meet me in outerspace

Nowadays, if you ask me what I did yesterday, there is a ninety percent chance I'll say I went skiing. Well, maybe not ninety, but this week, it's more like one hundred.

Last week I went on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This week has just begun, I've already spent all of Sunday and will be spending tonight on the slopes.

Wednesday Ben taught my sister how to ski. The basics. While that was going on, I was chillin out by myself for a couple of runs. I'd catch up with them every now and again. But he taught her like he taught me, by pausing at the top of the run and explaining what she should do. He's a really great teacher. Until he just left her at one of the harder intermediate runs. I had just caught up with them, so I coached her though and she didn't even fall. YAY!

Tonight looks to be fun. My sister is coming again and it's been snowing all day. I have no idea if it's supposed to stop, but I really hope not. I got to ski on fresh snow last night for the first time and can't wait to do it again.

Do you see how obsessed I've become?

By the way, I didn't get a reaction at all from my sister about the email. That's pretty much what I was expecting. I've heard it, she's heard it. It's the same argument we've been having for way, way too long.

My sister just makes me so mad! Ok, her email:

I have so many things going threw my head, this time of the year is so hard on me. the lease is up, so that means I could run away but it's [her boyfriend]'s and my anniversary, so he's nicer than ever and just lot's of stuff I want to do versus stuff I can do and crap like that. Meaning, I want men, lots of them, well only a couple, but one is married and you know;.... maybe not. I'm just confused and I'm not sure what to do about it. And I know that you are so black and white with me so it's harder to talk to you, I know you don't mean to but I just want someone to comfort me and you and [her boyfriend] are so much alike..... tough, you are. Anywho, I better get going.

My email:

Ok. Sister. You've been with [her boyfriend] long enough to know what he's like. If you're willing to put up with his shit all year long and have it be great around your anniversary, fine. You are the only one who knows what it's like. If you can deal with it great. Personally tho, I don't think you should have to "deal" with most ofthe year and only have it be great around your anniversary.

You say you're afraid of finding someone worse. Well then don't be with that person either! Good lord, you have the power to say no.You are a big girl and can make you're own decisions as far as who you date. There are good people out there.

And stop comparing me to [her boyfriend]. That's an insult and really fucking uncool. He's tough because he's a asshole and wants to hurt you. I'm tough because I want to help you. I have comforted you. We've talked. I know what you say. But I can only have sympathy for so long until it's your fault you're in the situation. You've had time to remove yourself and you haven't.

I'm black and white with you because you've been confused for over two years! There comes a time where you say fuck it, make a decision and there ya go. If you break up with him, great. If you stay with him, fine I guess. But you have to live with it. I don't. I just want you to be happy and I don't think you are.

-------

Ok, maybe I was a little harsh. I don't know. The whole thing just confuses me and I'd rather stay out of it. We've talked, fought and whatever so many times. I'm not going to argue with her about her future anymore. I can't do it.

I just don't fucking know.

Ok, I have to tell someone about this valentines day. It's just killing me to not share.

Ben and I had decided not to do anything special for the day, due to the fact we're both poor at the moment. I had to do something tho. I searched deep in my soul for the most meaningful thing I could. Finally I had it!

I stole poetry.

Throughout the day (while we were both at work) I sent him little poems.

9:15-Roses are red,
snowflakes are white,
please be my valentine,
cause you're mr. right.

10:54 -Roses are blue,
violets are red,
ever since we kissed,
I'm dizzy in the head!

1:07-Roses are red,
violets are blue,
sugar is sweetand so are you.
and so are they
that send you this
and when we meet
we'll have a kiss.

Twice already the flower delivery guy had been in and out of the office. When he showed up again, people were talking. In passing I said in no way were they for me, but guess what? They totally were. And they were super cool. Tulips, pink daisies, pink carnations, various other pink and purple flowers and this branch thing with a ribbon and letters spelling out Love cut out of metal dangling from it. Yeah, it sounds weird, but looks cool.

