Tuesday, September 30, 2003

America is 

the home of the hypocrite.

So last night was spent at home watching movies. Surprise. I called a couple of people to see if they wanted to do something...but no one answered. They all called me back after 10:30 however. When all I wanted to do was sleep. And I did. Not nearly enough tho.

Monday, September 29, 2003

I want to Rock and Roll all night 


And party every day 

Friday - Yeah, Shawn was supposed to come over...but he didn't. That's ok tho. Toast got out of jail and called me. He and a friend came over and drank some soda with P and myself. I guess Toast's intolerance to soda had been worn down a bit cause his ass passed right out at 8:30. The rest of the night was kinda boring, but it was cool to hang out with Toast again.

Shawn called at 3:30 in the morning and woke me up. He said he was called into work and that's why he didn't show up. But he wanted to hang out today (Saturday).

Saturday - I got up at 10, called Shawn like I was supposed to and left a message. Toast and I watched Trainspotting. I took him home. P and I hung out at home. P left for her home town and her sister's babyshower.

I called Grover and we talked for quite a long time. Who knows what about. It was cool tho. C came over. C and I talked and drank coffee, with plans to go to Perkin's later. That was a lot of fun. I miss hanging out with her. Our schedules just don't seem to match up a lot. Shawn came over at like 9:30 and smoked me up. hmmm, looking back, I don't think it was such a great idea. But oh well. Shawn left at like 11:15 to go to work.

C didn't want to go to Perkin's anymore. I really wanted to go, just to get out of the house. OK ok, I wanted to see if Grover was there. I ended up calling him to tell him we weren't going to Perkin's, but if he wanted to come over and play cards with us, that would be cool. So he did! Ok, he lives 45 minutes away from me. Crazy isn't it? He was already at Perkin's which is only 15 minutes away, but still, he had to drive home later that night.

I taught both Grover and C how to play Speed and we spent most of the night doing that. Eventually C left. Sometime after that, Grover and I quit. We sat talking for a long time before he had to leave (around 2).

Sunday - I woke up at 7:15, called P's friend's house to wake P up and passed back out. Then I woke up at 10:10 and called my dad. I was supposed to go trap shooting and he said I needed to be at his house ASAP for breakfast. So I hurried my ass over there and ended up reheating my food anyway. I sat around forever and waited for people. Once we finally left, we didn't even get to shoot shotguns cause people were rifle shooting. I did get to shoot a pistol tho. My first time ever. I did really bad.

P was supposed to be home at 12, so when I got home at 1:30 and she wasn't there, I was confused. I called a couple of people who had called me. I made plans with several, all of them fell through except Grover coming over. I was watching Anne of Green Gables and it might have scared him.

P finally got home and we called C to come over. Then it was off to the lake to take our annual swim. Ok, you try and tell me it wasn't cold, cause it was. VERY! It was a cold day in general, but to jump in a freezing lake. Ok, the lake was warmer than the air. We got lots of strange looks.

C dropped me off at my parent's so I could shower and warm up there, while P was in our bathroom. When I got home, C was gone and Stone was there. The guy P met at the bar all that time ago? Yeah, I don't know. We all hung out, ordered pizza and watched Boiler Room. It was a fun night.

Friday, September 26, 2003

As I look at the weekend's schedule... 

I see nothing planned. YAY! I'm actually skipping out on P's sister's baby shower. I'm sorry, but I can't do it. I need a day for me. I want to go bike riding or trap shooting or both. I hope my parents don't have any plans.

Wait! This Saturday is September 27th! Last year on that day, we went swimming in a lake nearby. It was freezing, mmkay? So when C brought it up yesterday... I just think it has to be done again. I don't know why we did it in the first place, but damn. It has to be repeated. It might get repeated tonight instead of tomorrow, but it will be done.

So I went on my "date" last night. As sad as it is, I don't think I've ever gone on a real date. I tend to not like those. But last night, what the hell, why not?

P and KJ were playing with rolling papers when I got home...so we retired to the zen room. We emerged a lot more relaxed and watched Super Troopers. As much as I hate to say it...smoking really helped me. I've been so wound up because of work and other stresses that I felt so much better.

Grover called at 6:15 and scared the hell outta me. He wasn't supposed to get off until 7. Oh well. I gave him directions and tried to sober up some while he drove here (brushed my teeth, changed clothes, pulled my hair back...those types of things make me feel more sober even if I'm still really fucked up). Plus I had to be sure I looked good.

The poor guy met the family already. My oldest sister was in town so I had to get my watch she stole from me. We dropped by my other sister's house and all the guys (my dad, my oldest sister's boyfriend and my other sister's fiancee/boyfriend) were in the living room watching a movie while the ladies (my mom and two sisters) were in the kitchen cooking. What was this for? Oh well. Poor Grover just kinda stood in the corner and shivered. I guess it was cold or something... I got my watch and we got outta there.

The movie was great. Dickie Roberts. David Spade just rocks my world. I can't believe I used to not like him. Of couse I used to be an uptight bitch.

We went back to my place and watched American History X with P, C and KJ showed up later. That movie is so long! I didn't get to bed until 2.

Now, I haven't been out on "dates". I tend to keep it a group thing and limit the one on one time until we know each other a little better, so last night was different.

