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Which Rocky character are you?

Hahahahaha I'm such a hottie nerd!

Today is a glorious day! Beautiful day really. I wish I was outside but no. I'm inside just hanging out. La ti da ti da. I should go outside...ok, I'm going outside!

As if this week wasn't hard enough...I mean sure I had a lot of fun on Tuesday, but really that's it. Otherwise, it's been work and stress. This fuckin thing with E is finally over. At least I really hope it is. I think it will be. He prolly hates me now and I don't blame him. Then again, he isn't my favorite person either. So now...what happens? Another one of my exboyfriends might be coming out. Oh great. So now if he does...this will be number 3. And everyone is guessing that this other guy is going to be out soon too. That would make it 4. FOUR!! I'm gonna have to say this doesn't do much for my self esteem.

Pardon me while I go cry.

Who had a lot of fun last night?
K-k-k- Kel had a lot of fun last night.
Is it true?
mmmMMMMM! I did I did I did I d-id!

Wow. So much fun that I can't even type normally. So I'll let Cody put her version up here and then I'll make comments as I see fit.

I LOVE MY BOIZ!!!

...later...
ok where are my peeps to back me up on this? I'm feeling a little lonely.

It's just one of those days...you know THOSE days. I just want to do something. I feel the need to be challenged right now and since I'm not...I want to go back to sleep.

I had a lovely walk with C last night. We went out to a state park. Unfortunately, it was dark and cold so we slid around a bit and couldn't see much. But it was still fun. The coolest sound in the world is water running underneath ice. Then we went back to my house. Beppo called and I filled him in a bit on what was going on. He's kinda bothered that he hasn't given us our X-mas presents. I think his are going to be 10x better than what we got him, but oh well.

A friend from Madison, JK called last night at 11:30. I was sleeping, but he's in a play and offered me and C free tickets. Then S called at 2:30am and asked if I wanted to go to a movie. I didn't really talk a lot to either cause I was dead to the world.

Everyone thinks I'm crazy for still talking to E. Latest news...he told my mom I slept with J. That's something I hadn't told her. So yeah, I'm pissed. Understandably too. So it's over. Completely. I just need him to call so I can tell him. Something I hadn't mentioned to anyone, he said before I brought that subject up (asked him why the fuck did he tell my mom that) he was thinking about asking me to marry him. What?! I just broke up with him. Why in the world would I marry him? Especially since I don't plan on getting married for a long time. I think it might be time to tell him to fuck off.

Is it just me or are the Peppers not as super cool as they were. I mean, I think that Californiacation was my favorite Peppers album so far, but I haven' t listened to some of the older ones a lot. And By the Way just isn't that great. I love it, don't get me wrong. But it doesn't seem like real rock. It's just not as...I dunno. It lacks something. Like incubus. They used to be a shit-ton harder. Now they're more Z104 easy rock. Not saying it's bad. I still love them. A lot. But they've changed so much. I love them and have defending them many o' times against people saying they've sold out, but did they? I sure hope not.

Anyway, in case you're wondering about an awesome band that you will never hear of...Metridium. May the fun of you be good.

Ok, enough of this cd. I think I'm gonna listen to Fungus Amongus.

I am so frusterated! I got a "new" computer at work and it sucks! I can't do anything!! I can't even find Microsoft Word! Honestly this sucks. I traded a slow computer which had super programs and such for a fast computer on which I can't do anything. Including find my fuckin files! So now I sit here with non of my stuff, no word, not even a fuckin cd to listening to and no one can help me cause they're all busy. Damn them. And damn this machine!

wow, I completely forgot about that. Hmmm. I don't know what to say...

I haven't cried since I saw Star Trek. Now that I've started...I just can't stop. That's not a good thing when you're sitting at work. So many things...now what? I just kinda feel abandoned even tho that is not the case. So many people seem to be leaving or have already left. It just sucks.

Last night E stopped by my house to drop off my writing portfolio. He's going away. Probably forever. We didn't talk a whole lot. He mainly said, stay the way you are...you're so close to perfect and you keep striving...I'll send ya a postcard. I cried before he got there. Teared up a bit during and just cried afterwards. I called up Beppo and, oh I love that boy, he let me talk. I'm so lucky to have such great friends. Man oh man. I swear, I'll stop crying soon. I promise. Or not. It's kinda hard knowing that I won't be able to see him again. With almost every other ex, I figured I'd at least run into them. And I have. But I might never see him again.

