Monday, December 02, 2002
I'm back after a poor nights sleep. If you missed it, yesterday starts the explanation.
So I get home Wednesday, do nothing really, until 9:30 when C comes and picks me up. We drive over to her house, talk for 10 mins and then my mother comes and picks me up to take me to meet my sister so we can go to a party and I don't have to drive. We got lost a couple of times and finally found the place. It was ok, I remember about three peoples' names. We played asshole and 7 1/2. I drank a half a cup of beer. And prolly should have just had that, but instead I drank Captain and Coke all night. And took three jello shots. My first ever. Oh well, on the 20 min drive home I called J and we talked. He laughed at me and I just laughed. I don't really remember what we talked about. But when I got home all my family was up (including relatives visiting for Thanksgiving) and they all laughed and made fun of me. Not very kind, but I didn't seem to care. Anyway, still wide awake and having nothing to do, I called OH. We talked, I explained my issues. He told me some of his. They kinda sound similar. Oh well. So then after a really long phone call, I went to sleep.
Thursday - Woke up at 11:30ish. Took a shower, got all pretty, had to wait for food. That sucked. Oh well, had a plesant meal. Hung out, played cards, did nothing... Finally at some odd time in the night, I had my sister take me to Kitchen so I could see J and tell him to get his ass to my house. When we got back we realized there was nothing to do, so we just went to bed. I thought about telling him about what happened on Wednesday but didn't. Even when he asked me what the stupidest thing I've ever done was. Anyway, he snores. Loud. So I got kicked out of my own bed! I moved to the loveseat and an hour or so later, my dad was up and making noise so I went into his bed and 15 mins later got woke up anyway.
Friday - Woke up at 5:15 am. Went to Wal-mart. Got bored. Bought two gifts and a movie for me. J and I went back to my house, put in Mulan, laid on the couch and fell asleep. Woke up at the end of the movie, he kicked me off the couch so I went into my room. Slept until 2. We watched something on tv, I don't know what, but then he had to go to work. I took a shower and went to C's. We had pizza and watched the Saint. A couple of high school friends stopped by and that was pretty cool. Then C and I worked a bit on our project. After getting kicked downstairs we watched American History X. C and her bro's first time watching it. Fun fun. L called and wanted to hang out. J called and wanted to come over. I said no to both. I just wanted to be alone and to go to sleep! So after the movie I went home and did so.
Saturday - Woke up at 1, stayed in bed until 1:30. J called around 3. Talked for a bit about nothing. A lot of silence. I let him go and take a shower. I hang out most of the day with my parents. Especially with my mom, talking. But I called him back cause I said I would. A long phone call again, a lot of silence, again. But this time he asked me "Do you like being around me? Cause sometimes I get the feeling you don't." I was kinda shocked cause I didn't realize it was so noticeable so I brushed it off being that I didn't get enough alone time or time with my parents and stupid stuff like that. But I told him I was going to Kitchen so I would see him there. I sat and talked with my mom a little more and then I left. Got to Kitchen around 10. It was kinda boring at first so I brought in my book. People kept trying to get me to smile. Normally I'm all smiles but that night I was just depressed and not looking forward to what I had decided to do. It was kinda a weird night. A girl in there was flirting with J and he was kinda flirting back. He even invited her to his place of work's X-mas party and sat with his arm around her while I was talking to a friend and getting moral support. Then I took J somewhere quiet and told him.
me I kissed another guy
J Really?
me yeah...
J Is that all? You didn't do anything else?
me yeah
J Cause you can tell me, you don't have to worry
me no, that's all (a little annoyed) and I don't know why
J ......
me I just...I don't know why I did it and it really bothers me cause I care about you and I just....I think I need a break...some time...
J ok, whatever you need. I love you K, I always have. I just want what makes you happy. Think about it and don't worry about it too much, well do worry about it cause I know I will be, and you have my number. Give me a hug. It's ok.
So we both went and sat down, people still trying to figure out what's wrong. Finally, quietly, I tell the two I'm sitting with (JQ and KJ) and it's instant "awwwws". But they try to make me feel better. I look over at J and he's rubbing his eyes. Then he leaves claiming he has things he needs to do. He stops by my table to say good bye to everyone and just looks at me for a second, then leaves. I sit for awhile with the guys and then move to sit by E. We talk for a bit and the L calls. He asks what's wrong and I tell him I just broke up with J and E about spits out his coffee. L just says "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. Do you want to come over and get high?" I laughed and said that it was ok, I'm fine. SM called right after that and we make plans to do something on Sunday. For most of the night, I sat with E, SK came over for a bit, but mostly it was me and E. It was kinda nice, I like talking to him and he made me feel better. When we got kicked out tho, something was different. It seemed like he wanted to talk more or just...I don't know it's hard to explain. I didn't really want to go to sleep when I got home at a quarter to 5, so I read a bit and then went to sleep after I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open.
Sunday - Woke up sometime. Hung out. Went shopping. SM called. Made plans to go to a movie. She came over, I drove her car to Micky D's, her house and then the movie. On the way we had some peppermint. So all giggly we got to the movie theater. Found the right theater and saw THEY. Sat in front of these three guys, pretty good looking, I think we annoyed them a bit. I heard one say "enough with the feedback" and SM heard "this is why I don't have girls in my house". But they were teasing I think. The movie sucked. Serious ly. It was ok I guess, until the end. But it isn't that much of a story line and they don't really develop anything. The characters goes from "no I don't believe any of the crap" to "Monsters are after me, HELP". Anyway, we had fun. Went to Culver's afterward and F got me some discounted food. I had a water, a hot fudge sundae with almonds and half a salad. Interesting, eh? SM had hot chocolate, chocolate custard and half a salad.
The two funniest things said that I remember:
"I don't have the munchies. I just like food."