Maybe this will become something, maybe we'll stay friends. However, it has been an experience.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

This is for my people, C'mon 

Hey everyone... long time no talk.. So heres the update on Levi-ness

I am in Wisconsin now until Mid-October. UGH, but I will live. at that point me and my newly purchased but not yet paid for 1990 Ford Tempo will be embarking on a journey to the land of Disney. Yes, my friends... FLORIDA. I have yet to establish this to be an early retirement or just a warm winter get-away from the rigors of a Manhattan lifestyle.. V Shell C. I am working with my dad right now.. once again as a mechanic. (We can't ALL be butch) in order to finance this latest cross-country move. Hopefully I will find happiness is the Sunshine State, lord knows The other 49 I've lived in didn't do shit for me. *heh* ((OMG.. HOT GUYS NEXT TO ME))
Life has been mundane since I got back from NY. I ALMOST got to see Keol, but she was too busy with her daily (bump and) grind to come see me. She was with Spatulla and one of his drones to see Evanesence. I know I have no reason to bitch. I could go see her, but I know she loves me as much as I love her and understands why I can't do it right now. Someday she'll realize B-Town = Death and get out of that town like I did.. but until she does I will keep blogging and calling and sending random emails about vaginas and dead birds and christmas card lightbulb orgies. I love the rest of my "Suckie Fuckie Crew", too. But Keol has and will always have a special place in my heart. That wierd undying love for someone you'll never fuck and isn't related to you. It must be a gay/chick thing. I've missed Cody, too. Not as strongly as Kelly. Probably cuz I thought Cody hated me in High School and I still have it in to nuke her farm and her little dog, too. (J/K) I just miss my girls. And I know I gave them enough fags to take care of them, but I still feel like an asshole for fucking up my life and not being in the picture because of a fear of the B-Town-Black-Hole. I just wish I would win the lottery so I could buy them everything they ever needed and take them with me on my journeys through the nation. Maybe someday I will get my wish. Cuz they are the people I am truest with and near. They know more about me than my own family and, in a sence, I have made them my family over my blood-relatives. I had better stop before I cry to lose a lung to cancer. I just will end this with I miss My KellyX2 and my Cody and I hope I see you all real real soon.

With Love.... Levi

The calm before the storm 

So I think I'm about to get really depressed again. This is how it works, I'm fine for awhile a month or so, in fact, I'm usually really super. But then things get quiet, boring and I get sad. Well, no, not sad. Just apathetic. I feel like nothing bothers me, nothing causes a reaction. Excepting, of course, my self worth drops through the floor. I'll spare you the tales of my fucked up childhood, cause I don't think it has anything to do with that. I'm just a little messed up like most everyone else in the world.

You know what it's like when you have a really scary dream? You wake up with a start, your heart is beating out of your chest and you're sure whatever caused you such fear is just going to reach out and get you? But the next day when you're telling your friend about it, it just seems really silly and all you can say was "it was really scary in my dream." To me, being depressed is like a bad dream. I just sit, terrified and wait to wake up. When the sun finally comes up, I see that the zombie standing by the wall was just my bathrobe and shadows, so I can put the suicide attempts on hold. When I go to tell someone, it just seems like a dark dream that dissolved when the sun came up. I feel silly. Sure it was really scary in my dream, but how likely is it that the zombie would actually come to get me? If I seek someone out while still sleeping, it's like prolonging the nightmare.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

this n that 

My eyes hurt. They are so red, I keep expecting the tears leaking out of them to magically turn into blood. And this is no expression of emotion. This is just pain. I must have scratched something cause damn.

Last night, I was just so tired. All I wanted to do was laze about...it didn't happen. I had a guitar lesson to go to. P made me go, she said I would be grateful later. I hate it when she's right. I learned a bit more of Elenor Rigby and also some new notes on the 5th string. Yeah baby.

Then it was shopping and hanging out with some friends. I got home around 11:45 and woke up on time today. Go me.

For your entertainment:


Looks like a late night at work tonight. I would mind so much, but because I was late this week, I won't get overtime for it. Poopy.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Beer with the guys one day... 

Chick flicks with the girls the next. Ok, so The Full Monty isn't exactly a chick flick, but close enough. My dad sure wasn't into watching them take it all off. But A Walk to Remember definately is a tear jerker. We watched both last night. I got to pretend to be sick and wear comfy clothes while taking care of P.

A phone call I've been waiting for finally came last night. My "finacee", Grover, called and really did ask me to the movies. I don't know if it's a friendly thing or if it's like a date thing. Honestly, either way is ok with me.

I spent today spitting words, letters and puncutation outta my mouth. I hate proofing. However, I like sitting and talking with whoever I happen to be proofing with. Usually we get off the track of what we're doing and long conversations just sorta happen. It's great when it's my supervisor cause then I can't even get into trouble. Today it was a lowly peeon like myself. She started talking about her wedding which will be taking place in an old theatre. It's a really beautiful building (it used to be an opera house) and cost effective. The reception is across the street in the upper levels of a building overlooking downtown (not that there is much to see). In any case, I think it's a neat idea.

Oh well. Happy Tuesday to you, my friend.

Monday, September 22, 2003

Ok, now I care. 