I took a break from the "poetry" to send him a text letting him know that he was, in fact, the best.

3:39 -Roses are red,
and aliens are cool
but ya better watch out
they're everywhere, fool.

5:30 -roses are red,
violets are blue
meet me at the gate
so i can kiss you?

And he did! I just got to his place of employment and he came out to my car and kissed me. It gave me butterflies. Seriously, that was the best ever.

I went to the bar last night!! Yay!

A new restaurant/bar/night club is opening in the area and had a preview last night. For free. Yay! My coworkers and I were treated to an entree and dessert, which were both delicious. And then drinks. I wasn't carded and I liked it that way.

The bartenders are flairtenders and had the whole Cocktail thing goin on. While they weren't as cute as Tom Cruise, they were still pretty good lookin. One of the girls I went with was practically drooling everytime this one bartender came around. Oh it was funny.

It was a pretty cool night. I'm sorry I had to miss out on skiing to go, but I still had fun. We're trying to plan on next week for my sister, Ben and I to get together. Once again, I'm so looking forward to it.

When I got home last night, I made a lot of phone calls. And left a lot of messages. Seriously, when I've been drinking, someone needs to take my phone from me. A special appology to Grover who actually did answer his phone and had to talk to me. Yeah, sorry.

I, myself, enjoy receiving a drunk dial call. And I'm sure there are people out there like me.

So Shawn came to see me this weekend! How super is that? Really super.

He was there on Saturday around 1. Of course I was still in my pjs, but I was over at my parents' doing laundry. Good times. We drove around for a little bit, got bored and called my sister's boyfriend. He invited us over. We chilled out there, smoked. Same ol', same ol'.

We didn't really do much the rest of the day. Like normal. We even ended up taking a nap, or rather, I needed a nap as I was super grumpy. So nap I did from 7 until 10 I think. My sister called, waking me up, to ask us to meet her at her house.

Shawn and I were there until 3:30 or something. I dunno. We played Dr. Mario and watched Sealab 2021. Funny stuff.

Shawn left when he woke up. Left the money on the dresser.

Just kidding.

Tonight, Ben and I are gonna go skiing. Since we're both broke and skiing is free and fun. What's a better combination?

Yesterday, a child was born. And I have yet to see her despite waiting around from 12:30 pm to 11:00 pm for her to show. Of course 23 minutes after I leave, hungry and tired, she makes her way into the world, most likely hungry and tired. Oh man, do I know how you feel kid.

I left work yesterday at 12 to stay at the hospital with D. She was bored and tired. Her fiancee fell asleep on the couch once I showed up, so I entertained her by doing a little dance and wheeling her around the hallways. Eventually tho, I gave up like her fiancee and just took a nap. Not for long tho. I swear!

I left around 5:30 to do some running around, KP and I ended up at Koko's for a bit. Despite trying my best to refrain, I had to embibe in some kind of beverage. So we got a little bit buzzed and headed back to the hospital to chill with D. Both Stan and Ben met us there. And we sat for quite awhile before hunger and boredom threatened to kill us.

The plan was to head back to Koko's and party, but BeFri called when Ben and I were driving. He invited me over and I accepted. Ben and I chilled out there for awhile. It was a little strange, but I left giggling and thanking my lucky stars I had a sober driver (thanks ben, love to you!).

Because we both have been super tired all week, we were just going to skip Koko's and head on home. But Kp called, angry-ish that we hadn't been there already. So off we went.

I was kind of scared to go to a party with Ben. He's kind of antisocial and I'm not. I love walking around and talking to random people. When we got inside tho, he got quite the reception for someone no one there had really met. Well, he went to school with one guy there. And everyone else was just curious I guess. I laughed. A lot.

I had a lot of fun. When I first walked in the door DT grabbed my hand and told me I was one of the most incredible people he had ever met (does that make sense? The sentence, not that I'm way awesome...). Spent a lot of time walking around with a bottle of water in one hand and a drink in the other. Ohh, and a monkey pile with Kp and koko. I miss that. I miss them. We used to spend so much time together and now... I see Kp once a week and Koko even less. It's sad.

