meet me in outerspace

What a rainy weekend (really, last couple of weeks). And I love the rain, but can it just fucking stop now please?

I'm so glad I didn't work my day job on Friday. My family all went fishing and it rocked. My dad and I got into a mini-fight, but that was resolved easliy enough.

I worked from 6pm until 12:30am. We weren't really that busy (I was so bored!), but it was steady enough that we didn't close.

Saturday I woke up early and went to my doctor appointment. It went ok. Still don't know what's up but I'm not going to die.

Afterwards, I went and visited Spaz at work. He was bored and felt like going for a cruise. So after arguing for a couple of minutes, I agreed. Then I went to work (1:00pm). Wee. It didn't go so bad at all. I got done at 12:30 again.

Sunday morning Tech called me up to see if I wanted to hang out for a bit. One of his friends from Chitown was up and he's cool as hell (not to mention a cutie). I'd met him once before too and really hope he comes up more often. We sat and watched tv for awhile. Then went in the other room and smoked. Yeah, wow. Then I went to work again! I'm sick of it already (not the job, just not being able to chill). I worked from 12:45 until 10:30.

So much work. I don't mind that much, cause I really like my 2nd job so far. I just really miss being able to do nothing. It's only been a week since I started and I already feel like every available second counts. Like, if I'm not working I feel like I need to clean or do laundry or watch these movies because they have to go back. I don't get to enjoy anything really cause it's all so packed in there.

Enough tho.

Today is such a slow day. I have nothing to do. But I did kill my work computer so at least I accomplished something. Yeah, some virus got downloaded onto it somehow. Ummm, I'll not say much more about that cause I have no idea how it happened. But thank goodness I'm getting a new computer anyway.

I work again tonight. I really hope my schedule gets a little easier. When we were discussing my schedule before I started, I asked if I could have Sundays and every other Saturday off...I really hope that happens. I wouldn't mind being asked to come in every once in awhile, but I don't want it to be expected. That wouldn't be fun.

Happy three o'clock

And I've had two cups of coffee. Holy caffine, I haven't seen you in awhile.

Some people really want gmail. If you have it, check this out: gmail swap.

So I worked at the shop yesterday. I made two drinks and spent the next two hours sitting with the boss and a coworker eating ice cream and talking. And I'm getting paid? She thinks I know enough that I can pick up the rest as I go...She's got faith. I'll make it up this weekend when I'm getting my ass kicked by orders.

Ya know something funny? My boss at my day job and then my boss at the shop are almost best friends. So I'm fucked if I screw up somewhere cause the one will hold a grudge for the other one.

All day today I've been listening to A Crow Left of the Murder. It took me a really long time to get into this cd, but I think it's got me now. I think Smile Lines is prolly my favorite. Chigity-check it out.

There is one song of Alice in Chains stuck in my head. I don't know how it goes really, but I have an idea. And that idea is on repeat. I'm blaming Tech. Pearl Jam has also been stuck in my head, Damn you Spaz. So I'm prolly going to be listening to them later...just so you know.

So. My apartment was full of people last night. Spaz called me on my way home and asked if I wanted to do anything. I invited him over. When I got home, Grover, P, Stan and a friend of his (now named Smith) were already there. Spaz showed up, surprising everyone else I guess I forgot to mention it. Koko called me and asked if I wanted to go for a walk, so I invited her over instead and she actually came!

It was a really fun time, we got to talk, laugh and kick hack. Spaz and I smoked and had a conversation on energy vs. God (again...I have a feeling this is going to be an ongoing thing).

Smith is a really awesome hack player. He's got talent. I'm jealous, but really just need to play more. Lord knows when I'll find time. Maybe my sister will want to kick tonight after trap shooting.

Yeah, that's right, I'm trap shooting tonight. My jaw is finally not bruised (or at least really, really faded) and I'm gonna go smash it up again. Wish me luck.

Speaking of luck, I found a 4 leaf clover on Tuesday. I think it was prolly the first time ever. Score. I put in the bible I stole from one of the hotels we were delivering to that day.

Tomorrow, I'm going fishing! Fucking yay for fishing. I haven't gone in a year or so and supposedly I'm going to go a lot this year with Tech. But tomorrow I'm going with the family.

Alright. I'm still all jacked up on caffine and I could type all day about the most trivial of things, but I'll shut up.

The sky is blue and all the leaves are green.

Lately, when I have nothing to think about, I'll think about my schedual. And shake my head wondering how I'm going to make it through. Cause I work every day for the next week and a half.

