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Friday, April 30, 2004

A word to the wise... 

Don't eat a twister from KFC in 10 minutes if you haven't eaten in awhile. It doesn't matter if you have to go back to work, just don't do it. And Pepsi sucks. That's right, I said it.

My boss has more mood swings than a woman. And it's frusterating. Thankfully it went from a really bad mood to a "You're doing a good job" mood, instead of the other way.

So I had a family things last night. My sister from out of town was here with her boyfriend and my other sister and her boyfriend didn't work so all gathered at my parent's. Geoff called me right when I got there and I invited him over (mostly to see if he really would come). He did! So after only meeting this guy a couple of weeks ago and only going on one date with him, he's already met my family. Crazy huh?

It was a fun time tho. My mother made dinner on a campfire in the backyard and we all just chilled. My father had more than two beers and started telling stories of "drinking back in the day". We talked, we jokes, we laughed at each other when someone would get a good burn in. Geoff held his own by making some jokes at my father's expense. It really was fun.

Around 10:30, I decided I needed to be getting home so I could go to bed. I invited Geoff to come over so I could bum a cigarette. We ended up sitting on the couch and talking. But when I finally kicked him out, it took quite awhile to say goodbye. I wonder what the neighbors think of us now...Oh well.

P got home right when I got outta the shower, so we sat and talked for awhile. And we made plans for Saturday. It's going to be a roommate night. YAY!

Thursday, April 29, 2004

My first date... 

Now, with a title like you, you would think it's a flashback post to some starry night when I was young and innocent right? Well, you would be wrong.

Last night I went on my first date ever. And by first date, I mean I actually went through the night with the mind set it was a date. Not someone just paying for me to get into the movies (although I can only think of that happening once ever before). It was fun.

Ok, so Geoff and I had been text messaging most of the day again. I got off work early to go to the dentist and I figured since I had time anyway, I would go tanning. He asked if I would like to go for a walk when I was done ("sounds innocent enough huh? bwahahaha"). I said I did. So after doing all my running around, I took a shower and he came and picked me up.

Instead of a walk, we were going to go for ice cream, but the restaurant we were going to go to was closed. So we drove around for awhile and talked. And drove around and talked. And drove around and talked. Then we stopped at a state park. Ok this is cool. We sat by the lake and watched the sun dip behind trees. Cheesy huh? We walked around for awhile (getting our walk in) before we got back in the car. He suggested a movie and I said The Punisher. We still had an hour before it started so we went to McDonalds. I got ice cream! He got a happy meal, which now comes with "the Dog" toys. We named his shepard Raul.

Ok, the movie? Yeah, not so good. First off I'm getting really sick of seeing people get brutally murdered for no reason. It's time to stop going to action films. Second, I was expecting so much more! I don't know why. Man, it just wasn't good.

Anyway, during the movie he put his arm around me, he told me when it was ok to uncover my eyes and held my hand when it was really bad. And he didn't even get mad when I wouldn't shut up.

He drove me home after the movie. He kissed me goodnight and said he'd call.

That was a lot of fun.

Now. One problem. I'm not sure I like Geoff like that. And sure I could date him and figure it out, but I hate that cause I feel like I would be leading him on. So. What's a girl to do?

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

For your eyes only 

So. Last night didn't happen as planned. That's ok, I didn't expect it to. Maybe that's why it didn't...oh well.

Yesterday Geoff kept me amused at work by sending text messages. Entertaining.

When I was done with work, I busted my ass to get home and take care of some chores. My father called and asked if I'd like to come for dinner really quick. I didn't, but he was alone and I haven't hung out with him in a long time...so I went. He fed me wonderful breakfast food...yum. I was late to my guitar lesson too.

Grover was supposed to hang out, but I guess he sensed the lack of enthusium on this end. It's not that I didn't want to hang out with Grover, cause I love hanging out with him. But I didn't want to be around anyone.

That didn't work well, cause P and I hung out. We smoked and watched 24. Wow. Thank you Calc for letting me borrow it. I've only seen the first 4 hours of the day and it's just so intense! So yeah.

That's all I did last night. And I'm freaking tired today. I don't get it.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Good Jesus have I missed this here. Maybe I wouldn't be so fucked up in the head if I had been writing.

Thursday - I took a nap as soon as I got home until I woke up and went tanning. Then I hung out with my roommate. We were having a great time, she cooked me dinner and we watched Wisconsin Death Trip. But Stan came over and so I went to my room after the movie was done.

I like Stan. Really, he's a cool guy. But I didn't want him there that night. When P and I were hanging out she mentioned she missed hanging out with me, but then she has her boyfriend over anyway? Whatever.

