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Last night I cleaned my house! Now all I need is P to pick up her crap and we can live in a beautiful apartment again!

Today I went to Madtown with my boss. He picked up some xmas gifts and whatnot. I got to help pick out stuff...like diamond earings. Yup, beautiful 1 carot diamond earings set in white gold. They are really beautiful. I know who they're for too...but I really can't tell. But things make a lot more sense now and I'm content in my knowledge.

It's the Thanksgiving "party" here at work. At noon they busted out the turkey and booze. I ate when I got back here and am sipping on a kahlua and cream now. yummy. Tonight I may go with my father to pick up my aunt and uncle in another town. It'll be nice to be able to leave early and then hang out with my dad.

All day today, I've been smiling. Just in a good mood and ready to do what I can. I like it. I think it's because I got a lot off my chest last night talking with Lion and P. P and I started watching a movie and Lion came over in the middle of it. We watch a bit with him but then stopped it and I got to say my speech I had rehearsed. They laughed at me and then we talked. Afterwards, we finished the movie.

Wow, what an incredibly busy week it has been. I stayed late three days last week and over lunch time once. Then today and yesterday I've been working my butt off to get things done so I don't stay late. Maybe it is payback for getting to slack off this summer.

Ok, this weekend was uneventful. P and I finally hung out with SteveO and his friend...it was a lot of fun. Except, I spent the whole night talking to SteveO and she spent the entire night talking to his friend...but when bedtime rolled around, SteveO kind of gave me a peptalk to get me to sleep with his friend. Ummm...no. Plus, P and I think they smoked in our living room while we were sleeping. But it was still fun.

Ok, I love Lion, but geeezzee. He is just getting easier and easier to be mean to. I'm not mean a lot but once I decided that I can be mean to you, I am. He went and told my mom that he almost choked to death because the three other people that were there (P, KJ and myself) were high. Ok. What? First off, He was coughing, as in taking in air, breathing. It might have been strained, but I was taught if they are coughing not to f*ck with them. Secondly, KJ and I used to be lifeguards and P still is. We wouldn't have let him die anyway, if he actually passed out, we know exactly what to do. And why did he have to go and tell my mom? Ugh.

So I think I'm going to Madtown tonight. I want to see Joey and all the others. And I'm going tomorrow too. Fun...only not. It would be if the Thanksgiving party at work wasn't tomorrow. but it is. Damn.

Ok, I have to get back to work.

But

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KASEY!!!!

You rock the hizzie

I was just talking about him. This sucks.

So my boss has lost about two hundred and eight pounds while on the Atkins diet. It's been one year since he started and said he was going to die in a year. Instead, he's healthy and, well, not quite happier. Today he is emailing Atkins because no one else has reported such a huge weight loss. He wants to be like Jared "only the real thing and not so gay".

Ehh.

So I'm still hard at work while the bosses fuck around.

But at least I got to hang out with C last night. It had been over a week. I called her last week, but she never called back or answered her phone, which kind of pissed me off. I don't want her to disappear, but she has new friends and I don't want to intrude on that. It's kind of a new thing and I'm very happy for her.

Oh my gosh. He has two things going against him today. The fact that he wants everything done yesterday and that he brought in chocolate covered oreos. The oreos would be wonderful if he ate some, but he can't because of the Atkins thing. He brings them in to have everyone else eat them and gain weight. He's sick like that sometimes.

Ok, I'm usually fine and energetic on Mondays but Tuesdays kick my ass. All I want to do after work is sleep or just sit somewhere not having to do anything. But it's also the night of my guitar lesson. So I end up doing stuff anyway and not recovering at all. Last night was no exception.

