meet me in outerspace

Ok, I'm getting bored. I'm so very ready to go home and sleep. I wish I wish I wish I were a fish. Not really. Fish seem like they would be even more bored than I already am. Sucky. So...yeah.

"Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Larry in a towel...I didn't know...I gave it to the peach, cause he has hair." Veggie Tales, I tell ya man.

My family is opening presents tonight. Kinda makes me sad cause I want to hang out with P. I will, I don't think anyone will care if I bring her with. So whatever. But I am so ready to be over with Christmas. Sounds kinda bad, but I mean it. I love people year round and it's a ton easier to tell who really cares about me when they aren't all full of fake cheer. Ya know? Maybe not, but it's all good. Sorry I must be a little cynical or something. I dunno. Oh break time!

So very very tired. Can't keep eyes open. Want to curl up and sleep. Want to speak in complete sentences. Very eventful weekend.

Friday - X-mas party. Woo hoo. Seriously I had a ton of fun. I got off work at 4. Went directly home and played Oddworld for a bit. Ok an hour. C came over and I got dressed. I'm gonna have to say I looked pretty hot too. But I was super nervous. Oh well, we drove to the fancy smancy restaurant that the party was going to be in. Went inside. Saw a high school friend and talked to her for a bit. Then went in the private party room. It was pretty uneventful really. Well, not really at all. I got to talk to my boss when he was drunk and that was fun. He didn't believe that I wasn't old enough to drink. Then I said hello to my already drunk supervisor and she slipped me two drink tickets. Fun fun. So before dinner I had a nice Captain and Coke. Oh the food was excellent by the by. But after dinner I had my other Capt'n and Coke. Yummy. So when we were opening presents, I got a gift that was to be opened at the end of the night. I set it down and then went to smoke a cigarette. I got to talk to blue-eyes. It was neat. Not stunning conversation or anything, but it was good to talk. He got done smoking first and I made him wait for me. Walking back to the party room was a bit of a challenge, buzzin on cigarettes and my two drinks. Oh well tho. So I go and have to open my gift in front of everyone. I got the wrapping paper off it, but couldn't figure out how to open the box. One of the bosses helped me out. So inside there is an envelop and in it is a flyer type thing. I was so confused! But I guess I won a circular saw. Good times. Everyone laughed (I guess I'm a little girly in their view). So I sat down and two seconds later I'm getting called up there again. Apparently, the boss that helped me out was taking my gift and giving me his. So I had to open that too. It was a tool belt kind of thing, but it wraps around a bucket. Woot. I didn't care. I sat down again. I sat down again and talked to people more. It was fun. I got a back rub from a one coworker and my wrist kissed and a hug from another coworker when I was asking the time. Towards the end of the night, I kept trying to get someone to go and take a shot of Capt'n with me. Cause it was in the car, why not? Pretty much everyone turned me down, how depressing. But one guy gave me a shot of whiskey. I've never had it before (it's warm!) So finally we all said good bye. C and I went over to kitchen. We went in, grabbed one guy and came back outside to play hack. It's hard. I was buzzing and wearing heels. But I still managed. It got cold and I went inside. C and the guy came in soon afterwards. I made C take me to the store and when I realized that I forgot my ID, she bought me cigs. Went back to kitchen. Still, I kept trying to get someone to take a shot with me. JQ ended up being the only one willing. So we sat in C's car in the parking lot and had a couple of swigs. Ok, this is where I'm really stupid. Really really really stupid. JQ says he can't drink anymore cause he has to go in and play Magic. I say one more drink and he says only if you give me a kiss. I say fine, whatever, just drink. So he takes a drink and then kisses me. I was not expecting it and kissed back out of reflex. Then kinda backed up and pushed him away when I realized it. STUPID! Ahhh, not a thing I needed to happen. (But it gets worse...) So we went back inside. I'm really buzzin after a least two shots and half a JD Hurricane Punch. SM comes and picks me up and we drive to my house, pick up her x-mas gift and while driving back, smoke some. Around two, I'm back at Kitchen and I have a headache. Not a real bad one, but enough to make me want to sleep. However, in walks E all broken. I couldn't leave then. So he sits with me and C. We talk. He's taking hydrocodone for pain and he calls it truth pills. Must be. I can't remember all he said, but wow. I felt special. Apparently, he likes me. M got off work early and showed up. He sat with us. We all talked and it was a blast. A regular came in just drunk as all hell. She was falling all over, hitting her head and just wasted. She should have never come. But she had three different puking sessions. She passed out in a booth for awhile. I about fainted when she was throwing up tho. It was nasty. But our group survived. We started talking about movies we had cried at and I mentioned Star Trek. E asked me if I would go with him sometime and I said yes. Just thinking it was a friend thing. Well, it's supposed to be but I dunno. It's odd. E later got down on his one good knee, took my hand and asked me to go on this friendly date with him to the movie. I laughed and said that I had already said yeah. C and I stayed there until...some odd time in the morning. 6:30ish? But at the end of the night, E pulled me aside and told me that he had wanted to ask me out for a long time, but because of J he didn't. And that no matter how it all turns out he wants to be friends cause that's what it's all about. C and I drove back to my house and she went right to bed. I stayed up for an hour or so talking to my mom and reading.

Saturday - I slept from 8:30 until 2:30. I stayed in bed for a half hour and then got up to watch the game. The giants vs. someone. Ate cereal, took a shower. Hung out. Played X-box. Did nothing really for most of the day. C came over eventually and we watched Vanilla Sky. I wanted to cry for him. I really did. I just felt so horrible afterwards too. When the movie was over, we drove ourselves to kitchen. E called kitchen when we first got there and would really like a ride to get there. So I drove the 15 mins to get him with the guy who had played hack with us the night before. When we got back to kitchen it was 20 after 1. The guy and I talked for a bit. Then he left to pick a friend up from the bar. C had to leave too in order to be home on time. I was kinda sad cause I had hardly gotten to see her. So E and I talked a bit. J came over and talked a bit. (I don't enjoy speaking with him anymore, I get annoyed). M showed up again. That was really great. I hardly ever see him and then two nights in a row. So for the rest of the night, E, M and I all talked. It was cool. I was so tired by the end of the night. I got home at 6 or something. I would have been home later, cause I was suppose to take E home (or back to his friend's place or whatever) but he stayed at Mike's so I didn't have to.

Sunday - Slept from 7 until 4. Wow, that's a lotta sleep for me. I went out a watched the Packer's get their ass kicked. Hung out, I don't exactly remember so it must not be important. I told my parents how happy I was that they were my parents and how much I loved them. I cleaned my room up a little. Read a little. Was going to take a shower three times, but ended up doing something else. Finally I took my shower. Burned a cd. P called and wanted to hang out. It took a bit of talking into but she eventually got me to go out to Perkin's. I was supposed to play middleman that night, but didn't. Oh well. After Perkin's closed we went to Kitchen. P and I did our run around the parking lot and then sat in my car to talk while I made her listen to Norah Jones. I told her everything that had happened and how I just made a mess out of everything. That was nice. We went back inside. She was tired and KJ wasn't talking a lot. So P and I decided to leave. We talked the way home. Then talked more at home. Talked and talked and talked. It was so great. I'm so happy we're going to live together. Anyway, cause she's sick was coughing a lot. I managed to fall asleep a couple of times, but I couldn't get comfy or stay asleep. So I went out on the couch. My cat acted like my teddy bear. It was nice. P came out and asked if I wanted my bed back cause she would sleep out in the living room, but I told her I was super happy out here. Waking up this morning really sucked tho. I was so dead. My back hurts too. But I don't care. I'm happy. I'd be even happier if the day was over, but .... it's not. Oh well.