Friday: 8am-5pm at Day job, 5:30-Midnight at Coffee
Saturday: 9am Dr's Appointment, 10:30-Midnight at Coffee
Sunday: 9am-10pm
Monday: 8am-5pm at Day job, 5:30-10 at Coffee

And so it continues.

Normally, I won't be working this much at the coffee shop but it's Memorial Day weekend and an extremely busy time for the area. Because she asked nicely, I agreed. But supposedly, I'm going to have Sundays and every other Saturday off. I've never worked two jobs at the same time before, I really hope this works.

*Cannibal the Musical that is...come on, do I look like one who enjoys chewing on the flesh of other humans? What? I do? Oh.

Sorry, vanity usually isn't the road I travel, but today I'm just lovin how I look.

I spent yesterday and today in a van. That's so much fun to say. But for work the last couple of days I got to deliver stuff. Good times. Especially because of the people I got to hang out with. Why can't I just be a driver all the time?

We'll not go into details (and millions of stories) but why do guys confuse me?

OH OH! So I started my second job. My boss there told me that I should quit my day job and just be a barista because I was a fast learner. (Note: I don't work at Starbucks) But they couldn't compete with the pay and insurance and everything...otherwise, I totally would. But I had a blast learning how to make espresso and various drinks. So far, they totally love me there and I love it too.

Apparently they don't like Geoff so much there tho. He started before I did and wow, I don't think I heard a good thing about him.

Hey, good news. I made a doctor appointment. Hopefully I'll get all checked out and they'll tell me I'm super! I doubt it'll happen like that, but hey, I'm on the first step on the road of recovery. And I don't even know what's wrong with me.

So it's really hard to get over the little stuff. Like, I was all good writing about what happened this weekend and tell it all like it is. But then I saw what I wrote last week. And it all came back. So maybe this really isn't that good for me. Cause it happens a lot.

But fuck it.

Friday - After work I did nothing. I called a bunch of people I haven't talked to in awhile, but no one answered. And I didn't want to talk to anyone else really. So I hung out on my couch. Reading, listening to music, studying the menu for my new job... It was pretty boring. Geoff sent me a text asking how everything was going and asked if I wanted to do something. I told him he should take me on a drive. He did!

We drove around the area for an hour or so, maybe more. We parked at the state park and I told him I didn't want to date him. We spoke words for awhile. And then drove around for a couple more hours.

Saturday - I didn't do a lot during the day. Mostly just sat on the couch again. I really love that couch. It's magic. I went over to Tech's around 3 or something. Spaz was already there. We kicked hack for quite awhile, smoked some, kicked some more... Grover showed up and joined the kicking. Eventually we moved inside and started playing Spades. Tech and I won the first game. We started a second, Grover and I vs. Tech and Spaz. At first Grover and I did alright, but then we just lost it.

And right around that time, I started feeling not so well. I was really hoping it would go away but it didn't(it never does). In short, I almost passed out. Like last time. In the middle of a hand, I had to go inside, curl up into a little ball and become a quivering blob of a person cringing in pain. But I didn't faint.

The guys all came inside too. After I was fully awake and responsive, we watched Happy Tree Friends. YAY! Tech called it a night after that.

I invited Spaz to sleep on my couch (he worked in the morning and lives an hour away). We went back to my apartment and chilled out. We ended up staying awake until 5, smoking and playing Simpsons Road Rage. Good times. Throw an off the wall conversation or three in there and you have the night.

Sunday - We both woke up at 10. So...tired...But I went with him to work and he hooked me up with a cool temp tattoo.

Since I was in the town Tech lives, I almost called him...but didn't. So I drove all the way home and guess who called about an hour later? So I drove all the way back.

Chilled out there, came home, showered, sat on the couch, Grover and Tech came over, sat on the couch, they left, I watched a movie, fell asleep on the couch, woke up at 2, went to bed... Really a boring day. But much needed sleep was had.

Now, I have other things to talk about...but I have no time to go into them. So. Another time. Soon hopefully

There is just so much going on in my head right now and I feel totally censored and like I can't get it all out because it doesn't matter where I put it or where it goes, someone will read it/hear about it and will totally judge me. And because I'm weak like that, any negative judgment will tear my soul apart and I'll examine the remains before I sleep at night and wonder what I did wrong and how I can fix it so no one can say a bad thing about me.

I’m thisclose to being unbruised on my face. And that will be a new thing, seeing how it’s been two weeks since my natural color has shown. I can’t wait to stop hearing about the “battered wife” look and how it really looks great on me.