I slept in...again. So I think it's time this little Kelly started saying no to friends and their crazy ideas of staying out until 2. Even tho I did have the most marvelous weekend.

Friday - Well, Friday I went to my parents. My mom and I hung out for a bit. I got cds made. It was just a quiet night. C and I left for P's town to visit her and stay the night at her mother's. We left around 10 and got there at 11 or so. It was a fun, fun time. Sort of like a road trip we used to take...only shorter.

Saturday - I got my hair cut! Well, trimmed. But it still is shorter. C and I were going to tend the bar for P's dad's wedding. We got to where we were going to be bartending rather early. We cleaned up and arranged a few things, but then just sat around, waiting for all the wedding guests to show up. When they did...wow. It was a lot of fun. I was making drinks like a mad woman. C and I were working really well together and only argued about a couple of things: Scotch not being the same as whiskey and some other stupid thing like that. We drove home after gathering a grand total of $26.10 in tips, on top of what the bride and groom gave us. Nice considering we weren't expecting to get paid. To be fair, $20 of the tips was from P's grandpa who was hitting on us all night. He was so cool.

Sunday - I went to a ball game. Brewer's baby! And we won. But the game was prolly the best part of the day. Otherwise... Ok, on Thursday for the concert, I was hanging out with the guys. I had a lot of fun. The talk of how hot lesbians and young girls are didn't bother me. Sunday, I was hanging out with the guys. It bothered me. Nothing they were talking about. But I guess I just have a sensitive and considerate nature and these guys (with the exception of M) don't. I almost got sick on the way there due to a mix of fast and scary driving plus b.o. I seriously was close to gagging. Two of the guys are pretty big boys. One of them is just smelly. And it was warmish. And we were squished together in the backseat. It was just not fun.

Tailgating. Hmm. Could have been better. They made me feel like a prissy girl because I wanted my food cooked. In the end, I only ate one brat while 6 brats and four burgers were consumed by others.

The game tho was fun to watch. Again, a problem with a strong odor being emitted by a few guys, but still, baseball is totally worth it. Sexson and Ginter hit back to back home runs. Miller Park was beautiful. I really want to go to more games now...next year.

Afterwards, we sat out in the parking lot. We witnessed a van hit the car next to us and then speed off. Not before we got plates tho. However, when the owners and the cop showed up, no one could remember except me and I had been really indifferent (they were all into being heros). So that got solved and we played some catch while more food cooked (again, I got one hot dog out of 10 hot dogs and 4 burgers). I beat J's ass playing catch with the baseball. So we quit after awhile. Then they broke out the football. I sat, drank a beer and watched a bit cause I've never really played. Eventually I had to give it a try. I guess I have a really good arm and can throw "qbq" (quarterback quality) spirals. So while I spent a lot of the day getting picked on for being a girl, I was better than most of them at both baseball and football. So there.

On the drive home, I spent the time (in the front seat with no smelly guys!) talking to one of the guys I didn't really know and playing with the xm radio. It's fun. I wish I could afford it. Ohh, he's going to make me some cds with some "chill" on it. Okie Dokie.

My sister called and I went over to her house. My parents, my exboss and an excoworker (Jairy Queen) were all there. I spent most of the time with Jairy catching up. We exchanged slaps, insults and numbers so I will see him again some time.

A couple of new people came over and damn (!) they were cute. I guess they work with my sister and her boyfriend. My sister is all about hooking me up with one of the guys. Of course, we all know how she likes to pimp me out, so ... umm ... nah. We smoked and I didn't get home until 1:30 am. Because of this, I slept in until 9:00.

My supervisor had a little talk with me because this is the third time (or more I dunno) this month. She had to make sure I wasn't out partying and not sleeping. I assured her it would not happen again and it was not caused by me going out and partying. I wouldn't do that. It's just my roommate is sick and was coughing and keeping me up.

P really is sick. She has strept throat. If I catch it from her, it means I will need to get my tonsils taken out. I've been threatened by my doctor. Please no.

Friday, September 19, 2003

Does this make me really dorky? 

I am really, really looking forward to this game. The movie rocked me and I'm all about playing some good games.


I'm speachless. I had a most excellent time last night. The most fun I've had in a long time. Well, I don't know about that. The most fun I've had in a long time with people I don't normally hang out with.

KJ and JC came over when I got done with work. We sat around for awhile, which was stupid considering we needed to be there at 7:30 and didn't leave until 6:30. To make matters worse, we stopped and ate. Whoops. The poor guy I was meeting there was waiting outside the whole time. Good thing it wasn't winter. We had a really fun drive there. I just don't even know what we talked about.

Once there, I met, ummm, Joe. Yeah Joe. He gave me my ticket and he bought me a hat. How cool is that? I lost JC and KJ right away. Well, I saw JC getting kicked out eventually cause he crowd surfed. Joe and I hung out with some people we met and that was a lot of fun. I got hit on a lot and even had a beer in my hand for a bit. I didn't drink of course. I scored a phone number. Granted it was this 19 year old married chick, but she was cool as hell and we're gonna hang out sometime.