Friday - I went to Madtown for work and hung out there most of the day. Then I met P, we went for dinner with my boss and supervisor and had a fun time. Grover met us there and off we went to play hack. Serious fun time had. We went to this 'park' down beneath a bridge that P used to live by. We used to walk down there in the dark and be really scared (cause it wasn't the safest place...) After, we went and saw Man on Fire. What a great freaking movie.

P had to go home and sleep, so Grover and I went to Per?kins. There were some cool people. MasterB and some other people I haven't mention but really need to.

Ok, there is Geoff. He runs the local card game drafts and whatnot. He's freaking hilarious, high energy and does a decent Arnold impression. Before this weekend, I didn't really talk much to him.

And then there is RedHot. She is KJ's roommate and a really cool chicka. She's mucho funno.

Anyway, they were there. So after MasterB left and stole all the energy with him, the four of us (Grover, Geoff, RedHot and myself) were trying to figure out something to do. Not much came to mind, except quarters. We figured 'what the hell, it's two in the morning what else is there to do?' and went to play quarters. Grover decided not to go (he doesn't drink).

Wow. I got drunk really fast. Did I mention that Geoff is really good at quarters? Oh yeah, he failed to mention that too. After awhile, the two of them started talking a bit about KJ. I wasn't following really well cause they discussed people and situations that I didn't know about (also I was drunk). RedHot also talked a bit about something she is going through. It was really strange, but kind of cool to talk to these people drunk...cause I don't know them, so I didn't really talk about myself much, but it's neat how new people don't know anything about you. If that makes any sense.

Ok, so it's seven in the morning, I've managed to sober up some. I don't know how the other two are doing. RedHot goes outside to smoke a cigarette. Geoff starts combing his fingers through my hair and rubbing my back some. I don't remember all that was said but it went along the lines of:

I asked him why?
He replied why what? Why am I doing this? Why are we sitting here? Why is the earth round?
I said Why anything?
He answered I don't know. Maybe it's your personality. Maybe it's the look behind your eyes. Maybe I'm drunk.

Well alright. But this is not something I can handle right now with no sleep, massive emotional stress from other things going on and still a bit buzzed. So I left.

When I got home P was getting ready for work. She had to leave so I didn't get to talk much. That's ok, I wasn't making much sense anyway. I was just so depressed.

Saturday - I slept until 3. P woke me up I think. KJ came over. We smoked. And watched Family Guy. And then we went and smoked again. Maybe not the brightest idea. We talked intensely. Serious things were said. Something major is going on with KJ and I wish I could help him, but I just don't know what's going on. All I know is he is an awesome kid and I really hope things work out.

Finally, I got all ready and we left. I needed to get out of the house in the worst way. We couldn't really decide what to do. He wanted to go to his friend's party and I wanted to go to Per?kins. (In hindsight, not the best idea). I kept getting text messages from people wanting to see me. But it kept making me feel really bad.

We smoked on the way to 'Kins (once again, not the brightest idea). We sat with MasterB, SuperStar, J, RedHot and Geoff. It was all fine and dandy until I saw E. (Remember that fucker? Well, go back a year around Valentine's Day especially if you care.) He pulled me aside. Here, let me describe this conversation to you:

E: *holding out his hand*
me: *not reaching out to take it*
E: It's a handshake, Kelly.
me: I know what it is E. *starting to shake because of the intense dislike and horribly strong bad feelings he brings up everytime I see him*
E: *long drawn out sigh* well, I understand that. I just wanted to .... blah blah blah blah...[basically he was blaming his problems on the accident and that he's going through a lot of emotional stuff because of that and he wants me to forgive him and be friends]... I just hope that you can find a place in you heart to leave open for the chance that we might have the friendship we once had.
me: I don't think I can do that.
E: [tearing up] Well, I can respect that. I guess I see you around.

I retreated back to my table and bummed a cigarette from Geoff. He noticed I was shaking but thankfully didn't make a big deal outta it. KJ asked if we could leave, but everyone we were by wanted to come up with ideas of things to do together. We ended up watching Family Guy at RedHot's and KJ's. I passed out on the couch between RedHot and Geoff.

Sunday - When I woke up, I was alone on the couch and J was on the floor. It was also 10 in the morning. I knew J would give me a ride home if I asked him, but I really didn't want to ask him. I feel bad everytime he does something for me. But I needed to be home, and KJ was talking with him roommate. I suspect it was over serious matters too.

I, myself, was thinking deeply about many things going on. I just wanted to be somewhere else.

I got home. P and Stan were showering, I didn't want to be there either, so I went to my parent's. My mom was there, she asked if I smoked cigarettes. I said no. yes. sorta, on occasion. She knew I wasn't in the greatest of moods and didn't say much (well, my mom is always talking so...nothing serious). She tried to make plans for the weekend, but I might have to be at work. Sucky. She went to to work and I read for a bit in the basement where it was dark and cold. Eventually I gave up on that, went hom and went to sleep. From 1 until 7:30. I kept trying to wake up, but I couldn't.

