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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

dear diary, 

I’m not really the girl in the relationship. I mean, I’m the girl, but I’m not the girl.

Ben can name when we first hung out, when we first held hands, our first real date, when we first kissed and so on. I’m lucky I can remember his name.

He said I love you first and remembers that date too.

He was the one who pushed for my trust. Who saw a wall and made it his goal to knock it down. He wanted us to be more intimate. More of each other, if that makes any sense.

And I totally play the guy’s part in this. I forget anniversaries and birthdays. I didn’t show up to his family’s Christmas party. I’m insensitive to his feelings at times and expect sex whenever I want it (and pout when if I don’t get it).

But he puts up with it all. More than that, he works hard on making sure I’m happy. He compliments me daily. He takes me to chick flicks. He rubs my back if I ask him to (even if I don't ask him!). He offers to go to the store if I’m craving a food that isn’t in the house. He’s trying to teach me how to not “live by the clock” and worry so much.

I’m completely in love with him.

It hurts to say good bye every time, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. I think about him all the time, wondering what he’s doing.

Soon I’ll not have to wonder as much, because we’ve decided to move in together. And I can’t be more excited.

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