Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Ok, it's only 8:54 and it's already the morning from hell. Well, not really, but it hasn't been that grand. P and Shawn were waiting for me out in the parking lot last night after I got done with work. We went to my house and hung out...like always. Played some games, made some pizza. C came over. The fag hag and guy I know from last night came over. We just kinda hung out all night. Listened to music, played games and talked. KJ came over a little later. I was a little annoyed. Cause I didn't even invite Shawn over. I love him to death and he is perfectly welcome at my house anytime, but all the sudden I have people I hardly know over. There was 5 people out in my living room last night watching a movie when I went to bed at 11. See, my friends don't seem to realize that I need sleep to function. I got 3 hours Sunday night and 8 last night and my ass is draggin. Then tonight we're going to the club so that's 5 hour of sleep tops. I can't even sleep on my lunch cause I have to fuckin work. How sick is that?

Ok, I'll stop complaining...really I will. Cause I had fun last night. I think. Things have been so boring, but fun. Does that make sense? Like, we haven't been doing anything. Or at least I haven't. Right now there is no meaning. But I'm still having fun. I just wish I didn't have to be at work. Can I be rich please? Or if not rich...can someone support my sorry ass so I don't have to work? Please?

Really tho, there is a meaningless drift to my life right now. What's going on? I'm doubting myself more and more. When all those people were over last night I actually wondered if they were enjoying my company. I didn't know if they were really there to see me. I wondered why people hang out with anyone. I mean, what's the point? I just feel alone even when surrounded by people. It's kinda like no one is listening cause I have nothing to say.

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