When I finally did get up, I just moved to the couch and watched 24 (a friend lent me the first season on dvd and it's pretty freaking cool so far). I realized after the first episode that I hadn't eaten anything since 7:00 the night before. I wasn't hungry tho. So popcorn. I couldn't eat it tho. Seriously, I felt (and feel) like crapola.

Grover called and came over. I took a shower and we went over to Tech's. He sparked one, I can't say no. We went to 'Kins. People were there, including RedHot, MasterB, Geoff and various other characters. Em and her boytoy showed up and we played hack. We went in and sat for awhile. And then Tech was all about a round two.

So Grover, Tech and myself went back to Tech's. While standing in his garage, I started to feel really bad. Like I was swaying. They didn't notice, but finally I'm like, I need to go guys. Walking out to the car, Grover asked me three times if I was ok because I couldn't walk straight. I said I was, but I was lying. I was far from ok. But I didn't want to worry him at all and felt like if I made it to the car it would be ok. It was ok for the most part. I still felt like I was going to pass out, but didn't. Grover stopped at MickyD's for me. So when I got home I ate a cheeseburger really, really slow.

Geoff sent me some text messages before I fell asleep. That was fun.

Monday - I went to Madtown for work. That was pretty cool. Geoff sent me text messages. He was having lunch with his son (the first I've heard about him) and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out that night. I told him I had to go shopping with Lion. He asked if that meant a rain check or "please don't ask me again". I told him rain check.

I went shopping with Lion and got a ton of shit. We also talked to the hottest amish guy. Jeeze, and he was so nice too! Surprise.

I tried to talk to P. But I just felt like she wasn't listening and didn't care. So I quit. I just wasn't feeling it.

I went over to Tech's. We smoked and talked and watched tv. I got to see one of the early Band of Brother's. That is such a cool show.

That's all really. I'm kind of sick of being not happy. People keep asking me if I'm ok. But I will be. I always am. Just give it time.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Smoking, dentist, boys, friends and privacy 

Tuesday, not much happened. On purpose. After my guitar lesson I stuck around and played a few, trying to get a feel for what I want. I found one I really like. It's black and beautiful and an electric/acoustic. Which I don't really need, but I like it! It's only $400. I'll just whip that out my back pocket...

I went over to my sister's and sat with her. Her boyfriend and his friends were staring blankly at the tv while she made cookies. My buddy I used to work with at Har•dees was there, that was coo. Mostly tho, I just talked with my sister. I was in the smoking room for a little while of course, but didn't partake too much. That didn't matter tho, the room was so full of smoke you could barely see across the room. Ok, that's an exaggeration, but not by much.

So I went to the dentist to get my root canal yesterday? Well, this guy decided that it's a mix of my congested sinuses and my wisedom teeth that is causing the pain. So he told me to take sinus stuff and make an appointment at the oral surgery center. And if there is still problems, we'll do the root canal later. Cause it's that freaking easy for me to pay thousands of dollars several times a year. I fucking hate my teeth.

Anyway.

Remember Spike? Back in December and January? I kind of had a mini-crush on him, sorta kinda in a way? Well, outta no where he sent me a text message yesterday. I don't know how interesting this is but here:

[some phone number]: Hi
Me: Hi. Who are you?
[some phone number]: Spike, duh
Me: Spike who I haven't talked to in months? From [some town]? Who was always supposed to call? Oh, duh! Wassup?
Spike: Yah cuz back with bitch
Me: You still said you'd come by and hang out
Spike: She won't let me
Me: Oh. Well then . . .
Spike: Did you even know I like you?
Me: Nope. (LIES! I totally knew) Did you know I kinda like you?
Spike: You sent signs (I flirt with everyone!)
Me: I know. But the whole D thing (and the fact that he was sleeping with her!) and other crap that was going on, eh.
Spike: That went no where. I still got an eye for you though.
Me: How come? Aren't you back with your girl? (boys are dumb)
Spike: I'm leaving her again.
Me: Oh I see.
Spike: Still want me?
Me: Lining people up? I dunno. I haven't hung out with you in awhile
Spike: I'm still me.
Me: Yeah, but what if I changed? Everyone does
Spike: Are you still cute and sweet?
Me: Of course
Spike: Then I still like you.
Me: Well, I guess we'll have to hang out sometime (oh jeeze, I accidently hit send too soon cause I was going to add something smartass like, but instead only sound like a freaking 3hore)
Spike: I'll see what I can do

So. Yeah. I don't know. He really is an awesome guy to hang out with, but as far as relationships go. I've heard some rumors, just rumors, but still. They aren't good ones. As far as anything else...I guess we'll see.