I am reading such a great book. The Godfather. I've never seen the movies but after reading this...I have to. I'm 53 pages in and hooked. Wow. Great great book. I really really just want to sit and read it, but that would be a little obvious that I'm not working.

The company Christmas party is tonight and I don't really feel like going. I just really want to read and/or play X-box. But I get to leave at 4! Super. So I can go get ready. Considering I have yet to decide what to wear, that's a good thing. I'm a bit nervous. cause I have to face everyone from this summer that I don't want to. Thank goodness C is coming with me. Manohman, I am nervous. Plus there is the whole present thing and to me it's just another way to be embarrassed. (It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok.)

I just had a ton of fun. My boss and I were hitting an empty box of kleenx back and forth. Then came the kicking. It was so much fun! It's just amazing how much something so small could make my day.

Last night I didn't do a whole lot. Spent a ton of money purchasing accessories for my X-box. If ya think about it, there is already almost $300 invested in that system. And I still need two more controllers, the dvd media kit, the online kit and any more games that I want. It's a lot of money.

After my orgy of spending, C and I went to my house and played Gauntlet with my dad. Stopped to eat. Put in Munch's Oddsey and played that while C watched. I was a little annoyed cause I thought it was 2 player (the first two Oddworlds were) but she said she didn't mind watching. It was fun and I got pretty far. It will take a long time for me to beat that game. Oh well tho. But that's all I did last night. Pretty sad. But we would prolly just be watching movies anyway. Manohman, this town needs something for people to do in the winter besides hang out at home. It's too cold to be outside for a long time, unless you're skating or snowboarding or something and even then you freeze.

All the sudden I feel like I'm not making sense. Sentences are running together and jumping subjects...I should go.

Ok, I have a few obsessions. Just a few. But the biggest one I can think of is the Chronicles of Narnia. My mother bought the set thru a Scholastic Book magazine thingy, do you remember those things? Just really thin paper and all sorts of books? Anyway, she got that and the only one I read at first was LWW cause I had already read it in 5th grade. I started reading The Magician's Nephew a couple of times and then quit. Finally, I read it. Then I couldn't stop. I read all seven books and loved them! Seriously, I have the complete set my mom got (I had to get a replacement for The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe) and I bought a $50 book that has them all in one. I recommend them to everyone! EVERYONE! Now that I've found out there are other books, I'm gonna get those too.

Now they're making a movie. They decided that since Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings made so much money, they're going to milk it for all it's worth. I'm just scared the companies are more into making a quick buck rather than making it correct and beautiful. This is one of my obessions and I don't want anyone to cheapen it.

Uhh, why is my previous post all huge and bubbly? Anyone? Anyone? Make it stop! The Madness!

So anyway. My office is so funny sometimes. One of my coworkers and I are pretty bored. Since there is only 10 people in the office and none of them are bosses, we were talking. I mentioned that my sister was proposed to this weekend and she asked me to be the maid of honor. So we started looking up bridesmaid dresses on the net. All was going well and fine, I found a dress I really liked and my sister wouldn't really care much. I looked up and saw the boss coming in the front door. I said, "See ya later" and walked back into my office all quick like. The coworker walked by a few mins later and said "Thanks for the hint." jokingly sarcastic. I don't know why I thought it was so funny, but it is. We all conspire to not get caught when doing nothing and even the supervisors are in on it. It just reminds me of when I worked at Hardee's and I could joke and stand around talking just as long as the big boss man wasn't watching. Some things never change.

Anyway, I was thinking. I miss hanging out with people. It's been a really long time since I've seen a ton of people and I really miss them. I'm not sure exactly who, but I feel like something is missing. Either something or someone. And I wonder what I did to hang out with people before Kitchen. Surely we did something. We didn't just sit and watch movies all the time did we? Prolly. At least in the winter. In the summer there is hack, rock climbing, swimming, all sorts of stuff. Good times in the summer too bad it's winter. I hate winter. But anyway, enough bitching and more "soul searching". Spare me. But really, I don't know what is missing. Something.

Ya know, in this book I have All about Me or something like that. I think it asks what them most happy time in you life was. So far, I'm gonna have to say playing hack in front of Amaco two or three years ago during the summer. Cause that really was a happy time. I had friends and fun. We would talk and laugh all while keeping a little bag full of bean in the air. Some of the best conversations happen while hacking. You can pretty much talk about anything and talking makes you hack better. Proven fact. And random people will walk up and ask if they can play with you. It's the greatest thing. That's how I've met so many people. If JA hadn't done that, I would have never met him or OH. Then I would have never met the-man-I'm-going-to-marry-some-day. If I had never met JA, then C and I might not be such great friends. We were good friends before, but I called her that day (the day I think our super great friendship began) cause JA wanted to have a little get together. Then over that summer our friendship grew even more. I bet I'm not making sense to anyone but me. Oh well. All I'm saying is that was a happy time. And it makes me super fond of kicking hack. So it might not be your bag baby (hehehe), but it sure is mine.

Good morning everyone. [good morning Kelly!] Ah yes, what a lovely morning it is. You couldn't ask for a greater morning on this 26th of December. I guess it's not really that great of a day, but I'm eating a strawberry candy cane. My first candy cane of the year. How sad. So did everyone get to spend Christmas with those that they love? If not, I'm very sorry. I didn't get to see my sister at all but I still had my other family so it wasn't terrible hard. I hope it was a grand time for everyone!

I now own my very own Xbox. That's right, an Xbox. My parents and I opened all our gifts from each other on X-mas eve and that was my big gift. My dad gave my mother a pearl necklace and a peridot ring (her birthstone). I got my dad a $50 gift card for Gander Mountain. So we all did fairly well. It was a good time. Dad and I stayed up until 1 playing Gauntlet. But since I had no memory card, we couldn't save it. That made me super sad. I need to go shopping!

Christmas day, I woke up at 8, took a shower, got my cd walkman and fell asleep in the back of the truck while we all went to JanesVegas. I felt like crap most of the day while visiting family. I didn't really talk to anyone cause I felt so horrid. I just wanted to sleep. We ate, handed out more gifts, sat around a bit and then we left. Drove the hour and a half drive home. weeee. Stopped off at my sisters to feed her fish, borrowed her memory card and then my dad and I proceeded to spend then next 3 hours or so playing Gauntlet. Fun fun. My oldest sister showed up and I had to talk my dad into turning the game off. My sister opened her gifts and we all kinda hung out. The best part was all of us in my parents room, laying on the bed this way and that, watching Trading Spaces, talking, joking and laughing. Simple, but so much fun.

Today...not so good. I was feeling much better last night until I went to bed and I guess overnight my cold just got worse. My throat hurts awful bad. And because I went home on Monday, I don't know if I have enough to go home any other time. It's pretty sucky. Oh what's a girl to do?

I guess this isn't that interesting of a post. Sorry. But since when do I write interesting stuff?

I am so very very sick. Over Christmas. This sucks. I can barely talk. I went home from work early yesterday because I was coughing everywhere. Took some pills and then went with my parents to The Two Towers. Super good. Every place I went to said to leave the book at home, but I was still a little dissapointed that they didn't stick a little closer to it. Oh well tho.

