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Monday, September 30, 2002

*Wonders is Kellys ass is Light, Crisp, and Refreshing*

HI EVERYONE! I see Kelly has either gotten busy or lazy. So I'll fill you in on the daily drama. I had another horrible day here at work. Well.. Here at my former place of employment. I QUIT. ANYWAY, I think I have a job lined up with an attorney in The Bronx, but we'll see. So... anyone watch Sopranos? OMG They are not hitting it off this year... AT ALL.. But ANYWAY... back to me quitting my job. Heres how it went. I walk in this morning expecting to have a nice relaxing day and a pay check waiting for me. NOT. I get there and Pig Fucker starts in on me about some reports I knew nothing about. And then he called me a lying little queenie cunt and to get the fuck out of his office. So I went back to my desk and my paycheck wasn't there. So, needless to say I was ENFURIATED. So I marched into Pig Fuckers office and started to scream at him and it just sorta slipped... It was like a long echo-y type thing in my head and then I was happy again. Kinda like Office Space. So, yeah. Thats my day SO far. I'm gonna go turn in a few resumes back at Viacom to see if I can work outside of MTV news, maybe with *drools* Carson... but I get the feeling I won't be working there anymore. I also wanna apply at ABC and Comedy Central. But whatever... I need to get going...

Saturday, September 28, 2002

OMG.. I am sooooo fuckin gay. Guy and I went out to see Sweet Home Alabama. It was awesome... I repeat... AWESOME! Then the gay part... I got my first manicure. I felt SOOO wrong in there with that asian woman with crooked teeth rubbing and clipping at my hands.. it was SCARY I say... SCARY! Sp anyway.... Thats enough of my update. I have dinner with Guy and some of his friends tonite.. one of which I HATE. But oh well...C ya

QUOTE : I once had a misquito bite me.... Then the little bastard checked into the Betty Ford Clinic

OH YEAH... *Hands Kelly a Coke*

MISS YOU YOU TOO, KELKEY MAYO! So.. Guy was reading over my shoulder and told me he loved me 3 times... So he can beat out Justin.... HMMMM.... Jealous? LOL j/k I think Guy is awesome... and I really feel strongly for him.. I mean... well.. yeah. He's SOOOOO AWESOME. I'm at his house.... we woke up at 10 and cuddled til noon.... it was fabulous. I love days like this. They make me happy. We haven't had sex yet, but I think I want to. I am afraid to tho cuz sex usually ruins everything and I really REALLY like this one. I dunno.... What do you think? e-mail me at Monkey4000@yahoo.com and tell me if I should have sex with him.. LOL ONLINE POLL! N E Way... I guess I need to go home and get changed and such. We might go see Sweet Home Alabama since we missed it last night... I just wanted to cuddle and watch TV at home... so it's all good. FUCK... That reminds me... I gotta get the oil changed in my jeep today. So I have to help a friend move soon... so I'm gonna go home now... CIAO!

Friday, September 27, 2002

LEVI I MISS YOU!!!!!! Come see me soon. I foolishly used all my vacation time on Dr. appointments. I won't have another whole day even until next month. And I can't take anymore unpaid days cause I'm soooo poor.

But it's all good. It's all starting to look up. Finally, some silver fuckin showing in these damn clouds. Bitter? Not me.

I'm actually in a really good mood. Hyper as all fuck (and you know fuck, it's pretty hyper) and bored to tears. Only not. I want to go swimming or climbing or running or something. I just want to do something. Not sit and suffocate in my office pretending to do work. That's sucky-suck-for-your-wang boring.

But it's getting better. I got my diet Pepsi (bleck) and so I finally got a bit of caffine. I'm broke and tired. But I got my pepsi (bleck). I hate Pepsi. Light, crisp and refreshing my ass.

I just got off the phone with J. Two weeks. Two weeks and he's already said I love you twice. Well...hmmm. I'll have to ponder that one.