So I went to perk-ins last night. Had a lovely time. I was just in a really great mood and had a blast. I sat with MasterB and another regular for awhile, just shooting the shit. I actually pulled MasterB aside to ask about Spike. That might not have been a great idea cause he tends to talk a lot... Oh well, I don't care that much.

KJ was there. I sat with him for awhile. He was running the game the gamers play. I don't know. But it's cool as hell, they have a computer program to regulate the whole thing. Neato I'd say. But we talked a bit.

It was just a lot of fun. I got to see and hug a lot of people and I'm ok with that. Share the love! I saw people I haven't seen in months! And then I had to leave at 12:30. Sucky. Waking up sucked.

This whole privacy thing is kind of getting to me. It started because of the info Tech shared with me because he learned it off Koko's blog and because I'm paranoid... I don't talk about this a lot. For the longest time I feared that people would find this here blog. But ya know, it doesn't matter (at the moment anyway). I just get scared people will judge and get pissed off at me. Oh well. I still don't want my mom to see anything on here (I'm supposed to be the good child, I'd break her heart!) and I'm still not giving the addy away, but if someone finds it...Man, I still don't know. I just wish they would tell me I guess. Then we'll take it from there.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Happy, Happy Day 

Man, a lot has happened. But not much at all. It's just bad things always seem like more than good things. Ya dig?

Good things that have happened in the last couple of days:
I got to go to the dentist (they worked me in 3 days early!)
I'm signed up for gmail (never have to delete ever!)
It's 4/20 (do I really need to say more?)

Bad things that have happened:
I found out I have to have a root canal (tomorrow)
I received many, many bills (already over $700 for the month not including rent and the upcoming dental bill)
I've been super-hella busy at work (inSANELY busy, but it will all be over in a month or so)
I learned a few interesting facts about C and they way she is using her decision making skills (I'm so very disappointed in her, but it's her life, if she wants to have a higher chance of fucking it up...god it just pisses me off...but who am I to judge? She doesn't really consider me a close friend anymore and so I don't feel I have the right to tell her I think she's fucking up. Why drive her further?)

I'm confused on the whole issue so have been trying not to think about it too much. When I tell P, cause I have to tell P, cause I tell P everything, I might sort it out more in my mind.

Moving on.

Last night was fun. Quiet, but fun. I was at my parent's for awhile. Then played xbox and listened to music at home. Rather relaxing.

Tech came over later. Like 9:30ish maybe? By that time I was watching Animatrix with Stan and P. I've seen it enough I wasn't against walking away to smoke a bowl. Tech didn't seem to mind either.

I like smoking with Tech. Considering we're practically strangers, it's fun getting to know him. My favoritest thing in the world is to understand people, to try and find out why they act the way they do. So new people are awesome.

Happy four-twenty y'all! Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Super badass weekend in which I have a lot of fun by not doing anything 

I have a toothache. Still. It's gotten worse. That sucks a lot. But because of work, I can't go to the dentist until Thursday. So until then, it's don't eat any sugar ANYTHING, take lots of extra-strength tylenol and rub the Anbesol® like it's no one's business. Recommended four times a day? HA!

So let me tell you about this weekend. Cause it was a most awesome time. New people were met, much fun was had and many words were spoken.

Friday – After work, I picked up my laundry and started packing. That didn’t really take too long. But I couldn’t get a hold of Jaybean. So I sent superDave a message and asked if he would meet me if Jaybean didn’t. Well, Jaybean called from superDave’s phone. So I was off.

I hate driving. I hate driving even more if I’m alone. And I was driving alone for 4 hours. Thankfully I had a book on cd, Blood Canticle. I’ve never really tried to listen to one before and it was an interesting time.

Once I got to the town, I called Jaybean and he met me at Kwik Trip. We went back to his house and just chilled with a friend of his. Jaybean’s girlfriend, Angel, wasn’t there cause they had gotten into a fight earlier. She showed up pissed off like no one was ever pissed off before. So we just watched tv and went to sleep.

Saturday – Jaybean and Angel both worked from 10:30 until 7, so I chilled by myself. I ended up sleeping a lot, walking around town and watching NickToons. Fucking yay for Rocko’s Modern Life and Ahhh! Real Monsters.

When they got back all was well and we went over to superDave’s. That was the most fun…wow. I don’t really think it’s a secret that I’ve had a crush on superDave since the first time I met him (but he’s got a girlfriend and she’s from Ecuador! How could I compete?). But it’s so fun over there cause superDave pretty much has ADD and his mind works so fast that you could be talking about something and thirty seconds later something completely different… all the time. He notices little things and makes them funny. Not many people can keep up with his train of thought, I can usually do it, but making the effort is just a lot of fun.