Middleman Stan. Hopefully not anymore. We shall see. It was so strange, suddenly they were trying to get me to push. I do not want to do that. I don't think I'm going to call or go over for a while then.

oh well, I should go. I've got family stuff to do.

I guess C stopped over while I was gone. She should have just called my cell, that's what I have it for. Silly C.

Saturday - came back over. We did something....my memory is poor. But somehow ended up ... we were watching Jackie Chan when SM and a friend of hers came over. We then went somewhere and did something...hmmm. Very poor memory. Oh Pick and Save. Didn't really get anything. Then decided to go to a movie. Drumline. Pretty good. Then drove over to Kitchen. Had fun. Talked. yeah...hmmm. After SM and her friend left it got pretty boring. So C and I decided to go back to my house and watch Newsies. Fun fun. Actually I fell asleep and only woke up to miss my favorite song. Sucky. But that got done at 4 and then we tried to sleep but instead talked about really insane things. Like if we named a band ... no really, like dot dot dot. It would save energy lighting up billboards. . . . hehehe. It was pretty funny. And I know there was more but I don't remember it.

Sunday - We got woke up at 12:30 when P called. C left right away and I watched the Packers win. P took forever getting to my place! Forever! So I wrapped her X-mas gift. I decided to get her The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It has all 5 books in the series in one, it's pretty cool. She's read it before, but was happy to have her own copy. We watched Dangerous Live of Altar Boys. KJ came over and we listened to Veggie Tales and laughed. Bored with that, we watched Robin Williams on Broadway. Hehehe funny guy. After that, channel surfing...Ghost. When that ended, we started talking about scary stuff. KJ had a ton of stories to freak you out. Oh manohman. But then P and I accidently made fun of KJ so he quit talking. I was tired so I kicked them out. I was still freaked out. Some of those stories man. But it wasn't terrible bad, it just really sucked having to turn off the outside lights and then have to walk to the front door. It was fun tho. When I finally got into bed, I was awake until 2 coughing. It was no fun.

So here I am at work. I actually woke up on time this morning. I was early to work. So what do I do? Leave. At lunch, I'm going home. Maybe I'll go watch the Two Towers with my parents since they both have the day off too. Just another short hour.

So P is back. We hung out a bit yesterday and we were talking about how we're going to decorate our house. It's just nice to talk to her again. I miss that. While we were talking at Kitchen the other day, I talk too much! Umm, I was talking about E, and C and P were both telling me that it was obvious that he liked me way back when. But me, I'm oblivious more than C sometimes I think. But I was trying to explain that I didn't have a crush on him (at least not a big one) and I was only mildly attracted to him. When one of E's friends turns around from the booth behind me and tells me how E is doing. I turned bright red only imagining how much he had heard. That was embarrassing. But just so ya know, E isn't dead. He was hit by a drunk driver and is home recovering. I was so embarrassed I only heard that he had a broken arm. So...it's all gravy baby.

To change subjects from one thing that embarrasses me to another; remember how I was talking about seeing the friend from High School and then seeing him and some buddies at Kitchen? Well, one of the buddies was this guy I used to really like. I still do kinda I guess. We rarely see each other but we used to hang out sometimes. Everytime I see him... I dunno. It feels like there is a magnet and I have to talk to him. I have to look at him. Then when I do look at him, he's all I see. This sounds really stupid, and it's not like I'm in love with him or anything. I don't know what it is.

This is insane, but I've finally admitted this to myself: I like dorks. Not terribly nerdy or insanely geeky. But a little dorky. I think it's cute.

Ya know, I kinda grew up the ugly duckling. I wasn't very pretty when I was young. At least I never thought I was and no one ever told me different. So that's how I grew up. And when I eventually became more attractive, it was weird. I'm not saying I'm drop dead beautiful or anything even close. I'm just "cute" or "pretty". But it's just strange. I'm lucky tho. I think I have more of an open mind because of it. I guess I'm just thankful I turned into a decent looking person instead of a duck.

Sometimes, I swear. I have absolutely no willpower. What happened when all the sudden people are asking me where to get stuff? And I actually know someone? What is going on? I could basically go thru my people to get anything. Scary. So I've done nothing today but hook someone up and eat munchies and sleep because of it.

P is back! P is back! I was expecting her call all day yesterday and she didn't call. So C and I watched a movie. Went to Walmart. Oh wait, we stopped at a friend from high schools shop. He opened his own business and I wanted to say hi. Special thanks to C for making me go in. We talked for a bit with them and then went and watched another movie. Got to Kitchen at about 11:15 or something. C and I kicked hack for a couple of mins before we froze. Fun fun. Went inside and saw P. Had a joyful reunion. Then C and I talked. P came over for a bit. We talked about things she had missed. But she had to go sit by her boytoy so he wasn't lonely. JQ came and talked to us and then TALL B came over too. So the four of us talked and laughed. When it was getting quiet, in walks the high school friend and some of his buddies which are my buddies too. So I was talkin to a bunch of people. It was a good time.

C and I were supposed to go watch the Two Towers today, but she didn't call. And when I called her, her bro said she wasn't there. Oh where is C?

Boy-howdy is there tension at work. Everyone is crabby or just down right pissed off. Our biggest tourist book is having some problems I guess. It's making my stomach all nervous and I'm pretty tense. I'm just trying really hard to be invisible. But there is only an hour left and then it's good bye until Monday. Then good bye again on Tuesday and Wednesday. Work Thursday and Friday, repeat.

X-mas night should be entertaining. M and I are talking about having a small party. So far it's just us. But I'm sure we can get people to join. And if we can't...big deal. We can watch movies and talk and do whatever. It'll be cool.

I feel awful. C got me sick. Yesterday, I ever resorted to taking a dose of cough syrup. Actually I couldn't even manage a whole dose, I only took a half of one. I don't remember it tasting so bad the last time I took it. Then again I was under the influence of something else. I know, I'm a genius. But those were in my wild days...a couple of months ago...I've learned my lesson...mostly.

NEWS UPDATE: Be careful what you wish for. I was talking about not having any work and now I have some. Actually, I did have some, but I need to ask my boss a question before I finish. However, he's out of town. He's been kinda short-tempered with me lately. I think it's cause of that whole project-thingy where I didn't know how to do it. It's not my fault they haven't trained me. So I've been kinda staying out of his way as much as I can.

I think I'll call OH. See what's going on. Since I can't get a hold of JA. I've called so many times! Left two messages and he should know that he can call collect and I'd call him right back. I don't want to call his friend (the musican I'm going to marry someday) cause I'm shy like that. Besides I don't know when he's working. I guess it doesn't matter cause he would call back. I'll call sometime I swear.

Oh I wish I was reading. I'm just getting to the really really good part in "The Black House" by Peter Straub & Stephan King. I wasn't even going to read them at first but then I read somewhere that it had to do with the Gunslinger series (my favorite by Stephan King), so I went out and bought both of them. They are good books, but they are really slow starting. The Tailesman speeds up pretty quick, but The Black House just drags. It takes forever to reintroduce Jack. And then during the book, it will suddenly go off to observing the buildings or something. It just gets a little annoying when you want to find out what is happening. I'll admit, I have flipped to the back of the book to see if I can figure anything out and let me tell you...I couldn't. Nothing made sense at all. So now I'm reading it as much as I can.

Beautiful. I love music. I don't care what genre, if it's totally planned out by corporations or if it's straight from the musician, it if means something, it's worth listening to. I used to hate all these super popular groups; Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Creed....I dunno, whoever is supposedly all fake. But it's about the music, not the artist. They might be fake, but the music isn't. I dunno, if the words mean something then it's a good piece of music. I have such a hard time if no one is arguing back. Someone fight with me, I dare you.