Anyway, I was a fan of pretty much everyone there, except this one fella. I'm pretty sure he was completely smashed. Every time I looked at him, he was looking at me. And that bugged me. He's also koko's exboyfriend and I can't say I really enjoy listening to the stories I hear about him. Maybe I'm bias. I don't care, I don't really like him.

So much for an early night. I got to sleep around 1:30 in the morning. Which I guess is an early night, compared to the usual time. I'm still tired tho.

Tonight, the plan is to go skiing. First, I have to make a stop and see a baby. A precious girly girl. Ohhh babies!

I left work at 3:30 yesterday with the start of a migrane headache. And it was going to suck. But it's nothing that a little nap won't get rid of. Unfortunately, I didn't really get enough time for proper napping, so I had a headache most of the night. Not a migrane, just a headache.

But no way will I let that stop me. I went skiing. And it was fun. And now my body hurts along with my head. Except for the two big falls I had, I did pretty well.

Now that bad part, the owner of my place of employment was there. And he doesn't know I left yesterday, but he totally could tell the people that matter in passing and then I'm a little fucked. But whatever, I really did have a headache and I really did sleep. I just went skiing too.

BeFri had called and left a message on my phone whilest I was sliding and said he had something fablous to tell me. I didn't even get a chance to call him back before Grover called and said that BeFri needed a buddy. When I asked what for he said I wasn't using my head. Why do people feel the need to speak so vaguely? I got what he was saying and passed, saying I wanted to stay sober. BeFri got on the phone and tried to talk me into it. I was going to go, but I said I was with Ben and BeFri said another time then. So I'm not too sure what was going on.

I'm super tired this morning. I couldn't fall asleep really last night. Well, this morning I guess. Not until like 2:30 or something. And now I need more sleep. But tonight is the Mardi Gras extravaganza at Koko's. So unless I nap at lunch, I'm not napping until late, late tonight.

Friday - I finally got around to cleaning my room. Well, organizing the mess anyway.

Ben and I went and saw Hide and Seek. Not such a hot movie. It was great until you found out what was going on. Come on people, it's been done.

Saturday - I spent the day at my parents'. I hung out and talked with my mother quite a bit. My father took me to lunch, if a slice of cherry pie and coffee counts as lunch. In general, a nice relaxing day. I was looking forward to chilling out with Ben that night, but he stayed home to sleep. So I went to another party at The Hall.

C directed me straight to the fridge when I got there. Thank you Koko, it's appreciated. She was buzzin' and I was getting there, but I wanted to got to my house really quick. I'm not too sure why we decided to go right then, but we did. We stayed there longer than originally intentioned, but it helped our claim that we were having a lesbian love session.

I guess I could start naming some people... I don't know if I really want to give them names or just use the ones that have already been established for them. I guess I can't really do that tho, cause I don't know them all. Oh well.

I mainly talked to three people last night. Koko, who we already know and love, being one of them. And then also DT and Sitter (aka BeFri).

DT seems like an interesting character. He was way honest about somethings going on in his life right away. Of course half the times I have hung out with him, he was under the influnce. Jack is his truth serum.

Sitter is my new best friend! We decided that we would be friends and get the matching broken heart necklaces that says "best friends" cut in half. He's BeFri and I'm StEnd.

What? It seemed clever when we were drunk.

Closer to the end of the evening, Sitter went to bed. And I'm not really sure how, but I ended up sitting on his floor talking to him. Where DT opened up right away about things, Sitter was more about talking in half sentences and making me fill in the blanks. I'm pretty sure I understand, especially after DT stripped, got into his bed and joined the conversation. I say joined, but really, while he was awake and talking with Sitter, I didn't say much.

Eventually they fell asleep. Koko and I waited up until four to get breakfast from MickeyDs. Yum.