It started out we were just shooting the shit about movies, books, games, nothing in particular, watching comedy central and smoking a bowl. I noticed a lain sticker on superDave’s tv and asked him about it. So the group started talking about anime and he pulled out his collection. We talked about anime for a while and superDave picked out one to watch. George Carlin was on so we waited to watch just a bit of that. Then Pluck picked up one of superDave’s guitar. He started playing and asked superDave a question. So superDave hooked up his electric guitar and was messing around a little bit. George Carlin was turned off and they played a couple of songs. SuperDave sang and it was just so freaking cool. I can’t wait until he’s famous, cause he’s totally going to be. They ended that and superDave turned the anime on. We didn’t really watch it too closely, mostly we all just sat and talked.

Sunday – I was awake around 9:30. Jaybean had to work, so Angel and I went to Hardee’s. Yum. Then we went over to see Jaybean at work. He told us to go over to superDave’s and say goodbye. I was all for it. We stopped to get gas and I got to meet some people that I had heard about. Sketch and Khewy. While talking to them Angel just blurts out “by the way Kel, Sketch is single so if you want, you guys should talk and see if you hit it off”. He kind of blushed and remarked how tactful that was of her. But when we said goodbye, Sketch pulled Angel aside and said he really wanted to get to know me better.

Angel and I went over to superDave’s, he and Pluck were playing Magic. We all talked for awhile. Then we needed to drop off cigarettes, so Angel and I went to see Jaybean at work again. I said goodbye to him and we went back to superDave’s. We smoked a bit and talked more. Pluck and superDave started talking about guitar stuff so I asked a couple of questions. All the sudden I have a $2,000 guitar in my hands, they’re both right next to me and showing me some cool stuff to practice. SuperDave gave me huge freaking folder of tab that he used when he learned to play. Plus this really neat chart that they made. So yay. I’m really going to have to practice now.

I had to take off and Angel needed to go to work, so we said our goodbyes. I dropped Angel off and away I went.

Honestly, it wasn't what I was expecting. But then I realized, it was what I wanted. Just a nice chilled out weekend with friends that I don't really get to see. I could totally see myself up there once a month or something. I mean, what else have I got going on?

Friday, April 16, 2004

It's freaking beautiful out 

And there is a cute boy in here. Yay. Let's hope he's hired, huh?

Ok, so I have some major toothache action going on. It was so bad last night I couldn't sleep. I actually got out of bed at 1 in the morning to visit the local Wally World and purchased the lovely gel known as Anbesol®. A God send. Really.

Last night I hung out with my da. I love hanging out him. Dinner was ready when I went over there. We played two games of King's Corner and I actually won one. Then we watched Band of Brothers on the History Channel and he explained why the men were shooting at each other. It's actually a really interesting show and has interviews with actual WWII survivors.

Afterwards, I went home and prepared for a smoking night. Tech came over around 10:30. We talked a lot, about a lot of things. Don't ask me what cause I don't remember. But it was entertaining.

Tonight, I'm supposed to be taking my trip up north, but my Jaybean hasn't called me back. I need to talk to him before I leave or I'm stuck up there with nothing. Not really, I could always call SuperDave. At least I hope I could call him. So cross your fingers for me that I get to go. Cause I'm really excited. I've never gotten to go on a long distance trip alone. And when I say "gotten to", I mean I made sure I never went alone. But now I'm looking forward to it. I'm hoping it will completly remove me from the situations I'm in right now and give me a chance to look at things from a different point of view. Cause I'm struggling.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

I found a kiss waiting for me. 

A hersey kiss. Just sitting on my desk for me.

I have a song in my head and it just won’t go away. But I’m ok with that. It’s Until the Day I Die by Story of the Year. Awesome band for the most part. Prolly not going to change the way the world hears music, but a good band anyway.

So last night, after I got home from work and was sitting on my bed thinking about how I wasn’t bored, but not exactly entertained, Lion called. (Holy run-on sentence Batman!) He wanted to play tennis. Can I just scream yay please? Cause that’s how I really feel.. I haven’t played tennis since gym senior year in high school. Years. And it’s so much fun!

We played a couple of games. Both of us forgot how to keep score so we made something up and it seemed to work. I still have an awesome serve so fucking yay me.

Lion told me something yesterday that no one has ever told me before (at least not with such detail). I starred in a wet dream of his. Aw jeeze. He told me all of it too. Although I’m not sure when I became a cowgirl in his eyes.

I spent the rest of the night with P, taking care of her pretty much. She’s sick again. Like I thought she was going to die with the way she was coughing. We did finally managed to replant the sprouts though.