Hmmm, exciting times. No one ever up dates their pages this early. It makes me really sad cause then I have nothing to do while I sit here at work. "Work" you might say, "you could do that." "Wait," I reply, "I have no work to do." The end.

Last night wasn't terribly interesting. I went home and burned an awesome cd. While burning it, I was trying to watch Joe Somebody in the other room so I kept having to run from room to room. That was kinda fun. After Joe Somebody, Minority Report was put in and I watched the first half hour and then took a shower. Came back to watch a little more, gave up and went to sleep. I saw Minority Report in the theatre, and it's really neat, but I was so tired. Besides, I'll prolly watch it tonight anyway. Along with .... some other movie that C and I were planning to watch. Newsies or In & Out...something.

So the cd I made. A mix of some of my favorite songs and artists. Most of them are beautiful songs, and a few that are pretty good, but not the greatest. As a X-mas special, the first 5 people who email me their home address I'll send it absolutely FREE. dreamcatcher_gurl@yahoo.com Seriously, it's a great cd. Very, very eclectic.

Ok, my earlier post that got totally lost was about a ton of stuff.

I guess I never said anything on here about how J called. He asked "Is there any chance that we are going to get together and try to work this relationship out, cause I'm going over to a girl's house tonight and what you say now will decided what happens tonight." Personally, I think a few of things right away. 1: Is he trying to make me jealous to get me to say, no don't go, I love you? 2: Sounds like he doesn't care one way or the other. 3: Guilt free is the way to be, it's an easy way out for me. So I told him that there prolly wasn't a chance in the near future that I could work my issues out so he should go and have fun. He sounded a bit shocked and then asked if it really was over. I said yes. We did the usually, let's be friends thing and then hung up. I was super happy. Finally, guilt free.

Then I had a dream that night that J either called me up or somehow we were talking. He was bragging and just shoving this girl in my face. Telling me how happy he was and that we may have only been broken up for a couple of days and he had already found a replacement for me. I felt awful, as expected, and called/talked to a couple of my friends but they all said the same sort of thing. "Yeah, why haven't you found someone already?" So I woke up feeling like a failure.

So C-more called me last night. She's one of my friends as well as J's roommate's girlfriend. We talked about all sorts of stuff before she tells me why she called. Apparently, J wouldn't stop talking or thinking about me last Wednesday. She told him to wait it out and give me time, but I guess he decided he couldn't do that. She told me about the girl he's taking out too. She's a "psycho-bitch" according to her.

Another thing C-more told me about was E. Apparently he got into a car accident and no one knows anything about it. I was ticked off cause no one told me, but more scared than anything. It's so strange. He was supposed to be meeting M at Kitchen but was headed towards a totally different town. And after his girlfriend/exgirlfriend told the cops he usually goes to Kitchen, they called there looking for who he was going to meet. Cops don't normally do that, so we figure something was up. People are guessing drugs, alcohol or excessive speed. I am not of the know and am worried sick. No one, not a single fucking person knows his phone number. So no one knows what is going on or anything and it sucks. My friend/coworker called various hospitals for me, but he wasn't in any of them. She also called information and got a number that may or may not be his. I don't know if I'm going to call it or not, I may get M to do it, but I dunno. It's just weird to find out after I've been so anxious to see him for the last week.

The rest of my post I lost was about me and my super mood swings. I don't to go into it now, it just seems silly.

I did. I just lost it all. A very indepth post about all sorts of stuff and I think I'm going to cry.

Post to see if I lost everything I just wrote

Ok feeling a bit better. Had New Daddy Coworker show me how to do the whole pic thing I couldn't do. Still don't understand, but am closer to goal. But NDCO is still going to help me later on. Now all I need is new pics. I wonder how I'm gonna pull that off without them knowing. I really love to scam, simply because I can!

I have pictures in my locket now. I was thinking about it too. I had this idea and it might suck but listen anyway. Ya know those belt with beads and other stuff hanging down from them? Well, instead of having a ton beads, have a couple of little lockets. So that you don't have to choose whose pic you want in there. You can put them all. I had such a hard time choosing. Cause on one hand I want my parents, on the other there is my sisters, then there is my friends. And which friends? I have more than two really close friends and to make me choose? Oh that hurts.

Water sucks. It really, really sucks.

Well isn't this fun. I asked my Magic 8-ball if I would ever find true happiness and it said "My sources say no." So I guess I'm doomed.

Hehehe, plug your nose and say doomed. It's funny.

I miss E. We have such great conversations. And now it's been months. Or at least a month. Wait, no. Only a couple of weeks. But it's getting dangerously close to X-mas. I don't know why that bugs me and I think that after X-mas it will be too late to see him, but it feels that way. It's kinda weird.

Ok, I still have a ton of time before lunch and I have nothing interesting in the slightest to say. Ok, I am strange. Can anyone truly understand another person? I think not. Which is sad, because all we want is to be understood. I know this guy who after almost everything he says he follows with "Do ya get me?" or "Do ya follow?". Sure it gets annoying, but all he wants is for someone to understand. But no one ever will. I feel sorry for him and for all of us.

Star Trek Nemesis. What can I say? It was a great movie. It was a great series. I feel a very deep sense of loss knowing that this is the last movie with the entire Generations cast. I cried for the last 10 mins of the film, tried to stop to make it to the car and still cried on the way home. Maybe this is hard for some people to understand how I could care so much...Ok, I've been watching Star Trek Generations with my mom ever since I can remember. She loved that show and through her I grew to love it too. So I've been watching the series forever. Not religiously or anything (I will never ever be interested enough to learn any of the languages), but I know all the main characters and most of the secondary characters. (I know that in Nemesis, DATA should have remembered LORE, his evil older brother that was dissassembled and flung into space.) And now it's all over. Even after the series was cancled, I still had hope for movies. Now it's all over. It feels like the last thing remaining from my childhood has now been ripped away and I stand alone in the real world. Or maybe it's just a sad movie.

It is definately time for Kelly to sleep. She needs to go home and curl up under the covers and sleep like the dead, cause that's how she feels. Why is Kelly writing in third person? Cause she needs sleep.

I want to go snowboarding again. I'm going to want to go and keep on going until I'm good at it. I might be able to purchase a board from a friend who won it and never used it. I'll have to see tho. I'd still have to buy the boots but a nice board for a low price...yeah baby. I just hope that my skills will improve and it will all be worth it. Cause if not, it's an awful lot of money to spend that I could be using somewhere else.

Two days! Two days until P is back. Granted she's only gonna be here for a couple of weeks and part of that time will be with her family and KJ...I'm still hoping she spends some time with me, doing what we do best, ....uh talking? Yeah, we are pretty good at that. But we also watch movies, sing and dance and have a ton of fun. Manohman. This is exciting. If this is how I react when she's only been gone for a couple of months, what am I gonna do when C moves to Whitewater? Cry.

I'm thinking I need a day off soon. Maybe just skip out early on Friday. Say I have a doctors appointment, leave at three and never look back. That would be awesome.

I'm really sick of using the word awesome. It's not that great of a word. Great, fantastic, fabulous, superb, super, grand, excellent, and wonderful are also words I use often to describe a favorable situation. Too often tho. Most of the time, when talking to people I focus on the good things and try to put the emphasis on those, instead of the not so great things. So I need an extensive vocabulary, containing many words for "good".