The drive home was most interesting. We dropped Joe off at his house...in south side Milwaukee. But we didn't get lost while driving back to the interstate. I've very proud of that. We spent a lot of the time listening to KJ go on about how much fun he had and that it was even better than a Manson concert because he got to make out with a lesbian. He talked about that quite a bit. JC after getting kicked out got to hang out with some of the other bands so he was happy. He talked about that for quite a bit. It was a fun drive home.

I was dropped off at home at 2:45 am. I took a shower and fell asleep waiting for KJ to come back. He got there around 3:30 and we smoked. And smoked and smoked. I've never smoked with him because when he and P were together, he didn't smoke. But last night...damn. I think I finally went and passed out at 4:30. Stupid.

I slept in. I woke up at 8:41 and called to say I would be in at 1. I hope I didn't piss anyone off (Turdy). But if I did....whoops. I almost care.

I guess I wasn't really speachless at all.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

I'm a liar 

Well, not so much a liar, just one who gets bored with the truth. Grover is my fiancee. He bid the highest and promised to keep me at a higher lifestyle so he won. I'm not really going to marry him (unless one day we do actually fall in love). He did sorta ask me to the movies with him...

Oh guess who was at my apartment last night when I got home! P, C and that guy that P was all about. Yay for her! I was really hoping he would show up or call sometime. He really is a nice guy tho. So far anyway. I guess he can have a name now. Let's call him Stone.

Eventually everyone left, so I hung out alone. I read, I watched Sailor Moon, I read some more. It was a decent time. I'm so used to either entertaining or being entertained that it was weird at first. But I talked on the phone a bit. M, JC and Butch.

I was actually asleep by 11. Strange and weird I know. All I know is when the phone rang at 11:25 I had to wake up to answer it. My brain was all scrambled, but I managed to make plans with KJ for a ride tonight. Evanescence. In Milwaukee. I'm not too excited about going cause I know I'm going to be dead tired at work tomorrow. But what can ya do?

My opinion of KJ has gone way up. We used to not get along at all. He was dating P and she was my best friend and later, my roommate. Well, I guess he felt like he had to compete with me for time with her. Anyway, he was the one who introduced us to Evanescence by letting us burn his cd before they were popular. Then P and KJ broke up and the band started touring. He is the one who told us about the concert in Milwaukee and we all wanted to go. Well, another one of our friends was going, so we hitched a ride with him and KJ didn't have a ride. And that was a really uncool, mean thing to do, but there isn't a whole lot we could have done. Now KJ is giving me a ride and was willing to give one of my friends a ride if they needed one. That's really cool.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Good Morning 

Is anyone else having trouble believing it's only Wednesday? Cause I most certainly am. But there is still a long week ahead. Last night, man, when will I learn to use my brain.

Right after work I was offered to go on a cruise. And I would have gone, but I had a guitar lesson. That kinda ticked me off cause I wanted to hang out with these couple of people for awhile. Instead I listened to Aqua and got into a better mood. I hung out at my parent's with P after that. We went home around 9:30 and I showered while she read and C drove over. We went to Perkin's.

It was a lot of fun. My entire booth were either reading books or had books sitting in front of them and it was a big conversation piece. Not the books, but the fact that we were all reading semi-intelligent books. P was reading The Two Towers, C was reading The Oddessy, Grover was reading Lovecraft and I had Watership Down. I didn't know it was such a big deal.

Last night was a rare night. Everyone was in a good mood, rowdy and loud! D was there. I was being auctioned off and ended up getting proposed to. Grover and I started a hack circle. It was just a good, fun night. Which is why I didn't leave until 2:30am. D'oh!

In my defense, people kept talking to me. I had to give my number out to friends who didn't have it and all that jazz. Plus, my new fiancee was talking to me. But I'll talk about that later. I have a meeting to go to.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Cds & Smurf 

Cds- I will get them out. Eventually. See what happened was...never mind. It's not important, but I will be getting them out soon. Sorry it takes me so long. Ask Kasey how long it's been since I've sent her a freakin postcard.

Smurf - Apparently he's at the hospital. Beach Boy just walked into my office and showed me a text that Smurf sent him saying "At er. mite need help." So...I'm guessing Beach Boy is going to keep me up to date on this one. And I'll let you know how things go.

I cooked! 

Well, P and I cooked. We made eggs, bacon and toast. Yummy. Ok, so the bacon was a little burnt and the eggs got a little crunchy but it was pretty good. The toast was perfect. A great meal to watch the Sword in the Stone. That's really all we did last night.

But it's not all we were supposed to do. That guy that P had "everything" in common with was supposed to come over. All night she had been describing how great he was and how I was supposed to tell her if he was a douche bag cause she saw nothing wrong with him so far and that's just not natural. Or something like that. Well, he's a douche bag cause he didn't show up.

The other night, my sister's boyfriend invited me over to his house for some herbal refreshments but I couldn't make it, so I took a rain check for last night. Or I was supposed to, but he never called. That's ok tho, cause I turned my phone off. But I checked my messages this morning and some guy called:

Guy: Hey this is Mike. I'm a friend of [my sister] and [my sister's boyfriend] and I was wondering if later tonight you might like to get together with me and ... become friends. I think it would be fun. Ok. Bye then.