This morning I woke up and kept thinking it was Wednesday. Every time I reminded myself it was Thursday I smiled. That put me in an excellent mood. Tomorrow. That’s right, tomorrow I’m going up north. I hope and pray anyway. I have this thing about me that nothing I plan ever works, so good luck to me.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Something close to a day off 

I'm off to Madtown today. Another two hours at least in Barnes and Noble. So no real post today. But if you were the person who got here by searching for [insert friend's name] and an anime I've watched... I pray you weren't looking for me.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

I wanna go to Hawaii YAAAAAYYYY! 

Good morning. (I tried to just type and not say "Good Morning" or "Hello" or anything that is like a greeting cause it's kind of pointless, but it just feels so cold if I do it that way.)

Today I’m listening to the Cure. It’s part of Tech’s plan to “culture” me. I’m cultured. Just not in music. Well, not standard anyway. What? I didn’t grow up in a music loving family. So Tech’s going to let me borrow cds, or burn them for me or something. Just so I can listen to some other bands that I don’t really know…

Last night wasn’t so bad. I hate grocery shopping. But it was kind of ok last night. I was almost peppy. We picked up some soil and a planting pot for some sprouts. How cute! Tonight we’re replanting. All because C gave us spider plants for xmas.

So Tech came over last night. We hung out, mostly talking about music and whatnot. It was fun. He’s a pretty cool guy. He and Grover are coming over tonight. Yay!

Oh hey, I picked up the new Blink-182 cd. I know, pop-punk crap in your opinion right? Well, I like it a lot. It’s darker than the previous cds AND has one of the most interesting songs I’ve heard recently. Of course it involves Robert Smith of the Cure (which is why Tech is making me listen to their “real” music). But a pretty cool cd in general.

Oh well, it’s nine o’clock. Time for some more work!

Monday, April 12, 2004

Anime, Star Wars and Baseball 

What a long and eventful weekend...mostly fun too!

Thursday - Was a long drawn out day at work. But afterwards was mucho funno. After tanning, going out for coffee and entertaining a few guests, P and I sat down, smoked and watched Escaflowne. Well, the first disk and half of the second.

Friday - After waking up and everything, P and I sat down and watched more Escaflowne. We have two dvd players. One doesn't play every kind of dvd, and the other one overheats and skips a lot. So when they both crapped out on us yesterday, I went to the store and got an xbox dvd remote. It was a desperate situation.

Friday night, Stan and his friend Sunny (the really quiet one who P and Stan were trying to set me up with) were suppposed to come over. But they didn't. So I called Tech, cause he had called me earlier, and went over to his house. Grover was there. We watched awesome cartoons and played with Tech's child. Once Tech's wife got home, Grover, Tech and I went to Denny's. I faded. I was so tired and my brain was gone. It was a fun night tho. I think Tech really likes hanging out with me. YAY!

Saturday - I went to Madtown with Grover. Just a quick run there and back really. But it was fun. We stopped at my apartment when we got back into town and I got to see my roommate.

Grover and I went out to Tech's again. Tech and I smoked and then all of us watched cartoons. And by cartoons I mean Teen Titans and Star Wars: Clone Wars. I'm totally getting Star Wars on dvd when it's out. It's hott.

My sister called and bitched at me about how I was going to miss Easter Sunday with the fam. Then she went on about how I never spend any time with her. The only freaking time she has off work, I'm busy. So I left Tech's, even tho we had planned this out in advance (and it was so much fun), and went to my sister's. Where she continued to bitch at me for awhile. Oh oh! And the worst part is, she yells and me for smoking, but then last night she suggested it just so she could get her boyfriend to watch Carebears in Wonderland. I just hate how she complains so much and then doesn't have the freaking backbone to stand up for herself.

Sunday - I was up at 8:50...that really sucked. Especially since I didn't need to be up until 10 pretty much. MasterB and Calc (his friend who has an awesome car, great gadgets, but is a really big dork and not in a good way) showed up at 10:30. Off to Miller Stadium.

I totally called the Grand Slam hit by the Astros Berkman. Cause MasterB was talking about how it was ok that Davis walked Hildago cause he has something like a .500 BA. And I just mentioned how ironic it would be if Berkman (who has like a .200 BA) hit a grandslam. And then he did. MasterB wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the inning.

It was a fun game to watch tho. I was really hoping they could rally in the 9th, but no such luck.

So when I got home last night. I did nothing. I took a shower, P and I hung out and then I went to bed.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

If you wanna stand up, stand up 

Last night I was supposed to go to this party right? Well, when it finally became time to go, I just didn't want to. So I didn't.

I was feeling like I really wanted to talk last night. There were a couple of people I could call, but I ended up making plans with MasterB. This guy rocks. He's my exboyfriend's roommate and a really great person to talk to. But last night I made him promise he would talk to me and not play carstrategytage games or read. He so nice that he agreed.