Just so you know. I'm not crying for him. I'm crying for me. I'm selfish like that.

Ok, I quit

Oh I know. But it sounds so much more humble and shy if you say "ahhh, shucks. You don't mean that?" all the time knowing that, damn someone thinks I'm beautiful.

And you could take it two ways. One: you're a beautiful person. Two: you look damn good. (I'd rather be a beautiful person myself). And even if they don't really think that you're beautiful, they think enough of your feelings to say so anyway. Now, whether they care about your feelings because they are a sincere person or if they simply want to get into your pants is another thing entirely.

But I'll trust Kasey to not want to get into my pants.

So it was a great night of hanging out with fun people.

And I'm single again. hmmmm

And Kasey...I'm not in Latin...what in the world does that mean?

SuperDude, my way cool and musical friend from up north may be coming to see me! I just think this is fantastic. I've only hung out with the guy four times. Well, some of those times were kinda long. But I still think it's awesome that he'll give up his day off to drive all the way down here and spend money on a hotel room...just to see me. And C of course. Man, I am going to marry him someday. I wonder if he knows. And my former best friend (remember JA?) is going to come with him! So I get to see them both. It'll be great!

The only problem with them is that they might be coming down a weekend that we might have been able to go up. Cause we still need to see Beppo. We kinda ditched out on him this last weekend cause of issues we had and so I think he's feeling a little angry about that. I don't know for sure, but I would be. In fact, I have been. But if I'm finally getting someone to visit me down here...I can't give that up. I love my boys! All of them. And it's just too bad they can't play nice together.

In other news...C and I are undertaking a huge task which we just might be able to fulfill. It will be a hard and dangerous mission, but someone has to do it. Details tomorrow.

Said about me:

"Don't you think she's a little homely? She has nice legs and ass tho." - E's dad after meeting him for the first time.
"Have you ever thought about being a model?" - Sauk County Police officer in a restaurant after he had been drinking a bit.
"Oh you're just so cute!" - Random guys at Kitchen random nights.
"AHHHHHH!" - My dad...being my dad.
"How do you wake up looking just like you did when you went to sleep?" - A "beautiful person" in high school after riding a bus for 15 hours.
"See ya later hot and sexy!" - A six year old little boy saying good bye after not speaking to me before because I had clothes on.

Do the happy dance.
I don't want to do that happy dance
Do that happy dance!
*dances unenthuastically
Sing the song.
I don't want to.
Sing the SONG!
Doin the happy dance...doin the happy dance...doin the happy dance.
Feel better?
Yeah...

Things are fucked.

oh god. just when I thought things were going to get easier...

E and I are fighting. Issues about Valentine's Day and I guess trust. My own sister helped him to think there was something going on. That's not right. So now who shows up? jonk. Wanting to go out sometime. I wasn't made for this kinda of drama.

I'm growing up. Every now and then people need an outlet. Somewhere to go and just have something for them. For the last couple of months, this was it for me. I stopped writing in my journal and instead changed this from what it was supposed to be to my own life on screen. But I don't know if I need it any longer. More and more often I find myself staring at a blank screen with a blinking cursor waiting to be move and filled with words. More and more the words are meaning less. I can't force myself to tell everything and it's gotten harder to do. What if someone I know finds this? What if I want someone I know to find this?

And in some ways I do want that. There are a couple of people I wish I could say "Read this! It will tell you a lot of things that I don't say! Understand me!" I might still. But that wouldn't be fair to Cody. There are some very private things both of us has shared in here. Stuff that no one else may know. I know I have. So what to do?

I might be totally wrong and still come in here to write. But honestly, how many people are actually reading this? And how many actually want to know how my day went?

So maybe it's time to shut up.

I, as a clerihew, Tend to be merry; too Merry, it might, perhaps, by some, be claimed; But I'm sure that these people are wrong, and need to be grievously maimed. What Poetry Form Are You?

What a day. This sucks. My supervisor is quitting. She's so much fun I'm going to miss her a shit-ton and still can't believe that I won't get to hang out with her anymore. I'm so very sad I can't even go into it. My poor boss is going to be all alone. The supervisor is like his sidekick. They're always together. I know why I made those cd's now. The beginning and the end...sad sad sad.