Sunday - When I woke up, I put shoes and sock on and went over to The Hall. I had promised the guys a smokey breakfast. They were awake! Of course it was 12:30. DT was on the couch, Sitter was on the computer and another fella was on the other computer. We talked, we laughed a bit and then I had to leave to meet Grover for lunch. Still in my pajamas.

He seemed a bit off. I realized that he just got back from drill and tried to say that was it, but it wasn't. Or maybe it was. I don't know. I just really dislike the way he acts when he knows I've been smoking.

Anyway, that was an entertaining lunch.

I made it back home and took a shower. Since it was so comfy, I put my pajamas back. My sister's boyfriend called to see if I wanted to go over there. I kinda didn't, but did anyway. We smoked some and I made up a new phrase that apparently is going to be the next big thing. Classy glass.

I took off before my parents got there.

I went home and started reading, but didn't get too far cause Ben came over. It was nice seeing him.

We went to the slut (aka pizza hut) and met up with his friends. I was bored, like usual, but the pizza was so awesome.

I sent a text to my sister's boyfriend asking how the classy glass was treating him. (See, I'm already using it in a day to day conversation!) He replied that it would be better if I were there. And how do you say no to that?

So Ben and I went over there. Smoked some. They put the Grudge in and we watched the beginning, but I was tired. And Ben was bored. So we took off.

Oh mylanta.

This week sucked. Ok, it wasn't so bad technically, but it just sucked. I mean, I had fun and a good time, but I was so homesick. Not like that's unusual or anything, but this time, man. I was gone from everything familiar for four days and three sleep-deprived nights with horrible cramps on top of it all. Oh Oh PLUS I found out that the electric bill is $900. We haven't gotten the bill in a month or three.

We ate like pigs, at least I did. I can't really speak for anyone else (they totally did). I spent a ton of money, but I got a lot for what I did spend. Claire's had a 15 for $5 thing going on at the outlet mall, Columbia provided me with new snowpants (!) for $70, the bookstore had books for $1. One dollar! Crazy. And I found the cutest shirt, which wasn't on sale or anything, but it was totally cute.

Even with the cutest shirt ever, I wanted to cry every night. I was incredibly homesick, bored and yucky feeling. And the whole thing where you call people up and they didn't even notice you were gone kind of thing, sucks. Everytime I called someone, they were busy. They still pretended to talk to me, but the actual conversation between myself and a friend/family member on the phone never happened. So I had to sulk like a child.

I was looking forward to going home so much! The last day was an iffy thing, we could have stayed the night and come back today, but I kinda pushed for leaving. I wanted to be home, I wanted to see Ben, and I wanted the overtime. We left around 7, and I was in a super great mood. Maybe it's because I had eaten desserts for my last two meals, but I think it was the fact that I was going home. We got into Wisco around 9:30. I love crossing the mississippi, as long as it's going away from minnesota.

So after I was all super psyched to be getting home and seeing Ben, he sends a text saying he's tired and is going to sleep. That was like a punch in the face. With metal knuckles.

I turned my phone on silent, put it away and ignored it the rest of the way home, or at least until we got back to town. I sat in the backseat, looked out the window and thought up all sorts of arguments. I went so far as imagining saying "let's take a break" but I knew that would never happen.

When we got to my boss's home where I had parked my car, I felt my phone vibrate. Since I reached my goal (it was really, really hard to ignore the phone for that long), I look and it's Ben. Apparently right after he has sent the one about going to sleep he sent another one saying "no, you're right, I need to sleep next to you tonight."

That's when I started crying.

He called two minutes later and said he was already on his way. I said my phone was dying and cut the conversation short.

I think I cried the whole way home. When I got there, I said hi to my roommates while walking by and went straight to my room, left the lights off and just collasped on my bed.

The rest of the night was ok. Ben and I argued, but I wasn't really angry anymore. Only a little. We didn't have the huge blow out fight I had pictured on the way home. I didn't say I wanted a break, because I don't. I just want him to realize that I'm an emotional basketcase and any form of rejection will shatter my soul.

Not really.