I met him out at Perkins, I was late cause I drove sloewwww (Deer paranoia). Once there, I sat down and we got to talk for about 15 minutes. Not even. But people kept coming over. There were a bunch of people playing Magic (cause that's what happens Wednesday night at Perkins) and I knew a bunch of them. So did MasterB. But even tho I didn't get to talk my way thru things, I had a really great evening. MasterB and I debated on the war, the president and everything that goes with that. Prolly my first ever. All in all, a great time.

Too often I forget that I have friends who enjoy my company.

At the end of the night (for me anyway, at 1:30) I went to get into my car and I couldn't find my keys. They weren't in my car (which was locked because it always is) and they weren't in my purse, the booth we sat in, the parking lot or the floor. I was really close to freaking out cause I don't have a spare key at all. Thankfully, a friend said he would help me look if I gave him a ride home. And then he found them! On the counter, by the register. Dunno what the heck they were doing there.

But this friend I drove home, once a couple of Halloweens ago, I made out with him. I had a huge crush on him before that, a huge crush on him after that and then when he ignored me for a couple of days, I was crushed. But because we worked together, went to school together and hung out, I got over it. And kicked his ass, but that's another story.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Right now I hate my job with a passion unnaturally devoted to hating my job 

What a waste of a night. What a fun waste of a night. It was a beautiful day yesterday that was made even better because I got to wear a pink shirt. I love pink.

P was home when I got there. We had talked at noon about what was going on that night. By the way, she finally got a celly! How exciting! We went through, cleaned and split up some stuff, giggled, got a movie ready and waited for Shawn and Grover to show up.

Shawn was there first. He came bearing presents. We all ordered Chinese food and smoked while we waited.

Grover showed up and we watched American Splendor. It was a cool movie. The characters were really interesting, the story was unique and I liked how they pulled the comic-style boxes and writing on the screen. Neat.

We took a little smoke/cigarette/hack break. Hack was cool as hell last night. Shawn, Grover and I did really well. We must have had like 4 hacks. And some really neat tricks pulled too.

Back inside, P put on High Strung and called us in. That movie was so freaking funny. Oh my gosh. The whole Jim Carrey as Death thing tho… a little lame. But in general, funny, funny movie. Seriously, watch it.

I gave Grover his birthday present. He really seemed to like it. I don’t know if I told ya’ll this or not, but a month ago or something we spent three hours on the phone and went through this book I have All About Me. He really seemed interested, so I picked it up for him. No biggie, right? I thought the kid was going to cry! That was pretty cool.

Well, shit. I gotta go. Who cares if it’s Jelly Bellys or jelly bellies. Generic, gourmet…it’s all the same.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

I blame Matt Stone and Trey Parker 

For my latest obsession with the words "c0ck", "howdy" and "shpadoinkle".

Friday – My sister was still in town and she showed up at my house with my mother. She (my sister) pulls out a bowl and starts packing it. In front of my mother. She asks if she can smoke in the bathroom with the steam and fan on. I told her to just go in the other room. So my mother now knows about the zhen room. Oh well.

My family went out to the bar. It was ok. I mean, what used to be my territory is quickly becoming another biker bar. Another one. So it’s not really ok at all. Mix quit and Diablo was fired. Blain is still there, but he still barely talks to me.

My sister wanted to go to a bar in a town nearby that is supposedly a kickin place. Now, Wisconsin Law states that a minor can be in a bar drinking as long as their parents/guardian is with them. But some bars require all their patrons to be of age. That bar we went to was one of them. Then the next bar we went to was one of them too. I guess I understand, but still…fuckers. My parents and sister had already gotten drinks. P and Stan were on the way, so I asked if they would meet me outside and take me to Perkins. They did. I chilled out with MasterB and some new guy.

While I was there, I decided to try and call my buddy up north. Ya know, my “brother” who I miss more than I knew. He actually answered and I asked if I could come visit. So I’m totally going north in a couple of weeks. Can’t wait.

Saturday – I woke up at 12. So unlike me. I went over to my parents and said goodbye to my sister. She’s such a cutie. But I am so glad I don’t live with her.

I went back home and packed. P and I went northish to her hometown. We watched her brother-in-law’s play. He did a really awesome job, but not many other people did.

We went over to one of her friend’s house and I got to smoke my first pink jay that I rolled all by myself. I’m so proud!

Sunday – Neither P nor myself were feeling well. We finished up laundry and tried to get home as fast as possible (we woke up at 11 and left at 5:30). But we had to stop at Tech’s. I met some new people, pretty cool. Some of us smoked. They gamed. P and I made up a card game, but it was dumb. So we quit. We were going to play war, but instead decided to play with the child. She’s sooo cute! Most of the night was spent inside with the kid, Tech and Tech’s friend from Chicago. He’s a cutie. Would not mind meeting him again.