Wow, this used to be a happy fun place to go read things but damn...the last couple of posts are really sad. Come on guys! We need to be optimistic! Show people how to have a good time!

This is our good time plan tonight:
J, P, C, I and are going to jump into the lake fully clothed. Freeze our asses off and prolly catch a cold but who cares? Afterward, we are prolly going to hang out at my house long enough for me to shower. Then we either stay at my place or go to J's and watch some movies (prolly Van Wilder and Super Troopers). Then no matter what we do, it is movie night over at J's anyway. We're gonna try the whole Matt Stone & Trey Parker thing again. I hope we succeed.

Tomorrow however...I have to go get a loan out from the bank, which means I need to be up, lookin good and at the bank before 11. Yuck. So then I get to go home and sleep!!! I hope. I doubt it will happen like that, it never does. Then it's SM's birthday so I am obligate to go to her little party. I don't really want to right now but maybe I'll change my mind later. Depending.

Just thinkin about things. I worry about people making my mistakes. Do I warn them and scare them from it? Or do I let them learn their lesson while being there to help guide? I don't want to make up people's minds for them.

I'm the biggest hypocrite I know.

So much for a happy post.

Thursday, September 26, 2002

Hello everyone. How is you all? I just got home from the worst day of my life. My paycheck bounced. =o ( So now my rent is gonna be late. I hate it. I miss Kelly alot today. I was looking at my prom pictures ( The only thing I have on my desk) of Kel and Daria. I miss the old days so much.I wish I could make up with Daria, but I know even after I pay her (which I STILL have that money order, but it's almost expired), She'll still hate me. So I dunno what the use is. And I miss Heather, too. She's such a nice person, but she hates me now, too. Well... atleast I think she still does. Josh Ewers said some shit and she believed him over me... but whatever. Men are assholes.... even me. Well.. I'm not ALWAYS an asshole, but I have done some fucked up shit in my time.

So very very very very bored. Can't even put in words. I did my work. I did extra work. I've checked my email and read all the news and I just want to sleep. P just came into have a quick meeting with co-worker. She stopped into my office and we chatted for a few mins. Only it was a quiet discussion on what was going to happen tonight. Not like either of us has any clue now. The plan was to go over to M and J's and watch Moulin Rouge and maybe Newsies. I dunno if either of the guys remembered that was supposed to happen, but we did. And we're planning on going over there whether they like it or not. Afterwards, we have to go to Kitchen cause she has to meet KJ. How cute. I don't even know if J is going to be home tonight. I hope so.

Seriously, I hate sappy people. And I don't know. I've always hated expressing my feelings so obviously. I've never been able to put the first move on...never been able to put the second move on...barely able to do the third. I just don't like people knowing how much I care for them. Cause if they know they might be all freaked out about it and hurt me.

Which is what I do. Not intentionally, but I'm afraid of people loving me. J actually has already said the three little words over the phone and I didn't know what to do. I care for him a great deal, but love? I don't know if I can love. And I know how melodramatic that sounds and I would like to kick myself in the head but... I dunno. I can't understand why someone would love me, honestly love me. If I was a guy, I wouldn't date me.

Oh well, on to happier things. What's happier than that? Oh, about anything. Love is very depressing if you think about it.

So...so...yeah...ummm. It's 4:20. You know what that means. Yeah, I'm still at work. Just a quick 40 mins and I'm outta here. Going home! Sleep...for 20 mins or so. If that. It depends on if people start calling me. Damn people.

Do you know how long it has been since I've just had a day and did nothing? I don't know either. Months tho. I miss it. I remember just lounging on the couch or in bed, reading, watching tv, listening to music, eating lucky charms (the best food in the world), and just chillin out. Just a day where I can sit, wrapped up in a blanket and not have to worry about looking good or keeping up the chatter. A nice day off.

