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Friday, May 09, 2003

It's never perfect...either I care too much or don't care at all.

Example: Both times I went to MN, I missed a Tuesday at the club. Now not that missing a club day is all that dramatic or whatever, but I missed a fun time with my friends. Normally I get depressed and feel totally bad because I know they're off having a great time without me and I can't go because I work. Or at least that's what I did for a little while there. Even while if I was at work and they were at my house or whatever, I got all sad cause when I got there I would feel like I was imposing on their good time. They obviously didn't need me to have a good time so once I got there, they wouldn't have as much fun...which they didn't because I was all sad and depressed and stupid once I did get there. But now...I just don't care. No one has really told me what happened on Tuesday and I don't care. It doesn't mean anything to me when P told me that people missed me. I don't doesn't bother me that I missed a great time or whatever. Which is bad. I mean, I'm happy everyone had such a great time an all, but I really just don't care. And it sucks.

It completely disgusts me that such a little fuckin thing like missing out on a good time used to make me want to cry and now...whatever. It's like there is no such thing as a happy medium right now. I'm sure it's just a thing for the moment and I'll get over it by...tomorrow at the latest. Maybe then there can be balance. But I feel really fucked up right now.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense

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