I figure it must me a joke. I mean, if my sister would seriously do that to me, I would slap her upside her dumb head and never talk to her again. Well, I wouldn't slap her and I would talk to her again, but I'd be a pissy bitch to her for a couple of days. I don't get it. She asked me not to give her number out to anyone, including her friends that she used to have (but no longer does becaues her boyfriend is a fucking ass that way). But she can give my number out to random strangers, joke or not and think that I'm ok with it. Ummm, no.

One thing I didn't mention about the parade on Sunday. Shawn was supposed to be there instead of Scary Mary. But at the last minute (2:00 Sunday morning) he ditched out. If I hadn't gone over and woke Scary Mary to ask her to do this I would have been fucked. This is part of my job and he just left me high and dry. Not cool. So when I got an email from him appologizing this morning, I didn't quite know what to do. Cause lately I feel like he's been ignoring out little group. And he has. But he says it's because he feels like he was getting annoying to P. I'm so sick of that mess that I just don't even want to touch it. He could just call me, but no. And when I call, I can't get a hold of him. I feel like I'm losing a friend because two of my friends are being really silly and not discussing issues. Again.

Monday, September 15, 2003

I do not want to be at work 

I feel like I have a totally stereotypical hangover. I remember saying sometime recently that I wasn't going to drink for awhile. So much for willpower. I went and tried to smoke a cigarette too, but nope, that I can still give up.

I was supposed to have the afternoon off on Friday. I ended up worked until 4 to get a stupid mailing out for the department supervisor cause she had to have the day off. For something really silly like stamping or something. I was very bitter cause I was going to go to Chicago, but there wouldn't really be any point to going so late.

Oh my gosh, this really shouldn't be exciting as it is, but on Saturday, P and I went groccery shopping! We have food! And toilet paper! It's kind of exciting. And we cleaned. So our appartment is looking pretty good right now.

And Sunday. Oh my precious little Sunday. I actually typed a post last night while under the influence. It makes sense...mostly:

"You rock my world. If you are reading these words you rock my world.

So today was a big celebration and sale in one of my towns today. So there was a parade! And I got to be a parade official! So I actually walked the parade route three times handing out programs. P, C, Scary Mary and myself actually. Ohhh and we got to ride on a float of some sorts. Afterwards, C and Scary Mary took off. P and I went to the bar with my coworkers and we both got pretty drunk. Whoops. I saw lots of people I knew, J and M were there. I kissed jonk a couple of times. I met some new people, I saw some people from the past...wow. Smurf. I liked smurf a lot. "

Yeah. I had a lot of beer last night. I don't even like beer. Well, I guess I don't have too much of a problem with it...cause I drank it. Beer, a small swallow of a jagerbomb and a kamakazi. Nice. I didn't get too drunk (yes I did), but I had a lot of fun. I didn't go home with anyone and no one came home with me...including P who went with this guy who she had "EVERYthing" in common with (both of them thought so). Because they were both in the "armed service and ... just everything". He was pretty cool.

Oh my gosh, Smurf, who I talked about up in my drunken ramble from last night was there! I haven't seen him in almost 2 years. Sad. He was one of my supervisors when I was a lifeguard and I had a huge crush on him. I don't know why, he's kind of an ass. But he got on stage with the band and sang Sublime. I can see why I used to like him. He is "Best Friends!" with one of my coworkers, Beach Boy. That same coworker told me to take his cousin home with me because he's going back to Cali today and needed to have a good time. Yeah I don't know.

I also made some new friends. Maria and Ron. I know I've seen Maria before so when I stopped her and asked her, she said I look familar too. (Of course when in a bar and drinking, everyone looks familiar) We actually have seen each other around through work (I advertise, her boyfriend owns a local business). But we decided that we're going to be friends. P and Maria are going to go to the bar sometime together.

It was a great night, ending with...going to my parent's. The bar I was at was actually about 20 miles from my house, so C (I love this girl) came and picked my drunk bitch ass up. She also dropped J off at Perkin's and waited while I went in and acted like a stupid drunk person. I did get toast out of the deal tho, so I don't really care. Anyway, she not only drove me to my car (which was at my parent's) but she listened to my stupid mouth which never shut up.

It was cool as hell to talk to my mom. She shut off the tv and listened to my bar stories. Then while we were talking later, she said out of us kids (my 2 sisters and I) she probably had the most fun with me. And that while she doesn't mind being our mother (cause we turned out pretty good) she really enjoys being our friend. I'm not quite sure how to take that one, but ... oh well.

I was just talking to Beach Boy and Smurf is missing! Apparently the girl he's been trying to get with all summer long was at the bar with her boyfriend last night so he was doing all sorts of crazy stuff (like getting on stage and singing Sublime) cause she was there. Hmmm, sucks for him. But when Beach Boy and his cousin left the bar, he didn't want to go with. His car is at his house, but he is nowhere to be found. His dad is driving around looking for him and his coworkers were calling Beach Boy all looking for him. I'm not too worried cause he was totally drunk and could just still be passed out. But I'm a little worried because he was totally drunk and anything could have happened. I just hope he's ok.

My horoscope for the day according to msn:

A close friend or loved one might drop out of sight today, dear Cancer, and you may go into a panic when this person doesn't return your phone calls. Don't jump to conclusions. This person is preoccupied with matters that for the moment appear important, and will reach you in his or her own time. When you do finally touch base, some interesting news could come your way. Relax, get on about your business, and look forward to the call.