So last night was decent. I cleaned my room up some more. C came over. We watched South Park and Shanghi Noon. Cute and clever. Owen Wilson is just neato.

Ok, I'm not really in a talking or typing mood today so...latas

Good morning...no fuck that. Actually, I don't know if it's a good morning or not. I was fine until I got to work and saw a bunch of stuff piled on my chair for me to do. Not fun. Then I got my good tasty coffee and am going to eat a bagel. Is caffine an appetite supressor? Cause I'm not really that hungry and all I've had is three cups of coffee. SluRP!

Hmmm, I went shopping. Fun fun fun. I got 1, 2, 3, 4 new shirts! And Hugo Boss for men which I fully plan on wearing. It's not that manly of a scent on me. Just nice and vanilla-y, cedar-y and spicy. So I don't smell like a man.

My office smells like food. There is coffee that smells like frosting, my Boss that smells all food like and then a banana bread candle. So yum!

So I get to leave early, I get to leave early! Nah nah nah nah boo boo. At 3. And it is 2. 2:16. So soon! Oh shit, I need to finish this ad! Latas

Wow...I no feel good. Tired as all hell. I was in bed and ready to sleep at 11 or so...but then Erick called. And we talked until 1. Or I should say he talked. Cause at the end there...I was falling asleep. As best as I could tho cause he was making me laugh. Silly E.

I went over to my sister's last night. We watched the Banger Sisters and ate food. That's right, food.

Now I'm tired. And I'd rather sleep than sit here and complain about it, but I'm at work...dur I'm babbling.

Manohman, I should have said I was snowbound. Sorry, can't come in. Maybe tomorrow. Doubt it. I'm a good person...and I need all my days off that I have. Cause I want to take Valentine's Day off so I can go to the club the night before. Then sleep in, hang out with E a bit and then go to town C. Horray! I don't know if things would ever go to plan like that.

Beppo called me last night. OH. Same person. Whatever, I don't care. Beppo called. We talked a bit. He's still not happy, but he can't really do anything about it cause he can't afford to move away. If I was unhappy as he says he is tho, I would take off anyway. Say fuck it, I'm moving to the south. Somewhere warmer than this stupid Wisconsin stuff.

Ok, I just called S and she said that the club plan was to go on the 12. I was planning on the 13. So what to do now? Hmmm. This is why I don't plan. I'd rather make it up as I go than be expecting something and get something totally different.

I'm such a cheesy dork sometimes. From 10:30 on Saturday night until last night (Sunday) at 11:13, I was with E. I had so much fun! We watched Moulin Rouge (well, I did, he fell asleep). Took a nap from 3:30 in the morning until 5 in the morning or something.

I have Kenny Chesney in my head. People say they wouldn't change a thing...even if they could...Oh but I would How pretty.

So D and her little baby boy came over yesterday too. I cooked us all breakfast and then later lunch. It was a pretty good time. I kicked D's ass! She kept wanting to wrestle...so anytime she was brave enough to try and take me on without E's help, I whooped up on her...but if her and E worked together...they really suck cause I almost got hurt a couple of times.

D really tries to get everything she can get outta me. Like I already got her a $30 gift card to Maurices. Then I offered to take her out to dinner if she wasn't doing anything on her birthday. She said maybe. Then said no, but I could take her out tonight if I wanted. I didn't. So then she said I could get her a 56 oz bottle of Malibu instead. What? I just offered to take her out so she wouldn't be alone on her birthday. Not buy her a $20+ bottle of booze on top of already spending $30 on her. It's pretty typical of her tho. I took her out shopping instead of going to her baby shower and bought her $40+ of stuff for the kid. Then later she kept trying to get me to buy more stuff. I know this doesn't seem like a ton of money, but just to keep on doing that...It's not right. I help her out all the time. I used to give her gas money and still take her all around town. I would buy her and her kid food so he didn't starve (not that it's a bad thing).

I'm just having issues about being taken advantage of and I'm going to try to not let it happen anymore.

But I feel really guilty if I even think I might have taken advantage of a friend. I know I prolly have, but there is also an acceptable give and take. Like C and I will get chinese and sometimes I pay and sometimes she pays. I don't know who has paid more and it doesn't matter. Things like her being the perma-driver to town C now tho...I feel a little guilty of that. Even tho she said she likes driving and I pay for half the gas. I still feel bad cause I'm not ... pulling my fair share? I dunno.