"Do you hear you?"
So I get home Wednesday, do nothing really, until 9:30 when C comes and picks me up. We drive over to her house, talk for 10 mins and then my mother comes and picks me up to take me to meet my sister so we can go to a party and I don't have to drive. We got lost a couple of times and finally found the place. It was ok, I remember about three peoples' names. We played asshole and 7 1/2. I drank a half a cup of beer. And prolly should have just had that, but instead I drank Captain and Coke all night. And took three jello shots. My first ever. Oh well, on the 20 min drive home I called J and we talked. He laughed at me and I just laughed. I don't really remember what we talked about. But when I got home all my family was up (including relatives visiting for Thanksgiving) and they all laughed and made fun of me. Not very kind, but I didn't seem to care. Anyway, still wide awake and having nothing to do, I called OH. We talked, I explained my issues. He told me some of his. They kinda sound similar. Oh well. So then after a really long phone call, I went to sleep.
Thursday - Woke up at 11:30ish. Took a shower, got all pretty, had to wait for food. That sucked. Oh well, had a plesant meal. Hung out, played cards, did nothing... Finally at some odd time in the night, I had my sister take me to Kitchen so I could see J and tell him to get his ass to my house. When we got back we realized there was nothing to do, so we just went to bed. I thought about telling him about what happened on Wednesday but didn't. Even when he asked me what the stupidest thing I've ever done was. Anyway, he snores. Loud. So I got kicked out of my own bed! I moved to the loveseat and an hour or so later, my dad was up and making noise so I went into his bed and 15 mins later got woke up anyway.
Friday - Woke up at 5:15 am. Went to Wal-mart. Got bored. Bought two gifts and a movie for me. J and I went back to my house, put in Mulan, laid on the couch and fell asleep. Woke up at the end of the movie, he kicked me off the couch so I went into my room. Slept until 2. We watched something on tv, I don't know what, but then he had to go to work. I took a shower and went to C's. We had pizza and watched the Saint. A couple of high school friends stopped by and that was pretty cool. Then C and I worked a bit on our project. After getting kicked downstairs we watched American History X. C and her bro's first time watching it. Fun fun. L called and wanted to hang out. J called and wanted to come over. I said no to both. I just wanted to be alone and to go to sleep! So after the movie I went home and did so.
Saturday - Woke up at 1, stayed in bed until 1:30. J called around 3. Talked for a bit about nothing. A lot of silence. I let him go and take a shower. I hang out most of the day with my parents. Especially with my mom, talking. But I called him back cause I said I would. A long phone call again, a lot of silence, again. But this time he asked me "Do you like being around me? Cause sometimes I get the feeling you don't." I was kinda shocked cause I didn't realize it was so noticeable so I brushed it off being that I didn't get enough alone time or time with my parents and stupid stuff like that. But I told him I was going to Kitchen so I would see him there. I sat and talked with my mom a little more and then I left. Got to Kitchen around 10. It was kinda boring at first so I brought in my book. People kept trying to get me to smile. Normally I'm all smiles but that night I was just depressed and not looking forward to what I had decided to do. It was kinda a weird night. A girl in there was flirting with J and he was kinda flirting back. He even invited her to his place of work's X-mas party and sat with his arm around her while I was talking to a friend and getting moral support. Then I took J somewhere quiet and told him.
me I kissed another guy
J Really?
me yeah...
J Is that all? You didn't do anything else?
me yeah
J Cause you can tell me, you don't have to worry
me no, that's all (a little annoyed) and I don't know why
J ......
me I just...I don't know why I did it and it really bothers me cause I care about you and I just....I think I need a break...some time...
J ok, whatever you need. I love you K, I always have. I just want what makes you happy. Think about it and don't worry about it too much, well do worry about it cause I know I will be, and you have my number. Give me a hug. It's ok.
So we both went and sat down, people still trying to figure out what's wrong. Finally, quietly, I tell the two I'm sitting with (JQ and KJ) and it's instant "awwwws". But they try to make me feel better. I look over at J and he's rubbing his eyes. Then he leaves claiming he has things he needs to do. He stops by my table to say good bye to everyone and just looks at me for a second, then leaves. I sit for awhile with the guys and then move to sit by E. We talk for a bit and the L calls. He asks what's wrong and I tell him I just broke up with J and E about spits out his coffee. L just says "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. Do you want to come over and get high?" I laughed and said that it was ok, I'm fine. SM called right after that and we make plans to do something on Sunday. For most of the night, I sat with E, SK came over for a bit, but mostly it was me and E. It was kinda nice, I like talking to him and he made me feel better. When we got kicked out tho, something was different. It seemed like he wanted to talk more or just...I don't know it's hard to explain. I didn't really want to go to sleep when I got home at a quarter to 5, so I read a bit and then went to sleep after I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open.
Sunday - Woke up sometime. Hung out. Went shopping. SM called. Made plans to go to a movie. She came over, I drove her car to Micky D's, her house and then the movie. On the way we had some peppermint. So all giggly we got to the movie theater. Found the right theater and saw THEY. Sat in front of these three guys, pretty good looking, I think we annoyed them a bit. I heard one say "enough with the feedback" and SM heard "this is why I don't have girls in my house". But they were teasing I think. The movie sucked. Serious ly. It was ok I guess, until the end. But it isn't that much of a story line and they don't really develop anything. The characters goes from "no I don't believe any of the crap" to "Monsters are after me, HELP". Anyway, we had fun. Went to Culver's afterward and F got me some discounted food. I had a water, a hot fudge sundae with almonds and half a salad. Interesting, eh? SM had hot chocolate, chocolate custard and half a salad.
The two funniest things said that I remember:
"I don't have the munchies. I just like food."
"Do you hear you?"