Smurf isn't exactly a loved one but that's still kind of strange.

Friday, September 12, 2003

Last night and more... 

I hung out at my parent's last night. It was fun, my sister and her boyfriend were there and we had a campfire. It was a little windy but ya know. I got to ride in their new car, a PT Cruiser. Hmmm, some of the accessories seem like they're cheaper than the ones in my Kia. But it's cute anyway.

While there, I took the opportunity to burn a cd for my dear friend Kasey. As I was burning it and realizing that it is mostly my favorite songs by various different artists, I thought that everyone should have access. So I've decided that if you email me your real home address, I will mail you a cd. For free.

Thursday, September 11, 2003


I'm really stupid. Take last night for example. After coming home from work I spent a couple of hours watching Sailor Moon and practicing guitar (sailor moon is in Japanese so subtitles make for some wicked multi-tasking, rawk!*) I called my mother and she invited me to watch Bullet-Proof Monk at their house. I quick took a shower and went on over there. While there, my sister's boyfriend/fiancee/whatever he is called me up and invited me over to smoke. Well... I said ok (in my defense he didn't say he wanted to drink). So after the movie I drove on over there.

Out came the Smirnoff Twist and cards. We played Hockey and Asshole. I had to drink three or four in a short period of time. Then my sister's boyfriend dragged myself, his friend and himself into the smoking room. I was really messed up after that. No way was I driving home. So around 1, I passed out on their couch. My alarm on my phone went off at 3, I turned it off and woke up at 4. When putting my contacts back in, I felt faint and ended up sitting on the ground for quite awhile while I waited for it to pass. I don't have any idea where that came from. I went home and tried to pass out but couldn't. I was so worried about work. What? Yeah, work. I hate my job but I still want to do the best I can at it (when I take time out of blogging). I fell asleep around 5 and really didn't want to wake up this morning.

* I'm not really that excited about it. (yeah I am)

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Robots love their mommies too

Am I still making sense? 

I remember when I used to like green peppers. Raw, cooked whatever. It didn’t matter to me as long as we were “up north”. Up north was Montello, WI. My uncle and father had purchased a couple of acres of land and built a building in a couple of weeks. This building was really a garage, or would be when the real house was built. But for two summers, it served as the cabin. My uncle pretty much lived up there and my aunt, who was still working and not yet in a wheelchair, would come up on weekends. My sisters and I were always excited to learn we would be spending the weekend with my dad there. During the day, my sister and I spent most of it at the lake, fishing, swimming, or canoeing. At night we would have the required campfires and I would always get scared whenever my dad mentioned the demon bats. They had red eyes and they sat in the treetops waiting for a little child to wander away. I made sure to walk a straight path from the cabin to the fire and back if I ever had to move. The night would end around 2 and everyone would retire to the cabin to sleep on bunk beds and pull out couches. In the morning, my uncle and dad were usually already gone fishing by the time I woke up, but my aunt would be there getting ready to make breakfast. My sister and I would help out (breaking eggs was my favorite part) but I always had to cut the peppers for the omelets. I insisted for a long time that I did not like peppers (I never actually tried one) and didn’t want to have to cut them, but my aunt always made me. She said she would stop making me as soon as I tried one. Well, I finally did, and I didn’t hate it. In fact, it was pretty darn good. I didn’t mind cutting the peppers after that cause I would end up eating them as I went.

As all good things, the fun times in Montello had to stop. My family all moved to Colorado, the house was built (so there was no more cabin, just a garage) and eventually my uncle became an alcoholic and my aunt got a divorce. Sometime in between all that, I started to not like green peppers again, this time because of experience.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Another Interview 

If you would like to play along and have me interview you ... the following rules apply:
1. If you want to participate, please leave me a comment saying "interview me" (along with your e-mail address, please).
2. I will respond by asking you five questions – each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Thanks to Joe

1) Did you or do you currently have a stuffed animal that you love and adore?

I did. I had a bright pink dragon or dinosaur of some kind. It had a really long nose and my sister used to pin me down and stuff it in my mouth. I used to hate her.

2) How many partners have you had sex with? Who was the best and WHY?

Personal don’t you think? But I will admit. I have had sex with one person and obviously he was the best (but please God don’t let him really be the best).

3) The insect that scares me the most is...

Well, all insects scare me. I go into an extreme state of panic when bugs my personal space is threatened by such a creature. But there is a bit of a tie between bees/wasps and centipedes .

4) Pedophiles make me feel...

Sad. Angry. I feel like I would if I had trusted someone a huge, very personal, very important secret and that person told everyone.

5) If an atomic bomb wrecked the world, who would you want to be in a bomb shelter with? You may pick 4 people.

I’m going to pretend that everyone I didn’t pick was in a shelter somewhere else; otherwise I will go into a state a panic normally reserved for crawly things. I would have P, Beppo, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Not really. Do you really realize how hard this question is? I just can’t answer it. I might some day but … damn.

Monday, September 08, 2003

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta 

I had the most amazing couple of days. I'm not including my trip to Minnesota cause that always sucks. My groove was totally thrown off.