I was supposed to take Lion to the club last night. I was totally dragging ass when I got to my parent's so they told me not to go. Lion said he wouldn't mind too much if we didn't go, so I decided not to go. He still wanted to go out tho so I offered to take him to the bar where P and one of her friends were supposed to be at. The whole way there is seems like he made "jokes" about how he really wanted to go to the club and it's my fault that he's not going. I was starting to get pissed and told him flat out that it can't be like that. He said he was ok with not going and if he wasn't he should have said so, but since he didn't, I wasn't going to listen to that. Uh, he still did it throughout the night and I was very short tempered everytime he did.

Anyway, the bar that P was supposed to be at was closed, SteveO called right when we got there and met us at another bar P might be at. They ended up hanging out at my house with me.

SteveO and I smoked, Lion and SteveO drank. Some truths came out from Lion. Some reasons why he was up here, some truths about what he's really been doing. Hmm, I don't know about that.

I'm getting my ass kicked at work so ... lates

my dad had a good birthday I think. we went to dinner at a nicer restaurant and had a blast. he was a little silly after the stinger, my mother was giggly after the screwdriver and I was silly and giggly after the two dacquires and several "sips" of wine and the stinger.

he opened presents at my sister's house after dinner. they got him a ps2. maybe now I can get my xbox back from him. know any good war games I could get him for xmas?

P called SteveO but he didn't anwer or call back, so I don't feel bad about skipping out on them again.

tonight all I want to do is chill out at home. but Lion still needs to meet more people, so he really wants to go to the club tonight. *Sigh* man oh man. I suppose I could let him drive on the way home so I could pass out but...I just want to sleep.

I'm feeling the need to hide from everyone and everything... again. I wonder how long this one will last.

My dad is 50 today. I just don't know how to react to that.

It's strange to think that he's been alive for a half a century. Some of his experiences I've heard, some I can only imagine. His father took his family on vacation to Iowa when he was 4 and then left them there. He grew up with his older sister and brother until he was 11 and his mother died. From there he went to his aunts house in Wisconsin, while his brother and sister were sent to other family members. He grew up there with his cousins and received a suitcase for his graduation. He was out that night.

My dad is an amazing man. He's funny, friendly and fun. He came from a childhood without love and never hesitates to tell his family how much he loves them.

He means the world to me. And I love him very much.

Wipe that tear from my eye and continue...
So. I didn't do much this weekend. On Friday, I hung out with D and later, JQ. I took Lion to Perkins and introduced him to some people.

Saturday, I went on a roadie to Mad with my sister and her boyfriend. I watched a movie with Grover and then we went to Perkins to wait for P and Lion to show up after they got done at the bar. It was really boring...P and Lion showed up and I played hack outside with JC and Grover. That was fun. P and Lion left and I stayed playing hack. P was smashed and told me to go home and hang out with all of them...apparently they were all (being the people she went to the bar with and some the met there) coming over. Umm, I hate being sober around drunk people. So I stayed at Perkins. F-meow, Grover, Spike and I sat talking until 5am. Everyone kept taking turns making me jump...or look disgusted.

When I got home, Lion was on the couch. I thought he was sleeping, but instead the f*cker scared the shit out of me when I had my back to him. I screamed and slammed the door shut in his face when I realized it was him. That bast'd. When my heart started to beat normally again, I went out and laid on him and we talked. It was nice to catch up on what was going on.

Sunday/yesterday....I woke up at 11:30. You're not supposed to fall asleep at 6:30 and wake up at 11:30, but I did. Lion made us the most wonderful breakfast. Some kind of rice pudding, biscuits and bacon. It was great! He put ice cream in the rice to make it vanilla flavored. This guy, Steveo, had slept in P's room with her and he was most entertaining.

P was going to get a tattoo, but the guy wasn't home so we hung out at home instead. We ordered pizza, smoked and watched Igby Goes Down. We're going to watch it again today cause we didn't really understand it all.

KJ came over and we smoke and watched Family Guy.

From the makers of :

I got the greatest cd on Saturday. It's Veggie Tales songs, but they sing your name in
the songs. I really love it.

Spike and I have plans to hang out sometime...but he has my number so it's up to him to call...I wonder if he will. I hope so.