I haven't hung out with my parents in a long time either. I miss them. I see them, and mornings with my dad are the same. But we haven't done anything together in awhile. And even if we did, since all of us girls are grown or almost there, my parents have started enjoying each others company more I think. Where we could all go out and unintentionally exclude me when they are having a conversation. I'm happy they're happy but... I miss them :( And it won't be just them, I may want to go out with them, but my schedual is so full that I would be missing something to be with them and I would be thinkin about that and not enjoying myself.

*sigh*

I tried to be happy, but then it just got depressing again. Screw it. I'll just sit and look at my candle and wish.

Quote for the day -

So it's not all knowing and powerful. It just oozes.

So there I was....

I dunno. Not a whole lot has happened. D came over last night and I got to play with GS. He's soooo cute. Definately the cutest I've ever seen. And he's a great baby. Hardly ever cries. Ok, enough already.

I went to Kitchen last night with P and C. It was fun. I got to see J!!!! Which is pretty much the reason I go to Kitchen now. Sure I like talking to the other people but I just really like seeing J. How sappy. God, I could vomit.

We talked a bit, wrote some more in the "Black Notebook", and played hack in the parking lot right before we left. Then it was good-bye wars, P and KJ again me and J.... J and I won, by a lot. Normally I don't like kissing in front of a peanut gallery (ask Levi) but I hadn't seen him in awhile and .... I dunno. I feel kinda bad now, cause the rest of the people were all single and such. But oh well.

Man oh man. NO ONE understands! I don't think I even understand completely! All of the coldness and the quiet and the aaaaahhh! geemonee!
I feel cold and distant from everyone. Like I'm being smushed into the corner of a dark booth by many, many people.
I can't get out.
Too uncomfortable to say anything.
I get that weird feeling. The urge to just spaz out. Rant and rave, jump and shake, to scream so loud they can't hear me.
I hate this feeling. This uncomfortable feeling. Sitting, drawing, listening.
Totally ignored.
But hey it's ok.
Everyone else seems to be happy.

I'm thirsty.

c?

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

Quote for the day -

I was smeerving towards the bottles.

LEVI LURVES ME! Wait, what the fuck is lurve? Silly crackheads these days can't just type the real word. And to type Show Kelly. Like I'm a Show! object. hehe. Show Kelly! See Show Kelly show you how to kick someones ass in 5 easy steps. hehe. Just kidding Levi, I lurve you!

Hi... So yeah. I'm Levi.. Not Kelly. Kelly has boobs and I do not.. So you can tell us apart now.. See? ANYWAY. I hate my job. And I can't wait to go to IKEA tonite and buy a computer desk. So I just decided to blog this in here quick to Show Kelly I lurve her... LOL
Post more L8rZ
QUOTE: ... And thats how a 2 dollar cookie turned into Little Hell on the Prarie.

Quote for yesterday cause I was lazy and depressed and couldn't think of anything intelligent -

I asked my magic 8 ball if it would tell me the meaning of life and it said no...the selfish bastard

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

I just got ripped on sooo bad. Everyone in the office was giving me crap. It started with my neck and then all the sudden involved a hockey team, a ton of alcohol, a booth at Country Kitchen, and a guy that used to work here that I make the mistake of kissing. That really sucked. Because I know it isn't true, I laughed but I don't know what everyone else thinks. That's what bugs me, I don't know what everyone else is thinking. Cause my boss made it sound like I slept with the guy from this summer and I would HATE for people to think that. Evil evil people.

I hope it will get easier but I fear it will only get worse.

It's another one of those days. Where no matter what I do...I'm just sad. I've been laughing all morning but I don't mean it. I just go thru the motions. It's depressing. I have no idea why I'm not happy either. I should be. I want to be. I'm just not. Maybe I need to light my candle. That always makes me happy. I don't know why.