Friday - we got back around 5:30. I went home and hung out with P. I did some phone networking and got my oldest sister to drive an hour and a half to see me and my mom to go to the bar with us. I'm good. See one of my excoworker's band was playing and even tho I didn't really care about seeing my excoworker, there were other people I knew would be there.

My mother sat at the bar with us for a drink and then left. I stayed and hung out with all sorts of people. My other sister and her boyfriend came and hung out. P, Kookie (a fun fun girl I used to work with), a guy named Dave (who walked up and introduced himself), another Kelly (who invited us to a party on Saturday), Josh (Kelly's boyfriend who hit on me repeatedly), Ryan (the guy from S's party who called me attractive and really wanted to hook up), and many many other people. It was just a good time. I was a very happy drunk person. But not disgustingly drunk. P and I walked home, a mile in the very sunless country. By choice. It was a little scary and probably not the wisest thing to do, but fun. I spent a lot of time on the phone talking to either my ex-boyfriend J or his roommate M. They wanted me to go to a Brewers game on Sunday.

Saturday - I really meant to get up early, 1 is early right? But when I did get up I got moving. I picked up the house a bit, P and I drove to Mad, picked up Crusty Monkey, went down to State Street, bought a pipe, dropped Crusty Monkey off and drove to Shawn's by 5. It wasn't the most happening time. I really wanted to be napping or doing something. At least Shawn didn't make me drink. Yay for that. I'm proud of my willpower lately. P and I hung out there with various characters making an appearance until 10:30.

We took off for home. Stayed there 10 minutes and then went to the new Kelly's party. Wow. It was busy and we didn't really see anyone we knew, but we met new people. Fun. It wasn't too great so we left after an hour and went to Perkin's. Hung out there for a couple of hours and then left meaning to go home. However some guys from the party called and wanted us to come back. So we did. Josh ended up saying to me "I'd kiss you but my girl is over there." Then he said to P "Meet me over by the truck". It's such a shame he was so sleazy, cause he was cute. I saw Hydee, E's exgirlfriend and we actually got along and talked about hanging out. We'll see. I saw another girl who swears we were introduced twice, she hung from my neck and kissed me on the cheek twice while talking to me for quite awhile. Drunk people. The guys who called us back to the party tried to get us to take them home with us, but we just laughed. P and I left when all the fights broke out. I was home at 5:50 I think.

Sunday - I really was going to get up and go to the Brewers' game but nooooo. J and M never called. So I called them when I woke up, the ripe time of 3:55. Sick. I really didn't want to sleep that long. I spent some time over at my parent's doing laundry and hanging out. I ended up smoking with my sister's boyfriend and going out to Perkin's to meet M and J. They weren't there! Those bastards. But then after I called to make sure they would be showing up at least, E came in. Oh my goodness. I hate that fucker. With all my little heart and I don't hate many people. In fact, I think he is the only one. But he's also the only one that totally fucks with my head whenever I see him. Ugh. Anyway, I hung out with M and J, they totally made fun of me because I was baked. Those bastards.

Kelly, how goes it? Check this out . . . let me know what you think. www.sweetpeachy.blogspot.com Luv ya, but it's bed time. Adios.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

B, C, D, E, F and G 

Those are the notes I know. On the guitar. It has been a dream of mine for years to learn to play the guitar. Well, actually I wanted to learn bass, but take what you can get. So last night, after building up courage all day, I went into the music store to ask about lessons. That's right, I had to build courage to ask. I'm not normally that much of a chickenshit, but because this meant so much to me I was scared. Call me a baby I don't care, the thing that matters is I did go. The guy I talked to seemed a little nervous and was really quiet, but he ended up teaching me a lesson when I went back later. I am really glad I was in band for six years cause I can already read music and don't have to learn all that crap. However, I do feel like I'm reverting to sixth grade again when we do some of the simple stuff. I think it's going to be a lot of fun tho.

Shawn called while I was talking to my instructor so I had to tell him I would call him back. When I did, we caught up a bit on what we had been doing lately and we hung up after five minutes. However, tomorrow is his birthday and Saturday is the party, so I'll see him soon.

I really don't want to drink. I haven't had the desire or stomach to be able to lately. I know, that on Saturday, Shawn will be very disapointed if I don't drink. Until he's so krunk that he doesn't the difference and I'll have to take care of him anyway. So I should be sober for that right? I think so.

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

I don't wanna go! 

Seems like another business trip is here to steal me away. What's so great about Minnesota anyway? Nothing much....well, hockey players.

Shawn's birthday is Thursday and the same day I'm supposed to leave. Hopefully we will be back by Saturday which is when his party is. Paintball and then party. Sounds like a blast. I don't know if it's still happening tho, cause Shawn hasn't called me in days. It's really weird. We've gone months without as least talking on the phone once a day pretty much. But now it's been three days! It's a little strange.

Monday, September 01, 2003

Another man I'm going to marry 

I had a long, fantastic weekend. I really hope all of you did too. But be warned because it was so great and so long, this post is a little lengthy.

