Friday, February 04, 2005

It's alive! Alive! 

Oh mylanta.

This week sucked. Ok, it wasn't so bad technically, but it just sucked. I mean, I had fun and a good time, but I was so homesick. Not like that's unusual or anything, but this time, man. I was gone from everything familiar for four days and three sleep-deprived nights with horrible cramps on top of it all. Oh Oh PLUS I found out that the electric bill is $900. We haven't gotten the bill in a month or three.

We ate like pigs, at least I did. I can't really speak for anyone else (they totally did). I spent a ton of money, but I got a lot for what I did spend. Claire's had a 15 for $5 thing going on at the outlet mall, Columbia provided me with new snowpants (!) for $70, the bookstore had books for $1. One dollar! Crazy. And I found the cutest shirt, which wasn't on sale or anything, but it was totally cute.

Even with the cutest shirt ever, I wanted to cry every night. I was incredibly homesick, bored and yucky feeling. And the whole thing where you call people up and they didn't even notice you were gone kind of thing, sucks. Everytime I called someone, they were busy. They still pretended to talk to me, but the actual conversation between myself and a friend/family member on the phone never happened. So I had to sulk like a child.

I was looking forward to going home so much! The last day was an iffy thing, we could have stayed the night and come back today, but I kinda pushed for leaving. I wanted to be home, I wanted to see Ben, and I wanted the overtime. We left around 7, and I was in a super great mood. Maybe it's because I had eaten desserts for my last two meals, but I think it was the fact that I was going home. We got into Wisco around 9:30. I love crossing the mississippi, as long as it's going away from minnesota.

So after I was all super psyched to be getting home and seeing Ben, he sends a text saying he's tired and is going to sleep. That was like a punch in the face. With metal knuckles.

I turned my phone on silent, put it away and ignored it the rest of the way home, or at least until we got back to town. I sat in the backseat, looked out the window and thought up all sorts of arguments. I went so far as imagining saying "let's take a break" but I knew that would never happen.

When we got to my boss's home where I had parked my car, I felt my phone vibrate. Since I reached my goal (it was really, really hard to ignore the phone for that long), I look and it's Ben. Apparently right after he has sent the one about going to sleep he sent another one saying "no, you're right, I need to sleep next to you tonight."

That's when I started crying.

He called two minutes later and said he was already on his way. I said my phone was dying and cut the conversation short.

I think I cried the whole way home. When I got there, I said hi to my roommates while walking by and went straight to my room, left the lights off and just collasped on my bed.

The rest of the night was ok. Ben and I argued, but I wasn't really angry anymore. Only a little. We didn't have the huge blow out fight I had pictured on the way home. I didn't say I wanted a break, because I don't. I just want him to realize that I'm an emotional basketcase and any form of rejection will shatter my soul.

Not really.

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