Yesterday I went to Madtown on business. I had to avoid the whole left wing of the mall because I didn’t want to run into that phone guy who I haven’t called or text messaged back. Oh well. I spent a lot of money anyway. It was great. I got a pink shirt (pink rocks!), Crank Yankers Volume 2. Then when I got home, there was the shirt I had ordered and EscaFlowne. So a wonderful materialistic day for me!

Monday, April 05, 2004

:) 

I just couldn't stand to see you so unhappy. Thank you for not getting p-o-ed about what I had to say. Cause it is just my opinion and it is your life.
And as far as our friend; if you're not feelin' it, you're not feelin' it. I've been there myself, so I get it and I won't bug you about it anymore.

CHEERIOS! CHEERIOS, DA'LING!!

Sunday, April 04, 2004

In reply 

Cody, the thing is...I have to talk to him in order for me to tell him the big ol' "f-word off". But because he doesn't have a phone, I don't know where he lives and I don't call people at work, I can't tell him anything. Plus, he was more than just a cute guy and my valentine. But fuck it. I haven't talked to him in a week and a half and that is just too much my friend.

And the very good friend you speak of. Just a friend. Love him to death, seriously, to death, but just a friend. I wish I could feel more. Honestly, things would be so much better if it were like that, but you can't choose things like that.

Friday, April 02, 2004

*insert hug here* 

I can't do it any more. I tried and tried to keep my nosey nose out of your business, but I can't do it anymore! I know you're a big girl and you can make your own decisions, but everyone needs a kick in the rear sometimes.
Keol, meet my right shoe:
Drummer Boy is a waste of your valuable time. He's putting no effort what so ever into this "relationship". So he's cute. So he was your valentine. He's making you miserable!!!! No human being is worth that! I'm not saying cut him off completely. I want you to be a bitch and tell him how it is. You have every right to tell him to either straighten up or go away. You've got better things to do than sit around facing your phone and then facing disappointment. If he really cares about you like you care about him he'll see your hurting and do something to change it. If he doesn't, cut him lose. There are better men out there for you and you're very good friends with one of them. You know who I'm talking about.
You're a good person and you have every right to be happy. I just hate seeing Drummer Boy ruin you like this.
Take a deep breath and say "FUCK YOU!!!"

*sigh* 

Living in the now doesn't work either. I spend too much time pretending that I'm not waiting for the phone to ring.

All last night was spent with my thoughts on my phone while pretending to not care. Of course, that didn't work too well when every time the thing rang I jumped to answer it. Even during A Walk to Remember which I was watching with my entire family.

About being with Drummer Boy...what I have got to lose? Well, I've thought about this. In fact, one of the reasons I jumped into this "relationship" is because I asked myself what it would hurt?

I could lose my trust in people. And it could hurt me.

I asked P to not have Stan over last night. I like the guy, he's cool shit. But I just wouldn't be able to sleep. Or think. Or be happy in any way, shape or form if I saw them together. Which sucks.

We talked about it last night, after I put my pothead resources to use scraping my pipe, tapping my oney box and pushing resin out the mini-pipe. The usual therapy. We were having an ok time talking about whatever. And then...

Me: I'm sorry I asked you to not have Stan over tonight.
P: Oh, it's ok. I know he's over here a lot lately.
Me: It's not that, I like him. He's a cool guy. But I couldn't handle seeing you guys together tonight.
P: Yeah...I've noticed you get ...
Me: It's not all bitterness and jealousy. Honestly, I only feel that towards you guys once in awhile. Mostly it's just regret and longing that I could have something like that. I hate it. I hate that I'm feeling like this. I hate getting sad. I don't want to be like this. I want to be able to listen to you talk about Stan or see you with Stan and not get sad. Cause I'm really happy for you. I'm just...[cue tears and mini-breakdown].

Thinking about it, relationships can totally fuck a person up. Thank you and good night.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Dealing with the now 

Oh yeah, that's why I don't often look forward to stuff...It doesn't happen.

So if I can't look forward and what's already happened sucks, what's a girl to do? Suffer in silence while examining the present all around trying to figure out what exactly is going on? Sounds about right.

All I want is to know. I want to know why I feel like shit, I want to know if Drummer Boy is a good guy, I want to know if it's worth the extra effort I put into it (and yet receive nothing back).

But of course, I have no answers to my questions (that I have at the present time) because Drummer Boy hasn't called in the last week (but that's the past and we're not acknowledging that yet).

I just feel incredibly let down by everyone. Last night sucked and no one, not a soul was there for me.

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