Thursday - Remember how Shawn and I were supposed to hang out? Yeah well, he also had a date. So I gave up waiting for him to call around 10:30. By then I had already been out dancing in the rain by myself and it was a lot of fun, but I craved human interaction. So I went to Perkins. Soaking wet. I guess E was there....I didn't see him and if I did, it might have ruined my fun. Em called me back and she met me at Perkin's. We stayed for a bit, but then took off. P, Em and I hung out until 4 in the morning watching Dazed and Confused and feeling rather like it.

Friday - Shawn showed up with a rose to try and appologize. I was still annoyed that he didn't call but I had a great time anyway so I wasn't too pissed off. He kept going on about how great of a night he had and how much he likes this boy, which he says after every date (only P pointed it out and he got a little ticked). He was in a crappy mood for a long time then. Oh well, we couldn't find a fourth person to go to Noah’s so we gave the ticket away in the parking lot. Aren't we just the best?

The day was spent mostly in the wave pool. None of us felt like going on any slides or waiting in line, so the only "ride" we went on was the log ride. Shawn left after making all the girls swoon by singing karoke. He really is good. P and I perfected tube dancing and then we took off too. To go eat the worst food in my life. I had a bunch of gift certificates for different restaurants and I made the mistake of using one. I would have been so pissed off if I actually had to pay for that. My parents met us in town and we tried to go to a show, but traffic, lines...we gave up and ended up just sitting at the bar.

Saturday - Plans for Saturday kinda died, so P and I met my parents at their house and then went to the show. It was cute...ok, the boys were cute. Suddenly it was night time and P decided she needed to go to the bar. Em called and asked if I wanted to go see a movie. I did. Off we went, smoking in the parking lot before we went in to the 10:50 showing of Johnny Depp. Afterwards we went to Perkins and waited for P. She got there around 2:15 (still before bar time) and we chilled until 3:45, Em and I left.

Sunday - Ok this is my favorite. YAY FOR TASTE OF MADISON! I love it so much. Cause after the bands put on a wonderful show, they mingle with the crowd. Golly gee gosh I was having so much fun. We got there after Livid had already been on the stage for awhile, I didn't feel we missed much, but C had a different opinion I think. Oh well. Up next...Driver 13. But first we had to eat. Cause I have had crap food since Thursday actually. And it was the TASTE of Madison. So...anyway, we got burgers and then made it to listen to most of Driver. He's such a cool dude. After those fellas, was V-Shaped Mind. They were pretty cool, C was "very happy" with them, P was "not moved". After them, ManMadeGod. Here is where it gets fun. They threw a cd into the crowd, right above my head. I jumped and tried to catch it in my hands, but didn't. However, it landed between my chest and arms which had been pulled in really quick so I didn't get elbowed to death by all the people trying to get the same cd. I ended up trying to wrench it free from all the people who were trying to grab it from me and was on the ground by the time it was done. Pann saw and asked for someone to help me up and I was on my feet before I knew it. Dazed and bruised with a really sore, but surprisingly not bleeding nose. They finished up and JJO gave away a Harley.

We all stood around for almost an hour with C no where to be found, which annoyed us cause her phone was off. We weren't too worried, but it sucks when people just disapear without even telling anyone "hey I'll be right back." P and I have no idea what was going on yesterday for C. But she wasn't in too great of a mood when she was by us.

ANYWAY, on came Caroline’s Spine. Oh my did they rock my world. P and I were very close to the front for a long time . Then we were the front. YAY! Jimmy even looked at me straight in the eye while singing a couple of times. It must be love!

There was only one bad part of their concert. A big, fat, drunkenly nasty man who kept pushing me. P was trying to hold me and we were both about to turn around and tell him off, but in swooped J and KP. Our ex-boyfriends for those not keeping with the times. Ugh. Oh well, they were ok to hang out with yesterday.

After they exited the stage, I managed to get a pick throw at me from a roadie. It fell on the ground so I hit the ground and was weaving in and out of people's legs to get it. I did. And then I saw one on the stage and asked the same roadie about it. He handed it to me. So I had two picks! I gave Mark's to P and kept Jimmy's for myself.

P and I saw that ManMadeGod were all hanging out without many people by them, so we went to see if we could get my cd signed. We did. Pann looked at me and says "I saw you on the ground! Are you ok?" Oh he has beautiful eyes. But all the guys signed it. There was talk of trading pants, but nothing was followed through.

There was still Caroline's Spine to be meeting, so we went and stood in line. Well, really P stood in line while C and I kicked hack with some strangers. Eventually I went up by P and we sang a bit to pass the time. Well, Jimmy heard us so we had to sing for him. AHHH!! I can only sing when I don't think about it. But to sing for this beautiful man in front of us who I will be marrying one day...well. I got a little stupid. Oh well. I don't even know if I shook his hand or not, but I did shake Jason's, the drummer. He was all high energy and cool as hell. Scott, the bass player gave me a hug! I don't know why, no one else really got one, but yeah...that was nice. The guitar player, Mark was cool too. He was big! Like muscles. He kinda set off my gaydar a bit, but I don't know. He certainly dressed like it, tight long-sleeved black shirt, tighter pants and a big, beautiful belt buckle. Anyway, they all signed a cd I bought. It has to be love.

I went back to the hack circle and played. It was great! It only went into the fountain a couple of times. Go us. We all said goodbye and went home. What a long drive. I hate driving so much.

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