I'm realizing that I don't know a lot of stuff

Monday, September 23, 2002

Well, it was a fun weekend...Matt Stone and Trey Parker movie night turned out to be Cannibal the Musical and drunken rowdiness night. And some of it was caught on camera, that will be interesting to watch later....It was still a good time, perhaps we will watch the rest of the movies (Basketball, Southpark:Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, and Orgasmo) some other time but next week is Kevin Smith movies. Not that I'm going to be there tho. I wonder if they'll call it off because of me not being there. How sad. It's all good tho, my buddy SM is turning 18 and she's having a party that demands my attendence (or at least she does). I'd rather not go, it's going to be a bunch of her friends and she may be turning 18, but it's a very young 18 and most of her friends are youngsters too. So I get to go babysit.

All day I've been getting picked on at work. J left a few marks on my neck and trying my hardest to hide them didn't work. Actually, I was running late so I just left my hair down today. Oh well. I've heard it all now...chemical burns, bug bites, vaccuum cleaner attacks, a reaction to the necklace I'm wearing, even some mild outbreak of West Nile but my body is beating it so I won't die or anything. My personal favorite was that I fell down the stairs, which makes no sense at all, I love it. People have way too much time if they can think all these things up. Oh well. By the way, people at work say it's only a "C" effort. Hmmm, they should see him.

It did make me wonder.

People spend a lot of time putting other people down if they're in a relationship. All the time, I'm getting picked on about being with J. Are they jealous? Lonely? Trying to be funny? Or just bitchy? Not that anyone has really been hateful to me, but some of the comments made...well. If I wasn't so happy about J, I would take major offense. But I just smile and take it.

People make me sad sometimes. I think it's something in the water.

Oh golly! D had her kid!!! It's a boy! GS. How cute. I picked the name. Right when we found out she was prego. I really wanted her to have a girl so I could name my kid that but... oh well. I'm not planning on children for a long long time. Now that she's actually had a kid I wonder if she'll be forced to grow up. That's not fun. It's weird. I'm only 18 but 15 seems so young to me. Just the other year we were hanging out at the bowling alley and thinking we were so cool. What posers! I look back and laugh. But a few years from now, I'll be doing the same thing. Hell, I look back at this summer and notice how everything has changed.

Quote for the day -

"Oh, cheeseburger please do not get angry"

Thursday, September 19, 2002

So yeah. It was a hard night. Work sucked, I hung out at home, went to Kitchen after South Park at 9:30 or so. Sat around wrote silly stuff down in the "black notebook" and waited around until people started showing up. Finally they did, a half hour before my self-imposed curfew of 11:30. J didn't show up until 10 mins before I was going to leave. So I stayed there until 1.

Yeah, I have willpower.

And when I finally did leave, it was storming so bad that I had to drive super slow so I could see. The fastest I went was 45 mph on a County Road for cryin out loud. Oh well, no one was waiting up so it didn't matter too much.

I can't wait until the beginning of the year. Then P will be back from basic and whatever else she needs to do and we can get a place together. Not that I have a problem with living at home, it's a lot cheaper than moving out. It's just...I'm 18. Having my dad hassle me about curfew is not my idea of independence. And I want to make my own rules and take care of myself but I'm so spoiled and pampered that I have no idea. At least I can admit it. I have a lot to learn but I'm ready for it. Then whatever happens, happens. I'm just glad I found a responsibile roommate. And perhaps an apartment with a pool...

Work sucks. I'm basically getting paid to sit here and look busy. My work adverage this week is about 20 mins of actual work a day. That's not bad considering the first couple of weeks here I didn't do anything. In case you're wondering my title is Production Assistant in an advertising agency. I get to make little ads for books that we publish for the local area to attract tourists. A lot of people hate me for it. Oh well, my company is rich which in turn...I guess I'm not rich but I can act like it right? These are designer pants with holes in them, really... or not.

I'm gonna have to go ahead and say that I have no idea how to change this page at all. I get the whole posting and editing thing, but as far as putting other things on here...clueless. Not a big surprise... jeez, no one else is here to bag on me so I have to do it myself. Evil child. That reminds me, I am evil. Just ask JQ, hehehe.