Yes, I have.

Ok, it's been another hour. This sucks. I am so ready to go home. But I only have 1 and a half days of Va-k time. Or just one day. I can't remember. I could find out I suppose. But I don't want to use it anyway. Maybe some Friday so C and I can take a trip. Chicago. I've never been there. Well, not that I can remember and if I was too young to remember it then it doesn't count. I really do want to go tho. Leave on Thursday night or Friday morning. Get there, sight see, take pictures. Maybe rent a room, maybe just keep driving into any of the surrounding states...We've talked a bunch about just going to random towns and walking around, seeing what is to be seen. I love doing that...

Big boss man walked by so I should go.

It's only been an hour since I posted? Oh good lord, how am I gonna get thru this day? At least I have some work to do tho. I get to make the summer party t-shirts. I guess it's an honor. Cause me and my boss are the only ones who know what it's gonna look like. I dunno tho, I'm kinda worried cause he wants some strange stuff done. I'm supposed to find a couple of pics of rastifiarian guys, cut out their faces and put the faces of two of our drivers. Sounds easy enough, but I dunno... I'm sure I'll find a way to mess it up. Nuts.

So...yeah. Last night...well. Nada. Hmm. I went and picked C up right after work and we went to Walmart, my house, a chinese restaurant for carry out and then back to her house. She gave me my x-mas present and let me just say she's awesome. She got me a dolphin locket, the Silly Songs with Larry Veggie Tales cd, and a teddy bear (I didn't have a teddy bear, at all, so I wanted one). We then proceeded to share a sweat and sour poik (sweet and sour pork for those not of the know) and stare at a huge mound of food on her bed, including but not limited to: whatchimacallits, Ritz Sandwich Bits, Ding-Dongs, Rolos, Peanut M&S's, etc. There was a ton of junk food. And we didn't eat hardly any of it. I had some Ritz and a few Rolos, but that's about it. Oh well. We watched Rush Hour 2 and was going to watch In & Out, but decided to shower and go to Kitchen instead.

I didn't want to go in right away cause it was pretty dead and J was there reading and listening to music. So we kicked hack for a bit and then froze and went inside. We talked and drank hot coco. The waiter and waitresses are just lovely. They always know when I'm out of whipped cream. Yummy. So that was fun. Then M showed up. I haven't seen him in forever! Really. Months! So he sat with us. Then JQ showed up and he sat with us. It was a ton of fun.

The guys at kitchen have this game they play. They try to hit each other in a place where guys don't normally like being hit. There is no outside retaliation, so if you get hit you can't beat down on someone. But they think it's cool to lower someones guard and then smack them really hard. I personally don't understand, but I'm a girl so what do I know?

So many stupid things were said last night. But I laughed so hard and couldn't stop laughing when I heard this: When talking to a girl about an attempted sacking "My balls know before I do when there is danger, so they dodge defensively."

What
cartoon dog are you?

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Nothing new has happened so if you want to, you can ignore this post. Ya know, I really enjoy SR-71. They were a band that I really wanted to get their album when they came out. But I was young and broke. So then I got a job and kinda forgot about them. It was a neat blast from the past when I found out P had the cd. So I burned it and am lovin it.

Man oh man, I love music. There's just no getting around it. I could not function without music. Cause even if I don't have a radio, I'm singing or humming or whistling or something. It's just so beautiful. It can make the most simple and honest words take on a new meaning...I'll have to explain later...words to describe are failing me now.

I got the brokentype cd and I love that too. It's great to listen to while sitting with friends and drinking cider. If ya don't know what I'm talking about go to www.brokentype.com It's great. One of my fave sites.

In closing...some musical lyrics from the SR-71 cd:

"I'm never outta bed before noon,
And waking up too late would be too soon.
So I close my eyes,
Wait for the sunrise.
In a place a know I belong,
In my head I can do no wrong,
I could never be Neil Armstrong,
I'd be the last man on the moon."

I had a dream this morning that I was young. That I was younger and swimming in a beautiful inground pool on a gorgously sunny day with three guys while a father and mother watched. I don't think I knew any of the guys, but they were my age (15 or so perhaps?). I guess I was with one of the guys cause I remember being really happy and kissing him. Which is kinda weird cause when I was 15 I would never just kiss some guy in front of adults or even so happily. Mostly, just kinda swimming and playing tag. Not marco polo, but tag with eyes open. It was strange. Then I woke up.

Oh well, it was an ok weekend. Friday C, Mgy (a friend from high school) and I all went to the pizza parlour and had fun. Afterwards, we went to my house and watched Ice Age. That is the cutest movie! I didn't think I was going to like it, but it is just hillarious. When that got done we hung out a bit and then C and I went to the theatre to see Maid in Manhatten with L and one of his friends. It was ok, but it didn't make me feel warm and fuzzy. With nothing else to do, we drove to Kitchen. We talked a bit, la ti da ti da, but it was pretty quiet. Bored, we went to Walmart and shopped a bit. L got black hair dye, I got donuts and choco milk and C didn't get anything. Then we each went home and slept. Great fun.

Saturday - woke up at 11. Called C, woke her up (whoops) and went to Madison. Shopped. Didn't really get anything so that kinda sucked. Went back to my place, watched Empire Records. OH called and I talked to him for a while. I felt that was kinda rude to C, but I love talking to him and he didn't seem all that happy. Sorry C. After I finally hung up we went to Kitchen again. C and I sat away from people by ourselves and had a jolly old time. We ate (or tried to eat) this huge piece of chocolate cake. It was great. Then JQ came in and sat by us. We all talked and had fun. Then J came and sat down. That was a little strange. I felt like I couldn't look at him. So since I was really tired anyway and had to wake up early, C and I left. Not before J could ask me to call him tho so we could "chat".

At my house, C and I couldn't shut up. We always have that problem. Even when we both finally fell asleep, C turned over and her hand hit the wall and we both woke up and started laughing again. It was fun. I guess I hit her while sleeping and I know my entire arm and hand fell asleep. It was fun. You know you have good friends if you can have fun while sleeping. And I mean that in the most innocent way.

Sunday - got woken up at 10. Told C to sleep and to lock the door when she left. Dressed, got in the truck and fell asleep. Woke up at 11:40 by my cell phone alarm which had been set for 10:40. Finally arrived in Milton and hung out with family. I actually talked to cousins! Normally in my family, everyone is too shy. But yesterday I was so bored I didn't care. So I got into a discussion about music with one cousin and he has some interesting tastes. After the reunion, my mother and I went shopping. I was so tired and crabby. Oh well, I got some stuff I needed to get and got out. Half slept and half listened to the Packers on the drive home. Arrived still crabby and sore from odd sleeping positions. Went over to L's. Opened early X-mas gift of a digital camera. Not high quality, but still a great gift to receive. Went munchie shopping, was going to watch Bubble Boy for first time, but instead went home intending to sleep and ended up trying to figure out camera. Took a shower, wrapped presents and then finally went to sleep. Actually woke up on time today. Surprise!

Good weekend...will tell later, but first I have to work...yucky

My mouth is bleeding. It tastes like blood. Blah.

