Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Well...what a shitty morning.

Last night after I got off work, I called Shawn as per his request. No one answered. When I got home, P and I called the apartments that we were supposed to go see last night, but the lady/man didn't remember saying that he/she would show us them last night. So we said fuck it we'll do it on Wednesday. Crusty Monkey called and I told him the plan of going out to eat and then watching Requiem for a Dream (he has always been the one to suggest it, we hadn't seen it). Shawn called and I talked to him for 15 minutes while he got ready, then he drove over. Before he got there, P, C, Kasey and I all ate. I wrote some funny funny poetry on Kasey's computer whilest they were watching French Kiss or something else with Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline. Oh well, off to the restaurant.

Once there, I requested we be seated in the same-server-that-we-had-last-week's section. He was training a new girl and so didn't get to spend a whole lot of time visiting with us like last time. Too bad. We had dessert and then played some trivia. We paid and left at least $4. It was prolly more tho cause I left $2 and P left $2...I'm pretty sure C left something. But when we were outside smoking our server came out with P's purse and when talking to P and I, he said he was disapointed. There was only $2 on the table when they got to it. So feeling bad for the new girl P and I both each gave another $2. I have no problem with it, but still, where did the money go?

Oh well. Crusty Monkey was going to go home, but P and I talked him into coming and watching the movie with us. I'm so glad he did. We watched it in my room and there was P, Crusty Monkey, Shawn and me on the bed and then Kasey and C on the floor. The movie, Requiem for a Dream, was one of the best I've seen in my life. If ever a movie really affects my actions, that's it right there. Shawn was trying to play while it was on, but I completely ignored him. I must have told him to shut up like 6 times. I felt bad afterwards, but come on. I was totally engrossed. I had tears down my cheeks the last five minutes but didn't start really crying until it was done. Then I couldn't stop. Shawn had to leave right away to go to work, C left to go to bed so she could work this morning and then Kasey went out into the living room. Crusty Monkey, P and I just laid on my bed, not talking for a little while and then not shutting up. I teared up on and off for the next hour. But we had an excellent conversation while smoking out in the garage. (That's right, I risked smoking in my garage. It just seemed so petty to try and hide it.)

One of my biggest fears has always been that I will get older and end up alone. Friends are great and all that, but they don't need you like a family needs you. So having a family starts with finding someone to love. I'm 18 and shouldn't be worried about that yet, but still I am. Watching Sara in the movie last night . . . Totally made me think. I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but you just don't think about how it all started. I've always just assumed that most people, where she ends up, has been like that their whole life. It's just not right.

Another one of my fears is when I move out that I'm going to get way more into drugs. I've done a couple...a couple bad ones. But I just kept thinking to myself last night, I'm so glad I've never done heroin. So when I move out, I'm going to have to watch myself, cause watching them stoned was like watching me and P. Scary thought.

If you haven't seen this movie, I beg of you, go out and rent it. If you have a soul, you will be touched.

Crusty Monkey asked if he could stay the night and I said sure. I took a shower and then went to bed. 20 minutes later in came Crusty Monkey, we cuddled and fell asleep. Then about a half hour later in comes P. I have a full sized bed. I think so anyway. Two people it's ok, but three is a little hard. Not to mention that Crusty was sick and kept sneezing and coughing. So I didn't get to sleep until later and then I woke up a lot.

I got up this morning and got ready. Then realized I couldn't find my keys. I woke Crusty up so he could go to work and then resumed looking for my keys. No dice. So my dad let me borrow his truck and just drop him off at work. I was super late, but I had called and told them I would be. The tickets for Evanescence are in my glove compartment. So if my mother/P/whoever don't find them by 9:15, I told them to call a locksmith. We're going tonight and that's final. If I have to break a window in, we will get those tickets...and driving directions.

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