Oh well, I should prolly work some. Not that I want to (actually I do, I'm craving something that will make me think!!!) but I should look a little more busy than this... much luv

Quote for the day -

Popcorn Balls, the gift that keeps on giving

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

Ya know, I think I'm having a harder time with this site than expected. I'm not really getting any of my personality across. Which is odd, cause normally, I can't keep it out of my writing. So, what should I do? I can't say, "yeah, this is what I'm like..." cause I would feel like it's a big lie even if it's true. How can I spell out all my good and bad so you would have an idea about what kind of person I am? I'm sorry, but I don't think anyone will ever truely know me. Scary thought.

If anyone actually does read this, could ya drop me a note? I just want to know!!! You don't even have to read the rest of the crap I talk about....

dreamcatcher_gurl@yahoo.com

Well, I just found someone like me. I hate tomatoes. Even the smell of them hurts my stomach. But I love pizza sauce, ketchup, and various other tomatoe by-products. So, how does that work? I have no fuckin idea. But this guy has a cool website - www.ihatetomatoes.com check it out, if there are any you to check it out...hmmm

HORRAY PAYDAY IS UPON ME!!!! oh ouch...somehow, with overtime, I'm getting less money than normal...how does that work? Pain and suffering...money is the root of all evil...unless you have it...then it's a quick fix.

Quote for the day -

"Hairtie? What? I'm having piggytails?"

So yeah. I really like this guy. I know it's not the most interesting thing to read but... yeah.

The first time I ever went to Country Kitchen, I was introduced to two guys that I was a little curious about. I only talked to one of them. That guy and some girl were pretty much the only two I talked to that night. I wasn't exactly "with it" so I don't remember either of their names but... oh well. The guy got my number and said he would call sometime. The next night I went back again with two of my other friends. They had a big ol' discussion and anytime I tried to say anything I was cut off. So the other guy from the previous night started talking to me. We didn't talk a whole lot but I remembered his name, J. Then I got everyone to go out and play hack in the parking lot. [Yes, I mean hackey sack, damn loser punk kids right? fuck off] I must have gotten a bit of an energy rush cause all the sudden I was running and jumping and going crazy. Talking my head off. Crazy. Well, it's pretty normal now but... not then. So I started to like this guy...the oh so elusive J. So I would walk from table to table talking to different people but mostly I would hang around his table. Good times, good time.

Anyway, I usually can only go to Kitchen on the weekends cause I have a mon-fri 8-5 job that I have to be responsible for so I didn't see him a lot. But everytime I saw him, I liked him a little bit more.

A couple of weeks later, my friend P and I decided that we needed to have a B-movie night. Where we would get some terrible awful horror movies and die laughing. Well, we decided to have it at J and M's place. It was ok with them so... yeah. It was on a Thursday night and I worked the next day but only for the morning (special occasion type-thing) so I decided I only needed to be coherant for a little bit before I could go home and sleep anyway. Somehow, I became the one in charge of the whole thing. Which was news to me, cause I wasn't exactly in the right mind frame for 4 hours. Cause after I got off work and I went to my sisters place and yeah...wasn't sober. Somehow I had to pick the movies...I made M pick two (Super Troopers & Orange County) and I picked out the only true B-movie we got (Session 9).

So M and I went to the house and started watching Super Troopers cause everyone else had just watched it the previous weekend and no one was done with work yet. J got there a little after 10 and Pelot called around 10:45 ish I think. J was almost sober so I went with him to go into town and show them how to get to his house. We talked the whole way and it was good. I sat in Kitchen with P and my/her friend DM while J did a beer run. Then we all went back to the house and watched the extra stuff from Super Troopers. When that ended Orange County went in. I got beer spilt on my shirt so J gave me one of his and washed mine. Then everyone but me was hungry (I would die if I ate cause I had so much muchie food earlier, so very very much. bleck) But somehow, I don't know how, M and J decided that I should make the mac and cheese. I've never made mac and cheese in my life (spoiled rotten I know). But they pretty much made it, I just had to be in the kitchen while they were cooking it, stir it three times, and dump in the cheese. They would not let me go sit down and watch the movie, so I was on the floor in the kitchen a couple of times and sat on the counter the rest. I was a little tipsy by then. So they all ate the delicious mac and cheese and I tried not to gag from it. Golly if I had eaten like they were trying to get me too, wow. Yuck