Last night C and I went to Walmart and I saw someone I used to know. Well, not really. We went to school together and we never really talked, but I knew who he was and he was in a position of authority where he knew who a lot of people were. Anyway, I had just gotten a new pair of pants (bell bottoms and super faded) and was wearing them with a light blue shirt where the sleeves bell out and my white fuzzy hat. I love that outfit and think it's really adorable. But he saw me and I don't know if he recognized me or not, but everytime I looked over at him, he was staring. It was strange. It made me wonder if he was trying to figure out where he knew me or if I looked that good. It was kinda nice tho. Cause I know I'm not ugly, but I still have issues with thinking of myself as good looking. It's just weird to hear someone tell me I'm beautiful. I usually think it's a line and take no notice. Maybe some of them mean it. Also OH told me the other day that he thought I was better looking than my sister. That was a major compliment in my view. I dunno, I guess I'm just used to being the ugly duckling.

Pizza tonight. Yummy pizza; friends and food, what more could you ask for? Kicking ass shooting zombie scum and getting my ass kicked playing pool. Good times.

Where are my rose-tinted glasses? It seems the kind of day where my eyes need to be shielded from the world. Too often the colors and sights are too harsh and I have to look away. When people get so mad, frightened or sad they turn ugly. But with rose colored glasses...the view wouldn't be so bad. It would transform ugly browns and grays into lighter, less bleak hues. With my rose-tinted glasses I could stand to see all, and have the courage to change what isn't right. Things would start making sense and everything would work the way it's supposed to. The world would be a better place if I had my rose colored glasses.

But I lost them. And I can't find them.

So I'm standing here, bare, with nothing to protect my eyes from the painful glare of the world. I now see too clearly.

aww poor C...let's drink at my house? Does that count? I mean, it's a lot of fun drinking with a lot of people...but it's also cool just to sit back with a friend or two and let the liquor flow. I know what you mean tho, next time, I'm sober. No matter what. And if we did go to Town C, we wouldn't be alone just cause OH won't be there. We could meet up with other people there, JA (who I know you used to hate, but he's changed), L-Dru (who I don't think I want to see), The X-hippie (who is kind of an ass), The shirtless wonder...plus, remember all those guys who tried to pick us up? I'm sure they would party with us. It would be fun! But you're right, it wouldn't be the same without the Original Homie...

Oh well, it's 4:20 twice in this world right at this moment.

I've been spending all morning taking Quiz Diva. These quizzes are outrageous -
Click here to take them.

Really outrageous, but clever. I laugh anyway.

I'm really sick of nasty cold WI weather. It sucks. I want it to be warm and sunny.

I talk to OH on the phone last night for hours. From 7:30 until 10:15. Long time. It was good tho. It reminded me why he's one of my best friends. And it made me really happy to think about how this is the first time in my life I have had such good friends. I mean, C, P, and OH...then there is JA. He was a best friend/older brother this summer and although we haven't talked in a long time, I still love him man! (coors light what?) Remember? He's the one that was best friends with OH and then they stopped talking. And I haven't talked to him in a super long time and was worried that he hated me and instead he just couldn't make long distance calls...I dunno tho. We'll see if we're still going to be close. Really tho, he's a great guy. And besides I'm going to marry his best friend. The musican?...never mind. If you don't know what I'm talking about...it's in the archives somewhere.

This is clever. I enjoyed reading it and thought ya'll might like it.

THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University. "Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped Its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch.

(Rebecca)
Wanker.

(Gary)
Slut.

(Rebecca)
Get f****d.

(Gary)
Eat s**t.

(Rebecca)
F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.

(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.

I got this from www.geocities.com/babakbyekta/englishPaper.html

Personally I think both styles of writting are annoying, but that could be just me.

The world was our burrito...I used to love Weird Al. Maybe not love, but liked him enough to buy two cd's. Memory trip: KJ still needs to get me a copy of his They Might Be Giants cd. It has Particle Man and Older and some other cool songs. Neato cheeto.

Nothing new today. Hung out at home and read last night. That's about it.

So the office X-mas party is coming up. Well, Dec 27. C is coming with me. Well, she'll be there anyway. My boss says that she can be his date so I can still bring one. Fun. Not really. I wasn't going to bring a date anyway, I don't want to go to someone else's and I don't want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position. That's no fun. But C knows a lot, or some at least, of the people I work with so I think she'll be ok. As long as it isn't cold. Bring a sweater C and wear it all night.

I wasn't even sure I wanted to go. Cause out of nowhere my boss says my boyfriend will be there (refering to the mistake this summer) I say right away, "I don't have a boyfriend and I'm not going then." But somehow I got talked into going and bringing C...it was my boss' suggestion. Scary, but it'll be a good time I'm sure. And I could still bring someone else if I wanted...I offered jonk, but he'll prolly still be in FL. Besides, that's a little dangerous. People would talk. Eh, f ck them, I doubt it would happen anyway.

Anyone want to go to my X-mas party with me? Free food and drinks at an expensive restaurant... dreamcatcher_gurl@yahoo.com

Which Rainbow Brite kid are you? By Growing.

I never thought she was very pretty...

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Last night was so much fun! And we didn't really do anything...strange how that works. Let's see...C came over around 6:15, I was cooking waffles and eggs so we ate and looked thru pictures. (There are a few things I don't really remember. Like, apparently I was holding hands with L-dru for half the night. Oh well) After eating, we went down into my basement and I went thru some boxes of old stuff while she messed around on the guitar and laughed at me. I found my old flute and played a song or two. We went and hung out in my room, recording us talking about whatever (be it a blind man marrying a deaf woman or something else equally strange). And again, I found music books and had to dig out my recorder (the actually instrument, ya know that ya learned in 5th grade) and play. After that, I took a shower and C took a short nap. I had to go to Walmart and we ended up walking around there for a good 15 mins before we asked someone where the alarm clocks were. (I bought one and I don't think I like it.) We then went to Kitchen and sat in the nearly empty restaurant and talked. And talked. And talked. And talked. It was a good time. A lot of things were said that were going to be forgotten so I think it was pretty neato. I'm glad we talked.

I need to go X-mas shopping. I need to pick up something for OH, my daddy, W and C. Then I should be done. Wait, I should get something for D and my dear, dear godson. I don't know what tho. I'm sure I'll find something. Now I just need to go. C and I were talking about going this weekend, but I dunno if it was serious or not. Next weekend we're talking about making the trip up to town C. I don't know why.

Do you ever get the feeling that everything is pointless? That nothing really matters so why even bother? I do. But I know if I stop trying, I'll end up on the streets or living with my parents for the rest of my life. But still, what's the point? We're all going to die. Does it really matter how we live?

I was going over some of the archives and holy shit...this site has changed. Not terribly bad, but it was supposed to center around Country Kitchen...now it's kinda like Yeah right. It's amazing how important and fun it seemed. It took on a whole new attitude. "Kitchen" had the connotation of being a great fun time in a familar place with friends. Now however, it's so full of silly little drama and petty fights. You can still have fun, but it doesn't have the same, magical feel it used to.

Damn that sounds really frickin corny. Someone shoot me.

Ya know what I just realized? I assume men don't mind being used. That they don't care if you have fun with them one night and then don't call or talk. Maybe that idea was reinforced by a couple of guys but I'm starting to realize that it doesn't go for all of them. Maybe I should be a bit more clear...ya see, I didn't think J and I were going to hook up. I was hoping and then we slept together, but I didn't automatically assume that meant we were together. He kinda did tho. So that's how we ended up together. And some of the guys I've hung out with since then (ohh one whole week) and before him are making me think twice...I don't know how to explain it. But maybe I'm being a little insensitive and should tell some guys that it's only for fun and not for a relationship.

Villains fear me. Heroes envy me. Kelly Ann is... The Happy Butt-Kicker

I wonder who they found that out from...