We were supposed to hang out with SteveO last night, but we both worked this morning. So tonight (but it's my dad's birthday).

So here at work there are at least two groups of people. I don't belong to either and yet I belong to both. On one side is my clueless supervisor and the general manager (my boss) and on the other is...well, everyone else.

My boss is fun. He's rude and not pc and we have fun. We have the same sense of humor. My supervisor is a real sweetheart. When we have to travel together, it's fun. I like hanging out with them at work. I just don't like working with/for them. When my boss wants something, he wants it "yesterday" and it keeps everyone on edge sometimes when he's demanding and the department has problems. My supervisor is so flighty! She is very unorganized for being so organized. She barely knows how to work the computer and doesn't learn things easily. She'll take off and leave me with everything, while I can't because she doesn't know what's going on.

The other group. I don't like hanging out with them so much. They gossip and talk about things like scrapbooking and stamping. Not my cup of tea. But I enjoy working with them, because they get stuff done. Ok, only two people in my department belong to that group but still...

So when I get stuck in a situation that I am currently in...I don't like it. Both sides ask me to "spy" and I just won't. There is talk about a relationship between my supervisor and boss and people want me to find out. Because one of the girls here is engaged to a coworker and got crap for years about it. She just wants to know why it's ok for them, but my boss was ruthless about teasing her. On the other side, they want to know details that I just don't want to find out. Who's talking crap and what's going on. So far, I claim ignorance for everyone and try to just do my job, but it's hard when I've got people coming into my office and asking questions.

So the pot says to the kettle...

Yesterday I did in fact stay sober. Yay for me. I hung out with my sister and her boyfriend and we had a blast. We shopped for my father's 50th birthday on Monday. It's going to be fun. I picked up Nickelcreek for him and also ordered a Packer's belt buckle (he gave me all of his and only has an NRA and I think it's time to move on...plus he loves the packers). I fell asleep and my sister was a great pillow while watching Pippi Longstocking.

I had a dream last night that I was at a party, in a huge room with a band. It reminded me of a high school dance but it was thrown by one of my friends (I think it was Levi). P, C and I were hanging out and dancing/talking/whatever we do. Grover was in the back with a huge group of his friends. P, C and I walked through to get to the bathrooms and Grover grabs both of my hands with his and just smiles at me and askes who I came with. I say someone else drove and he asks if I want to leave early with him and go hang out. I say sure, but in a bit. He agrees and gives me a kiss, I kiss back and it isn't until I get halfway to the bathroom that I realize that Grover kissed me. Needless to say I'm in shock, cause this kid is normally really shy. Really...really...shy. The dream continues to P, C and myself talking in the bathroom that looks like the one in the waterpark I used to work at. And much laughing. Of course.

Back to real life. When I woke up I was suprised. My mom called and I think I told her about it. Grover? So far we're just friends. If anything is going to develop, it's going to take awhile. He really is shy and it kills me. How can two shy people get anywhere?

I got to see P this morning! Her schedule has been:
Yesterday: work 8:30am-2:30pm; class 3-6; work 7pm-7am.
Today: work 8:30am-2:30pm; class 3-6; work 7pm-7am.
Tomorrow: work 8:30am-3pm.
So seeing her was a treat since I haven't. Hopefully she'll find someone to work for her on Saturday so she can crash. It doesn't help that she hates both of her jobs. But hey, she'll have money!

There is nothing I would like more than to just pass right the fuck out just at this very moment.

Pardon my language.

Hey, my apartment is clean! It took two hours, but it's clean-ish. I will be finishing the cleaning tonight. Boo!

P and I went over to D's new apartment. That was in the ghetto. Well, the ghetto of this town. It's still pretty bad. We watched Spirited Away with her downstairs roommate and Toast was there too. While we were sitting there, the new girl's baby started to cry so we would stop the movie and watch songs from Chicago. Well, one time (it happened three times) Toast is just laughing. But not a good laugh. A This-is-so-ironic-I-could-just-DIE kind of laugh. So I ask what? And he quietly tells me that five minutes before we picked him up, he found out he's going to be a father. Wha??? Of course I about died laughing, cause really, the irony of the situation was just too great.

