Thursday, June 19, 2003

The wake is today. Jacob is supposed to call me and tell me where to meet him so we can go together. I'm going to need him. This will be hard.


So Jacob called and we talked...without crying. Wow. Anyway, after getting directions from him, I went outside to smoke. Not many people here (at my office) know I smoke. I know a lot of them don't like it and I don't want to throw anything in their face. But this is a "trying time" (to quote someone sending sympathy my way) and I just felt the need to smoke. As one of the ladies is walking by outside, she stops, looks me up and down and keeps moving on. All I wanted to do was scream in her face. What the fuck is she looking at me for? She doesn't even know me. I don't care if she stopped smoking recently because her mom died of lung cancer. That was her decision. I'm making my decision to smoke.

Ugg, I don't know why I'm letting such a small thing get to me, but it really did.

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