Wednesday, June 18, 2003

How to even talk about last night? I mean, sometimes...wow.

I drove last night to Madison, club night right? Well, once there I had to smoke Joey up cause he ALWAYS smokes me up. So share and share alike right? So we were pretty high. C forgot her id so we weren't going to go, which is why I got so high...cause I didn't have to drive. Then everyone decides to sneak her in anyway. C ended up driving Shawn's car and I rode with Clay in his car. On the way there, he was buzzed and I was high so we had a lot great conversations. At least twenty in the time it took us to get to the club. But he starts telling me this story of a guy who can't be with his boyfriend because his boyfriend is an undercover cop and the guy is like the middleman and only 17. They get found out and can't ever see each other. So on Sunday night/Monday morning, the guy hung himself. I almost started crying right there in the car when I found that out.

We get to the club and couldn't get C in. So we stood out in the parking lot and Jacob shows up. He comes over and talks to us and he starts talking about the guy that Clay was telling me about. I find out that this "guy" is Dan. My friend Dan. Dan who I played hack with on Chandler Street. Who was always going to come visit me because he had family up here too. Who I have a picture of in my photo albumn smiling like nothing in the world is wrong is now dead.

And it's so fuckin hard. I can't deal with this right now.

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