After the movie, we went back to my apartment (p, toast and myself). P and I were just going to go to bed, but instead my sister's boyfriend called. He said that my sister wanted to come over and watch a movie. He decided to come too after I invited them all over. Stupid me.

P still tried going to bed, but we were loud. Not on purpose. In fact, we tried to keep quiet, but it just didn't work. There was a time I was sitting in my room with my sister and looking at pictures, I was laughing so hard I was snorting and tears came to my eyes. It was seriously the most I have ever laughed.

So you might be thinking "her sister's boyfriend? Wasn't he just carrying a gun around and calling people whores?" And the answer would be yes. But that's just the way it works with him. He'll freak out and then it's usually out of his system. I think my sister just threatened to leave him, but whatever... it worked and will work. It's like an abusive relationship without the abuse (physically). He sounded like he meant it completely last night tho and is ok with her seeing and hanging out with Lion. She's not going to leave him anyway so might as well take what she can get.

I finally got to bed at 2. Toast passed out on the couch and everyone else left. My sister and I didn't get to watch the movie, but hopefully tonight. And I promised myself to stay sober.

Well, the Lion is in town. Causing my sister's boyfriend to call my sister a whore and run around with a gun in his pocket. Yeah, the Lion and my sister used to be really great friends. Like, really great friend. And my sister's boyfriend just can't handle her loving anyone except him and the family (and even then...) No one was killed, thank God. My sister was really nervous tho. Can you blame her? Such drama. So who knows what happens next.

Kids is a sad movie. Sad as it is, I saw a couple of my old friends in those characters. Depressing. So glad I moved on.

I miss my boiz. Too-Tall, Clay, Joey, Derrick. Supposedly Clay and I (our song is on right now!*) are going to go to Chicago eventually. Yeah right. I think I need to go see them soon. Actually, Joey is always talking about coming to visit me. I think he should. Clay needs to come up too. Or we should all go to Packer Homeland. OHH how great would that be? I could see Beppo too.

* Both Clay and myself really liked the song Not Gonna Get Us By t.a.t.u. so we would freak out and run onto the dance floor when they played it at the club.

Not so much.

Last night was a chill out night. P and I watched Gummo and the beginning of I'm the One that I Want. I pass no judgement on Gummo. I'm still wondering about that movie. Poor kitties.

We went to Pekins for a bit, but that wasn't exciting at all.

So lately I've been trying to not get excited about anything. Because as soon as I do, something happens and then there is nothing to get excited about. Everything gets fucked up if I plan it or am looking forward to it. So why even try?

I do this every once in awhile. And what happens is whatever I should be excited about actually works out...but I'm not excited about it. IT SUCKS! So I'm kind of at a stand still.

Lion, my friend from CO who is moving in with my parents, was supposed to show up last night...but he didn't. Figures. His bus was delayed and he decided to hitchhike. He can never do things the simple way.

So you actually thought I was going to go on vacation? Yeah, me too. However, it didn't happen. Do you know how much that sucks? Ryan didn't meet me in JanesVegas, because of miscommunication I hope. If he just didn't feel like coming to pick me up I'm going to be pissed. Only, I prolly won't. See, now I have a ticket for whenever I want just stashed away. So I can go on vacation with who I want, when I can afford it and without having to worry about issues coming up. So in a way, I'm grateful.

Special thanks to shnoodle.

Moving on.

I had a fun time Thursday anyway. My parents took me to a town near the border of Illinois and we waited for Ryan. For an hour and 45 mins. Finally, we went to Perkins to have coffee and warm up some. I had to figure out a way to call and cancel my ticket so we went to my cousin's house and used his computer. I got all the numbers and called up Southwest. We got that figured out and we met my sister and her boyfriend back in the other town. I stayed the night over at her place. We had fun. We watched the Kid. Great movie.