So then Orange County was over and we put in Session 9. What a dumb movie. I didn't even laugh, I fell asleep. Of course I had been up since 7 that morning but still, I would have anyway. I swear, everytime I woke up it was in the same spot. It was totally retarded. Anyway, after that P and DM left and I really wanted to pass out. So I stole J's bed. Then he came to claim his half. Really my intentions were just to sleep, but I only got 2 hours of sleep that night so...yeah.

Now, we act like we're a couple, and we both really like each other but...nothing official has been said so...flkasfj asd;lkfj asdlk. I'm frusterated. And I'm not a normal person who could just ask "well, what's going on with us?" I have to be stupid and shy and it sucks.

It's great tho, remember the beginning of my story when I talked to that one guy all night? Well, he came into Kitchen the other day (after the movie night) and waved hi at me, and J put his arm around me! I laughed.

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

Quote for the day -

"New Club? I call dibs on President...I found a penny on the side-walk, who's treasurer?"

Monday, September 16, 2002

GopherMan wears a Packer jersey, #80.

Quote for the day -

"Come on, take me serious.....ly."

I don't think anyone is really going to see this so...I couldn't care less about what I type here. I'm thinkin it's going to be a sort of Country Kitchen Chronicle. Ya know, yeah you do....maybe you don't. Ok here's how it goes.

One of my best friends and I were starting to drift apart. She had her girlfriend (yes she is a lesbian) and I had my other friends and guy watching to do. Well, she started to hang out at Kitchen all the time. So whenever I wanted to see her, she was there. I absolutely refused to go at first. I thought it was insane the way people would stay there all night…and by all night I mean from 11 o’clock at night to 5 or 6 in the morning. Ya know, I didn’t have any idea what they did, and it seemed so boring to me.

But after awhile, I missed my friend *sniff, sniff. So we made plans to meet there. Well, after the first or second time visiting there...wow, I just wanted to go there all the time. Maybe a part of the reason is because I really, really liked a guy there but... that's neither here nor there. The point is, Kitchen was fun. Card games, conversations, making fun of people… it’s great. I’ve made a ton of new friends there (and I'm currently with the guy I liked!!!!!!). And now, I've recruited some of my friends to go there. I now go there almost every weekend and once in awhile during the week. It all depends.

Really I'm not as obsessed as I seem (YES I AM) but yeah.... I have fun. And I know how dorky it seems cause I used to think it was retarded but... I'm happy now. There really isn’t a way to describe it. It’s a home away from home. Plus, the drama, gotta love the drama.

I'll have some stories in awhile. Right now, I think I should go do some work and take some drugs...I've got a hell of a cold and I want to get better real quick-like.

Well, it's been an interesting couple of days for me, let me tell you... I'm going to have a boyfriend...I don't know if anyone else thinks that's a big deal but I do. I've been single for over a year now, and when you're just out of high school, that's not any fun. Well, I lied; I did have some fun... Anyway, so I almost have the sweetest guy I've ever met for a boyfriend. Wow. Before I was super sad cause I didn't know if he liked me and all that jazz. I know he likes me, for sure, and we act like we're a couple, but it's not official. All I want is to know for sure what is going on! Now I'm super nervous cause I like him so much I don't want to have my heart broken. That would suck. Ahhh, relationships!!!!!!!!!!

Such drama, I feel like I should be discussing this in a high school locker room.

Thursday, September 12, 2002

So there I was...sitting in Country Kitchen...knee deep in sh*t. Just kidding. This is going to be an interesting experience...

Mindless ramblings coming soon.

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