C you can say whatever you want...it happened and nothing is going to change that so who cares who knows? Do you think people actually read this site? I wouldn't if I wasn't writing here. And besides, I offered to stay sober...I could have. It wouldn't have been a big deal...and then maybe things would have turned out different. Ya never know.

Friday - I hung out with D, her baby and her boyfriend. We watched Galaxy Quest and chilled. Afterwards, I had to take them back to their car which was at Kitchen (see I work in an office right near by, so we just met there cause they didn't have the gas to drive from Town A to Town B and back. Yet I gave them gas money...cute I give them gas money and I still pick them up). I wasn't going to go in or stay, but JQ dragged me in and I'm glad he did. I got to talk to KJ, JQ and two other guys I don't really talk to. It was fun, I think I earned some respect when I started saying how much I disliked girls (but at the same time loved to be one). Then OH called and ten mins later I drove back to Town B to the motel they were in and hung out there. OH and I got to talk a little but not much. Not very quality. I went home at 3:30 or so when they started falling asleep.

Saturday - I got really really drunk. I meant to stop at posh but somehow ended up krunk. I hardly remember what was so entertaining about the night. We played asshole...and quit right when I was president...we walked to SM's and I had a hard time walking...KT read my tarrot and I almost started crying at one point...L-Dru chased after me and talked to me...J called...another friend called me back, tried to talk me into going to Kitchen and I couldn't really talk to her cause I kept forgetting to listen so I threw the phone at C...we never did go to Kitchen...Space Ghost was on when we went to sleep...

I need to stop meeting OH's friends...somehow I always end up kissing someone. And it's never the right person (HIM!)

My tarrot basically said I know what I need to do, but I'm scared and may end up missing the opportunity to say what I need to...so very true. It said other people aren't happy with me but I'm over the situation that I was in before. But I'm chicken shit so I don't know if I'll say what I need to say to everyone....J that it really is over and OH that I've liked him quite a bit for the last year and a half.

I wonder what would happen if I just gave them the web address. Scary.

I'm here! Did ya miss me? I can't believe you noticed *sniff*...I'm so touched - Get yur hands off of me! Sorry, I had to proof read all friggin morning. It sucked. A lot, let me tell ya.

Anyway I had fun last night. I went to Madison with SM and her little crush (LC) , only I don't think she likes him that much anymore...LC and I had a ton of fun, but I don't think SM did. Oh well, sucks for her. We ran into some friends from school/work, including a guy I used to like (and still would if I saw him more often) and his girlfriend. Sucky. I was hoping that they had broken up. Which is really mean, cause she's my friend...

I gotta go work more...sucky

oh yeah, I forgot about OH. Just kidding, I could never forget that fucker. Much luv. He called me last night and I almost had him convinced that I didn't want to see him. Then I had to re-talk him into coming down. And he might bring his friend that made us all drive to Rice Lake to see if a girl he liked was at work. Kinda sad. He's a nice enough guy, just not very...attractive. Now all I have to do is find some cool people to come chill with us and drink a bit. OH also wanted some "chicks" there, but I don't really hang out with girls. Not any single girls, minus C and myself.... Never mind

Still in pain. More like day-after-work-out pain tho, instead of just feeling beaten and weak.

Milton? C? Milton?! Figures...I always did wonder why you carried a stapler around with you. I guess I know now. And also, I'm kinda growing fond of my ribbon...I don't know if I'll be able to cut it...so sad...

Ok, sitting here minding my own business when a sudden sneezing fit decides to grab and shake me. I just sneezed five times in the last two mins. Five is an odd number. Don't sneezes normally come in pairs? Oh well. Just means I'm dying. That's all.

This is cool: my supervisor came in and said look busy, the boss is here. The owner of the company came back from Flordia (where he lives in the winter and takes care of his business down there) for some reason. So my supervisor said, "Boss is here and I don't care what you do, just spread papers around and look real busy. He doesn't need to know we goof off."

I laughed.

Brrr, it's fricken freezing! And cold too! But I've been cold since last night. Snowboarding. Wow. Am I in pain. But at least I can go most of the time without falling. I did pretty good last night I think. And just because I can't walk without limping, kneel or lift anything heavier than my jacket...doesn't mean anything. Sometime you have to have pain for pleasure...wait a tick. Anyway, it was a lot of fun. A lot of hassle (it took for frickin ever in that I didn't even know if I could go cause I didn't have the $400 deposit for the snowboard in case we ruined it and then kept fogetting things so my mother was kind enough to bring it all out to the hill for us), but a lot of fun once we finally got out there. I forgot a ton of stuff, including canned goods but namely my jacket. But I was ok without it. I had a tight pair of pants, a baggy pair of pants, two pairs of knee socks, a pair of ankle socks, a tiny tshit, a long sleeve tshirt, a tshirt over that, a sweatshirt, a heavy vest, gloves and a hat. But I kinda like snowboarding. It's something that is addicting, in that I want to keep doing it so that I can get really good. I hate being bad at something, I want to be instantly perfect, and if not instantly, I want to work on it without stopping until I am perfect. It sucks. Besides, there were a lot of hot guys on the hill last night.

What Office Space character are you?
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Dur I could have told ya that! I don't really hate my life, but my job sucks ass. Ok, I'm sorry about all these quizzes. I'm just bored. Really, I usually hate posting a bunch of things cause no one cares about them unless they want to go take the quizzes themselves. So shut the fuck up and take a quiz. Much luv.

Why Will You Go To Hell?
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I didn't cheat or lie! I'm a fucking saint damn you!

Which Willy Wonka character are you?

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I also took another one that said I was bubbly. But I already knew that.

I hate work. No I don't. I hate not knowing if I'm doing something correct. That really sucks. And if I do something right, I don't know exactly how I did it. I should really keep a frickin work journal so I know how/when/why I did something. But that would be a lot of work. And I know things now that I didn't know then so...I dunno. Strange how that works. I wonder if I'm going to have to do this again next year. I hope not, but I'm betting that I am. Sucky.

Anyway, feeling kinda alone in the universe. I kinda have to remind myself that I can look and touch if I want. But I don't really want to. I just want to chill for a bit. Plus, I'm second guessing myself. Which I hate. Almost more than I hate indecision. But I wonder if I ended it for the wrong reasons. And if I could have done a better job. When I talked to E afterwards, I told him exacty (almost) what I said. Right away he said that I told J I kissed another guy to make me feel better. And I realized that yes, I did. In some weird way that's how I justified breaking up with him. Cause otherwise, I didn't really have a reason, minus that I didn't like him as much as he liked me. And that's not a very good reason. (Maybe combined with that fact that he snores really fucking loud...jk) But afterwards, people came up to me and told me I did the right thing. A friend told me that he deserved it cause he was ignoring me and flirting with another girl that night. L's sister told me that one night he was calling her hot and all sorts of stuff (not sure if I believe that). Someone else told me that we just weren't compatible cause here I am, graduated for one year and already I have a good job (debatable, but steady anyway), a new car (my pride and joy), ready to move out and support myself. And J just moved out of his parents for the second time (at least second), still working as a lifeguard (supervisor maybe) and with barely enough money to skip by. So I don't know if everyone saw us as never making it and the only ones clueless were us and later just him? I'm sorry I'll shut up about it.