Friday I spent at my sister's while she was either playing pool or working. My uncle picked me up and took me back home. He was visiting my parents anyway.

P had a friend from work over. Umm, I can never remember his name so lets call him Guy. Guy and P went and got a case of Miller and I borrowed Finding Nemo from my parents. Instead of drinking tho, we smoked and it was fun.

Saturday - I was so bored most of the day. I burned some cds and that's about it. Until night time. P got done with work and we hung out. Grover and C showed up around 7. We put in Return of the Jedi and I really meant to watch it, but instead fell asleep eventually. When C left I woke up and P, Grover and I went over to JQ's again for another "party". Pretty much the same people. Just listening to music and watching Monty Python's Meaning of Life. Um, yeah. I fell asleep during it for a couple of minutes. Oh and everyone (except Grover - he doesn't drink) had their own bottle of Boones Farm. Did you know that right on the label it says that it's flavored beer? I didn't, until Saturday.

When Grover, P and I went back to my apartment, we tried to watch Animatrix. I fell asleep, again, so I went to bed.

Sunday - C and Em showed up and Grover left. P dressed me up in her BDUs (full army gear) and I posed for pictures. See, P has to teach a class for her Guard unit and wanted pictures to demonstrate what she meant. I got to do fun things like hide in bushes and have a stick poking my eye out. My favorite was when I tripped over the couple making out. KJ showed up in the middle of pictures. When they were all done, he tried to fix P's computer. I don't think it worked. He did get us a step closer.

So all in all, I had a fun weekend. I'm not really sad or angry I didn't go on vacation. Even tho it would have been cool to see somewhere new. Oh well. Now, P and I are talking Mardi Gras or the beach or somewhere equally cool. And since it'll be with her, it will be ten times more fun than with Ryan. And by ten times more fun, I mean a hundred times more fun.

FREAK OUT! Tonight, I'm going tonight! TO CHICAGO! And then CALIFORNIA!

I didn't know vacation was so stressful. Or hard to pack for. Anything "less than Prada" isn't allowed. Ok, so I go naked? Plus, I do not think my sense of style "sucks". I rather like dressing how I want.

Anyway. I had a dentist appointment last night. I was so incredibly high from the NOS. Usually, I just close my eyes and wish it all away. Last night, I was flying. Everything was so interesting. I really do want to watch it all someday and understand what they're doing. My mouth still hurts from the shots tho. I felt like they were giving me a tattoo on my gums.

Ok, so I leave tomorrow. TOMORROW. And it hasn't totally sunk in yet. Well, not that I'm really going. I keep imagining the worst things that could happen. Being robbed, beat up, raped, killed, etc. Anything could happen. And I imagine the bad things too about going to the clubs and looking not so good and just not fitting in or anything. Of course I have to deal with my travel partner and whatever/whoever he wants to hang out with too. Oy. I keep thinking of things I could possibly do if my travelbuddy leaves me somewhere or we fight. So far...I got nothin. Anyone in LA or somewhere around there want to be my backup plan?

Anyway. The movie last night was pretty good. It was really cool to talk to the film maker from Cuba that was there (it wasn't his film, but they're showing his next week). Oh yeah it was called Strawberries & Chocolate.

Ugh, grammar. I know it. I just don't think about it when I'm writing. Someone please tell me if I fuck up.

I miss hanging out with C. I mean, we had a blast Saturday night, Sunday night and last night. Whenever we hang out with just the two of us, I have the greatest time. Last night I watched Empire Strikes Back (poor Luke) and she watched the end of it with me. We also watched Grave of the Fireflies. Yup, it's depressing. But then we sat in front of the window with a blanket and watched the storm. Oh yeah, thunder and all that jazz. It was great.