So after picking up menus from my new coffee shop place of employment (which isn’t open yet), P and I went to starbucks. Yummy java, iced mochay goodness. We sat our asses there for awhile, contaminating the atmosphere with our shrieks of ungraceful laughter. Good times.

And when we got home…movies. Decent movies too, I was a little surprised. Ok Melvin Goes to Dinner was such a surprise! I wasn’t expecting something wonderful, but the guy who played Melvin did an awesome job! This seriously was just like going to dinner with friends and having them open up to you. Sorta.

I put off taking a painkiller until I knew it would be ok to take two (that sucked a lot, jeeze was I hurting). Then I could happily pass out and hopefully not wake up like I have been the last couple of nights. Well, I still woke up, but until I went to sleep, I had me a fun time.

Ok, here is why I have an awesome roommate: she doesn’t need to smoke. Seriously, she can just smell the freaking baggie and her eyes glaze over. Me on the other hand, I’m in training with Tech to be able to finish a jay with him by the end of summer. Quite the task. But I’m on the injured list (like I want dry sockets). Last night, she took the hits for me and blew them in my face, hoping enough would be inhaled through my nose for me to catch a buzz. It didn’t exactly work (we’ll not go into what did work) but she tried. And that’s freaking awesome.

And I still can’t find my beautiful wooden box. Everything in it is totally replaceable, like it would suck to not have my oney anymore, my pink papers, a dollar and I’d have to get a new tool, but I could deal with that. What I’m having the hardest time with is the actual box. Crusty Monkey gave that to me last year and now I haven’t spoken to him in months. I can’t even describe how upset I would be if I didn’t find it. So send good vibes my way?

Freaking hurts.

What a long, long weekend. But not in a good way...again.

Thursday - I had family to attend to. Family and trap league. I did the same as I did last week. 28/50, 14 both rounds. And I got hit in the face again. We're still looking into things that will help with that.

That night was spent playing cards. Hearts really, and I won. I actually won in a game against my family. This is a big deal.

Friday- I woke up bright and early at 8:00. My mother took me to the surgery center and the four smartest teeth in my mouth were taken out. The girl who sat with me the whole time was such a sweetie, I'm gonna have to send a thank you card.

Friday and Saturday was spent at my parents. Either sleeping or talking with family. Or watching crap tv. Let's hear it for crap tv.

Sunday - I had finally went home. Geoff came over and we watched Sailor Moon and About a Boy. He laughed at my swollen cheeks (the bast'd).

I went shopping in Madtown with my sister. I wasn't going to buy anything, I swear. But then I saw pink pants. And even after I tried them on and loved them, I wasn't going to get them. I swear! But somehow, I think it was the influence of the painkillers, I paid the price and took them home. Hey, at least they were on sale.

Monday - Work was long and painful. I went over to the oral surgery guys (in the middle of the day) and they said I had a little infection, so I got more drugs. Goodness. And I had a busy day at work too.

On top of that, it was my sister's birthday. So I met my family for dinner and a movie. Godsend is kind of a crap movie. They took a perfectly good suspense movie and made it a horror movie...I don't know. It just didn't really seem that great (of course I was tired, in pain and just really wanted to be in bed).

This whole freaking week just sucks already. I can't find my little wooden box that I keep all my smoking supplies in (not that I can smoke). My face is turning green because of bruises and I'm in pain all the time. All I want to do is go home and sleep. But no. I can't. I have to work this crap job and then go see someone about another crap job. And then I have crap guitar lessons. I quit. I just want to sleep.

Good freaking morning all.

So I’ve finally got the majority of my junk outta the office. It’s been a hard couple of months. It’s not as rewarding as it was last year either. Oh well. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself, I’m almost outta work! I’m sure I’ll think of something.

The last couple of days have been jam packed with things to do. And while I wish I had more time to spread these things out, I’m lovin it. Just like Micky D’s.

Side rant real quick like – I HATE how McDonald’s is saying I’m lovin it. Come on! I used to say it all the time; it was one of my favorite phrases. But now…I just get evil looks. Corprate bast’ds. End side rant.

Tuesday at work didn’t go much better than Monday. But the night was fun. After my lesson, Grover and Koko came over. I needed to move around a little bit, so Grover kicked some hack with me in the parking lot. While we were out there, one of my neighbors came home. He looked interested, so I invited him to play. And he did. So yay for neighbors.