Oh well, doing my best to keep busy. Sunday I went to a movie with SM. Last night I went to C's and watched Sliding Doors and part of SLC Punk. Tonight I'm going snowboarding with my oldest sister, SM and her little crush. Tomorrow I'm going to a movie with my mom and then C is sneaking over to my house so we can watch South Park. Thursday SM and I are going to Madison shopping. Friday I might hang out with D or C or both somewhere (OHHHH, we should go ice skating and then watch movies!). I don't know. Saturday is a celebration involving the cutting of the ribbons of protest (I kinda like mine tho). And Sunday...who knows?

Snowboarding tonight. Woo hoo. I've never done it before and everyone else going has. In fact my sister wanted to be a pro once. But I'm expecting to spend most of the time on my butt. Which sucks cause I have no warm pants to wear. Sucky. So I'll have to talk to my sister and find out what I should wear.

IT'S FRICKIN COLDER THAN A MOOSE! I hate winter. I'm really starting to realize how much. This summer barely lasted. It was late in coming and early in leaving. I hate that. I wish it could be spring, summer, fall, spring. Just leave out winter. Who needs it? Not I. The only thing it's good for is ice skating and you can do that indoors if you have to.

I'm back after a poor nights sleep. If you missed it, yesterday starts the explanation.

So I get home Wednesday, do nothing really, until 9:30 when C comes and picks me up. We drive over to her house, talk for 10 mins and then my mother comes and picks me up to take me to meet my sister so we can go to a party and I don't have to drive. We got lost a couple of times and finally found the place. It was ok, I remember about three peoples' names. We played asshole and 7 1/2. I drank a half a cup of beer. And prolly should have just had that, but instead I drank Captain and Coke all night. And took three jello shots. My first ever. Oh well, on the 20 min drive home I called J and we talked. He laughed at me and I just laughed. I don't really remember what we talked about. But when I got home all my family was up (including relatives visiting for Thanksgiving) and they all laughed and made fun of me. Not very kind, but I didn't seem to care. Anyway, still wide awake and having nothing to do, I called OH. We talked, I explained my issues. He told me some of his. They kinda sound similar. Oh well. So then after a really long phone call, I went to sleep.

Thursday - Woke up at 11:30ish. Took a shower, got all pretty, had to wait for food. That sucked. Oh well, had a plesant meal. Hung out, played cards, did nothing... Finally at some odd time in the night, I had my sister take me to Kitchen so I could see J and tell him to get his ass to my house. When we got back we realized there was nothing to do, so we just went to bed. I thought about telling him about what happened on Wednesday but didn't. Even when he asked me what the stupidest thing I've ever done was. Anyway, he snores. Loud. So I got kicked out of my own bed! I moved to the loveseat and an hour or so later, my dad was up and making noise so I went into his bed and 15 mins later got woke up anyway.

Friday - Woke up at 5:15 am. Went to Wal-mart. Got bored. Bought two gifts and a movie for me. J and I went back to my house, put in Mulan, laid on the couch and fell asleep. Woke up at the end of the movie, he kicked me off the couch so I went into my room. Slept until 2. We watched something on tv, I don't know what, but then he had to go to work. I took a shower and went to C's. We had pizza and watched the Saint. A couple of high school friends stopped by and that was pretty cool. Then C and I worked a bit on our project. After getting kicked downstairs we watched American History X. C and her bro's first time watching it. Fun fun. L called and wanted to hang out. J called and wanted to come over. I said no to both. I just wanted to be alone and to go to sleep! So after the movie I went home and did so.

Saturday - Woke up at 1, stayed in bed until 1:30. J called around 3. Talked for a bit about nothing. A lot of silence. I let him go and take a shower. I hang out most of the day with my parents. Especially with my mom, talking. But I called him back cause I said I would. A long phone call again, a lot of silence, again. But this time he asked me "Do you like being around me? Cause sometimes I get the feeling you don't." I was kinda shocked cause I didn't realize it was so noticeable so I brushed it off being that I didn't get enough alone time or time with my parents and stupid stuff like that. But I told him I was going to Kitchen so I would see him there. I sat and talked with my mom a little more and then I left. Got to Kitchen around 10. It was kinda boring at first so I brought in my book. People kept trying to get me to smile. Normally I'm all smiles but that night I was just depressed and not looking forward to what I had decided to do. It was kinda a weird night. A girl in there was flirting with J and he was kinda flirting back. He even invited her to his place of work's X-mas party and sat with his arm around her while I was talking to a friend and getting moral support. Then I took J somewhere quiet and told him.

me I kissed another guy
J Really?
me yeah...
J Is that all? You didn't do anything else?
me yeah
J Cause you can tell me, you don't have to worry
me no, that's all (a little annoyed) and I don't know why
J ......
me I just...I don't know why I did it and it really bothers me cause I care about you and I just....I think I need a break...some time...
J ok, whatever you need. I love you K, I always have. I just want what makes you happy. Think about it and don't worry about it too much, well do worry about it cause I know I will be, and you have my number. Give me a hug. It's ok.

So we both went and sat down, people still trying to figure out what's wrong. Finally, quietly, I tell the two I'm sitting with (JQ and KJ) and it's instant "awwwws". But they try to make me feel better. I look over at J and he's rubbing his eyes. Then he leaves claiming he has things he needs to do. He stops by my table to say good bye to everyone and just looks at me for a second, then leaves. I sit for awhile with the guys and then move to sit by E. We talk for a bit and the L calls. He asks what's wrong and I tell him I just broke up with J and E about spits out his coffee. L just says "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. Do you want to come over and get high?" I laughed and said that it was ok, I'm fine. SM called right after that and we make plans to do something on Sunday. For most of the night, I sat with E, SK came over for a bit, but mostly it was me and E. It was kinda nice, I like talking to him and he made me feel better. When we got kicked out tho, something was different. It seemed like he wanted to talk more or just...I don't know it's hard to explain. I didn't really want to go to sleep when I got home at a quarter to 5, so I read a bit and then went to sleep after I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open.

Sunday - Woke up sometime. Hung out. Went shopping. SM called. Made plans to go to a movie. She came over, I drove her car to Micky D's, her house and then the movie. On the way we had some peppermint. So all giggly we got to the movie theater. Found the right theater and saw THEY. Sat in front of these three guys, pretty good looking, I think we annoyed them a bit. I heard one say "enough with the feedback" and SM heard "this is why I don't have girls in my house". But they were teasing I think. The movie sucked. Serious ly. It was ok I guess, until the end. But it isn't that much of a story line and they don't really develop anything. The characters goes from "no I don't believe any of the crap" to "Monsters are after me, HELP". Anyway, we had fun. Went to Culver's afterward and F got me some discounted food. I had a water, a hot fudge sundae with almonds and half a salad. Interesting, eh? SM had hot chocolate, chocolate custard and half a salad.

The two funniest things said that I remember:
"I don't have the munchies. I just like food."
"Do you hear you?"

What a long fucking weekend. Normally it would be great, but I dunno....

Wednesday - After work and being jonks last day, I had him walk me to my car. It was dark out cause stupid WI is like that at 5. Anyway, we talk a bit and sadly say good bye. We hug and he tells me to give him a little kiss, I was still hugging him and kinda turned my head a bit, and kiss him on the cheek after a pause. So he said "What, did you think I meant a sloppy one?" So I did the most incredibly stupid thing and opened my mouth to say "No, only hoping" What the fuck?!?! Head to heart, come in heart. But three times did my heart and lips defy me. But luckily, head got control enough to declined an offer for a roll in the hay. But it was hard. Anyway, on the drive home I realized what a horrible thing it was.

I'll finish this tomorrow. I'm fucking tired and ready to die.