Tonight, a Cuban film called .... well, I don't remember. But it's at the campus and C and I have decided to eat breakfast before we go. She's bringing the eggs.

P is at her parents. She didn't call me back last night (that bitch!) so I don't know when she's going to be back.

I have reason to believe my supervisor and my boss are in a relationship. The office is trying to get me to find out because I'm one of the few who they like. I couldn't do that tho, because unlike the office, I like them too. I'm staying neutral.

My project is more than halfway finished at work. I've been working on this since September. I'm so ready to be done with it.

So...I didn't get caught up in any problems this Halloween. There's always something the day after I go tho.

Ok, so C and I were supposed to go to Mad and be in my friends haunted house. Party Haunted House. 6 kegs and all that. I wasn't feeling it too much, but what the hell? Why not? To make a really long and boring story short, C said she wasn't going to drive down with me but she would me up with me later and I ended up going with Shawn and his boyfriend. I was not too pleased with C for cancelling on me, but whatever.

I had a lot of fun with Joey and Too-Tall Matt. There were other people, but those two... I just love them! Joey is so hott! He used to be pretty, but now he's got facial hair and it looks really good. Matt now has a boyfriend, a guy I know and just adore! I'm so very, very happy for him! He's not moving to Cali until March, but when he does...how sad.

There was a mini party before we went down to state street during which much Everclear was enjoyed. Well, maybe not enjoyed. We also smoked a quick one.

The drive there was crazy. I had this guy that used to be all over C, while he had a girlfriend, putting his hand on my leg. He said it wasn't like he was groping me (he had to show me what he didn't do, so he really did grab my boob). He also told me to kiss him (which I didn't do) and was talking all sorts of stuff. I just tried to keep my attention on Matt who was laughing so hard at all the costumes. Especially the Lego Man. In fact, most of my night was holding Matt up because he was laughing so hard at everything. Or protecting him from the scary costumes/masks. We had to stand around a lot waiting for people.

It was a fun time. My costume was my normal clothes with a "Hello my name is: Innocent Victim" name tag (my "real" costume would have been way too cold and besides this was almost clever). My "hottness" was compared to a plate of neck tenderloins because "they're the best part to eat". Ummm, I'm still trying to decided if that was a good compliment or not. The night would have been better if that giant black man hadn't 'bumped' into my and 'accidently' grabbed my ass. Or if that big group of guys, lead by this one jackass who hit my ass with a rolled up paper hadn't passed by us. What? Does my butt say touch me please? The things girls have to put up with. No, the things people have to put up with.

Saturday - I slept until 3. Isn't that crazy? Once I did get up, all I did was watch Escaflowne and shower until Grover, Stephy, C and I all left to go to JQ's party. We drove a fricken hour to get there and then couldn't find it. So I called someone who knew and they said it was back in town because of rain. So we drove the hour back. They couldn't have called us?

We partied. Drank a bit. I didn't get too drunk. I didn't get drunk really at all because I was sober when we left. At 4 am. Poor Grover. He doesn't drink and he was getting really tired. He passed out on my couch and C and I slept in my bed. We stayed up talking and laughing until 6. Oops.

Sunday - We woke up at 12. Both of them left and I watched more Escaflowne. Not much happened. I went to my sister's and played Burgertime with her boyfriend, an old friend (!) I rarely see and a crusty critter (ICK! I DON'T LIKE HIM). My sister and I eventually went to my house, I showered while she watched About a Boy with Em. C came over and we watched an episode of Carebears. I slept on the couch while they talked. Finally at 11 I kicked everyone out and went to sleep.

Now for something completely different:

The guys took my lighter on Friday. My lucky lighter with the tropical scene on it.

My father's co-worker died on Saturday night.

I realized my sister is the only person I really yell at.

The pizza boy from Domino's is this guy I had a crush on all through high school. Too bad I don't really like Domino's. Man oh man, when I saw him...

P's car broke down while driving home from Drill. I have no idea where she is or what she's doing.