After we were all tired and hot and nasty, it was time for a break. We went upstairs to my apartment, watched Big Fish and ate cake. Yum.

Wednesday was pretty fun too. Work sucked. When I got home, KJ called. Apparently people are worried about me, so he wanted to make sure I was ok. He came over to talk. We chilled out and watched Mr. Dane Cook. He’s a funny man.

I went over to my parents afterwards…some of my family from the south is visiting. Oh yeah. Originally from Texas (or Okalahoma or Mississippi), my aunt is the coolest. I wanted to be mad at her cause she married a man who was thieving from her before they were married…but she’s just so damn cute. So I’ll just ignore him…Not hard to do cause he ignores me too the jerk.

I didn’t stay there too long cause I told MasterB I would talk to him. But he wasn’t in town yet. I went over to my friend’s house (the one who had the kid who I saw for the first time on Sunday). I got to play with a baby! Aww, I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist his charm once I held him. Babies!

MasterB, Geoff and I (with various other characters) chilled out at the restaurant until midnight. Most of the time was spent playing name that tune on a friend’s phone. I’ve never heard such a butchered version of Sum-41 in my life.

Today I learned more about my 401K. Alright, this just seems a little strange to me. I’m not even 20, but I’m saving for when I’m 60 something? Well, I’m all ok with it, but wow. I’ll prolly die before I see that money. So I’m kind of looking at it like a gift to my parents or sisters really. Do you think that means I can stop giving them birthday presents? Yeah I didn’t think so either.

When did everything change around here? Jeeze, I vacation for a couple of days and the landlord decides to remodel the house. A nice surprise coming back from such a bad vacation.

Ok, so when I left you everything was all movie style romantic. If you know me, you know I think all things romantic are cheesey. And not even mild cheddar, it's the fake cheese in a can. So...

Friday - There was a little fest going on at the campus in town. During work, Geoff asked if I wanted to go, I said I already was.

Tech called and invited me over. I, of course, agreed. We chilled out, smoked some and played some hack with another character, Spaz. Spaz is a guy that Tech and Grover game with. He's cool shit. So they were fun.

Around 8:00 or so, I took off. I met Koko (who is C if you didn't know, she's going to be Koko from now on so pay attention), Grover, P and Stan there. We kicked some hack and chatted with some random people. Good times really.

Geoff and KJ showed up. Now, I didn't try to not talk to them but I was involved. I did go say hi and dragged their asses up to where we were...but Geoff seemed to be unpleased that I wasn't always by him. So that just made me not want to be by him more. Whatever, if he wants to be pissy, I don't have to put up with it.

Everyone came back over to my place afterwards. We had ice cream and watched Happy Tree Friends. It was fun. At the end of the night, Geoff and I were alone. He asked me to sit next to him on the couch and I rolled my eyes before I sat down. He caught that. I was tired and going to go to bed. I walked him to the door and he asked if he had done anything wrong. I said no, because really he hadn't, I'm just a bitch like that. So he hugged me and asked me to call him.

Saturday - I woke up around 10:30. I love Saturday. P is working so I can sleep in as late as I want (usually) and then I have the house to myself. Koko came over around 1. We chilled out, talked a bit and watched Pi: Faith in Chaos. I could definately tell that this was the same guy who directed Requiem.

After she left, I smoked and went on a walk. It was a lovely day! I picked some lilacs and would just smell them as I was walking...nice.

As soon as I got home, Tech called. My mission was to get over to his house so we could kick hack before it rained. I accomplished my misson. Grover, Spaz, Tech and I had a blast that night. We hacked, we played Spades (Tech and Spaz are teaching Grover and myself), Spaz and I won spades...twice. It was just fun.

Halfway thru the night, I suggest someone ride with me back to my house cause I forgot the all important smoke. Spaz jumped at the offer and off we went. Did I mention it was storming? Oh, cause it was. Honestly at times I couldn't see a thing. But onward! The drive there we mostly talked about music. On the way back, we got deep. He has some neat ideas and I would love to talk with him more.

Back at Tech's, we smoked. Fun, fun times. I'm so glad the Notebook went with -

HOLD ON! I don't know if I've mentioned the Notebook. I must have, surely! Well, just in case. The Notebook where we record who, when and what we talked about or did. It makes for some interesting reading.

We filled four pages. That's a lot.

Sunday - Grover and Spaz slept in my living room. They left and I did some last minute wrapping paper shopping for my mother's gift.

