Tuesday, December 03, 2002
I hate work. No I don't. I hate not knowing if I'm doing something correct. That really sucks. And if I do something right, I don't know exactly how I did it. I should really keep a frickin work journal so I know how/when/why I did something. But that would be a lot of work. And I know things now that I didn't know then so...I dunno. Strange how that works. I wonder if I'm going to have to do this again next year. I hope not, but I'm betting that I am. Sucky.
Anyway, feeling kinda alone in the universe. I kinda have to remind myself that I can look and touch if I want. But I don't really want to. I just want to chill for a bit. Plus, I'm second guessing myself. Which I hate. Almost more than I hate indecision. But I wonder if I ended it for the wrong reasons. And if I could have done a better job. When I talked to E afterwards, I told him exacty (almost) what I said. Right away he said that I told J I kissed another guy to make me feel better. And I realized that yes, I did. In some weird way that's how I justified breaking up with him. Cause otherwise, I didn't really have a reason, minus that I didn't like him as much as he liked me. And that's not a very good reason. (Maybe combined with that fact that he snores really fucking loud...jk) But afterwards, people came up to me and told me I did the right thing. A friend told me that he deserved it cause he was ignoring me and flirting with another girl that night. L's sister told me that one night he was calling her hot and all sorts of stuff (not sure if I believe that). Someone else told me that we just weren't compatible cause here I am, graduated for one year and already I have a good job (debatable, but steady anyway), a new car (my pride and joy), ready to move out and support myself. And J just moved out of his parents for the second time (at least second), still working as a lifeguard (supervisor maybe) and with barely enough money to skip by. So I don't know if everyone saw us as never making it and the only ones clueless were us and later just him? I'm sorry I'll shut up about it.
Oh well, doing my best to keep busy. Sunday I went to a movie with SM. Last night I went to C's and watched Sliding Doors and part of SLC Punk. Tonight I'm going snowboarding with my oldest sister, SM and her little crush. Tomorrow I'm going to a movie with my mom and then C is sneaking over to my house so we can watch South Park. Thursday SM and I are going to Madison shopping. Friday I might hang out with D or C or both somewhere (OHHHH, we should go ice skating and then watch movies!). I don't know. Saturday is a celebration involving the cutting of the ribbons of protest (I kinda like mine tho). And Sunday...who knows?
Snowboarding tonight. Woo hoo. I've never done it before and everyone else going has. In fact my sister wanted to be a pro once. But I'm expecting to spend most of the time on my butt. Which sucks cause I have no warm pants to wear. Sucky. So I'll have to talk to my sister and find out what I should wear.
IT'S FRICKIN COLDER THAN A MOOSE! I hate winter. I'm really starting to realize how much. This summer barely lasted. It was late in coming and early in leaving. I hate that. I wish it could be spring, summer, fall, spring. Just leave out winter. Who needs it? Not I. The only thing it's good for is ice skating and you can do that indoors if you have to.
Anyway, feeling kinda alone in the universe. I kinda have to remind myself that I can look and touch if I want. But I don't really want to. I just want to chill for a bit. Plus, I'm second guessing myself. Which I hate. Almost more than I hate indecision. But I wonder if I ended it for the wrong reasons. And if I could have done a better job. When I talked to E afterwards, I told him exacty (almost) what I said. Right away he said that I told J I kissed another guy to make me feel better. And I realized that yes, I did. In some weird way that's how I justified breaking up with him. Cause otherwise, I didn't really have a reason, minus that I didn't like him as much as he liked me. And that's not a very good reason. (Maybe combined with that fact that he snores really fucking loud...jk) But afterwards, people came up to me and told me I did the right thing. A friend told me that he deserved it cause he was ignoring me and flirting with another girl that night. L's sister told me that one night he was calling her hot and all sorts of stuff (not sure if I believe that). Someone else told me that we just weren't compatible cause here I am, graduated for one year and already I have a good job (debatable, but steady anyway), a new car (my pride and joy), ready to move out and support myself. And J just moved out of his parents for the second time (at least second), still working as a lifeguard (supervisor maybe) and with barely enough money to skip by. So I don't know if everyone saw us as never making it and the only ones clueless were us and later just him? I'm sorry I'll shut up about it.
Oh well, doing my best to keep busy. Sunday I went to a movie with SM. Last night I went to C's and watched Sliding Doors and part of SLC Punk. Tonight I'm going snowboarding with my oldest sister, SM and her little crush. Tomorrow I'm going to a movie with my mom and then C is sneaking over to my house so we can watch South Park. Thursday SM and I are going to Madison shopping. Friday I might hang out with D or C or both somewhere (OHHHH, we should go ice skating and then watch movies!). I don't know. Saturday is a celebration involving the cutting of the ribbons of protest (I kinda like mine tho). And Sunday...who knows?
Snowboarding tonight. Woo hoo. I've never done it before and everyone else going has. In fact my sister wanted to be a pro once. But I'm expecting to spend most of the time on my butt. Which sucks cause I have no warm pants to wear. Sucky. So I'll have to talk to my sister and find out what I should wear.
IT'S FRICKIN COLDER THAN A MOOSE! I hate winter. I'm really starting to realize how much. This summer barely lasted. It was late in coming and early in leaving. I hate that. I wish it could be spring, summer, fall, spring. Just leave out winter. Who needs it? Not I. The only thing it's good for is ice skating and you can do that indoors if you have to.