Sunday was a long day. I was with my parent's for most of it. We went out for breakfast. My father and I went trap shooting (my cheek is bruised, it looks like someone was beating me). We ate dinner together...good times.

My friend Jesus called me up Sunday night. I haven't hung out with him in a while. But he's been going thru some stuff, so I had to be a friend and go hang out. This kid is really cool, but has some issues...I hope the best for him.

But it was really depressing. I heard about people that I used to hang out with, I saw people I used to hang out with (for the first time since I learned she was prego...so it's been a year or so).

Honestly, all night I felt horrible cause I felt like I had deserted my friends. I had to remind myself constantly that they were going down a road I didn't want to travel...but I still felt like a really bad friend.

Monday - WORK SUCKED! I was late, I got lectured, I cried and I still got all my shit done two weeks and two days early. And what do I get? More work. Bast'ds.

But the night was fun. P called me up on her way home and told me to get everything ready. We smoked, we talked, we ordered pizza and we watched a movie. Does that seem like a lot? Oh, there's more... We took a shower together wearing suits (we actually do this quite often), smoked at the same time and turned the video camera on. Later on we watched that tape and holy shit, I have never laughed so hard in my life.

But the night still wasn't done. We went for a walk, decided it was too dark and foggy and we just didn't want to take the risk of getting killed and walked back. And after that, 24. This night was just one of the best nights...the fun never stopped. Just like it should be.

Alright.

So I went trap shooting last night. I guess I forgot to mention that I'm in a league and last night was the first night. I wasn't nervous. I'm kind of surprised, but I talked myself outta the pressure. So that was handy. Anyway, I shot 28 outta 50. There is lots of room for improvement there, but at least it was over half. My cheek and shoulder are both bruised. Thankfully you can't see it on my cheek.

Geoff came over to my parent's with me. This is the first time I've seen him since Sunday morning. We hung out with everyone around the table, drinking coffee and bullshitting. Good times. Great coffee. The usual. I love my family.

It was a beautiful night. Clear skies with bright stars and a nice warm breeze. So later in the evening, Geoff and I went for a walk to the park around the corner. We sat in the gazebo and talked while smoking cigarettes.

After he pried a little bit, I told him that I don't really date people because I have a tendency to get bored easily and I don't want to hurt anyone. Fairly blunt, eh? Honesty at work!

I learned that he asked me on a date because of my smile (when we hung out the first couple of times, I wasn't in a wonderful mood so when I did smile, he liked it). I also learned that he "did homework" about me. Basically asked around and someone said that I'm always looking for new experiences, so that was interesting to find out.

Anyway, when all was said and done Geoff summed it up pretty easily. He took a step toward me and said "So basically, you've been keeping me at arms length because you don't want to get bored and hurt me."
I nodded.
He asked, "What about yourself?"
I said, "I'm not as concerned."
To which he replied, "Neither am I, so don't worry about it."

And then he kissed me.

But I'm gonna have to tell you, I will worry about it. I can't help it, it's second nature.

I got a second job!!!! And once again, someone came to me asking me if I wanted to work. Nice. So...starting May 19th, I'm going to be learning how to make super special coffee drinks. For cool as hell local business owners.

I just typed out the entire week that I had but realized, the last week doesn't really matter. Nothing unusual happened. It was mostly the same shit, different day going on and on.

A few things of note tho:

•I've kind of been avoiding Geoff. I'm not too sure why.

•C read what I wrote about being dissapointed in her and we exchanged some emails...hopefully everything has been sorted out and we can continue with whatever we have going on. (we're going to hang out this weekend!...unless she cancels and then I'll just have to slit my wrists...just kidding, but it would suck)

•I've been totally obsessed with kicking hack lately. And I fucking rock at it (ok, so I'm not the greatest, but I can keep it alive!). It seems to have happened overnight, but I guess it you kick for 4 years, eventually you improve.

•Today, my job hurt my feelings. All year I look forward to being a driver for a week. A coworker and I deliver guide books that I work on to local businesses. Well, this year, because I'm so busy with other projects, my boss is sending another girl to take my place in delivering. That sucks. It took away almost half of what I worked for (the other half is the paycheck...but it's not worth the work on it's own). Another reason this sucks, is I worked extra hard and got the guide book done early so I could work on my other projects before we started delivering the books. But my boss figures we might as well get it out earlier...that jerk. Honestly, this hit me hard.

•There are new summer drivers and man, this one guy is such a cutie. I would not mind talking to him a little more.

Jeeze, life is depressing.